Trouble by Epona Love - WriteWords.org.uk

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Trouble

Posted: 01 October 2008
Word Count: 126

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Trouble

Tangled, and tightly wound around my core,
The essence of my self strains to remain
Fixed, and held by the mind in tense refrain.
Testing tenuous bonds, which failed before.

This fragile mind cannot outweigh the force
With which the heart would strive to soar above,
Should weathered tethers tear and let it love
Regardless of the past, without remorse.

The heart, oblivious, is hard to guide,
And instincts are confounded by its whims.
Its pounding drowning out all sense within
A head too stretched to keep these feelings tied.

But I will tie my heart with bonds of steel
And force it to conform if it should stray.
I will watch over, every night and day,
And guard what ever feelings I may feel.

Comments by other Members

Posted by : Bishti at 10:09 on 06 October 2008

Hi Epona,
This poem is full of sadness.

I like the image of "A head too stretched to keep these feelings tied."

May I suggest you think about changing either feelings or feel in the following line.

"And guard what ever feelings I may feel."

Posted by : Kipper at 19:42 on 07 October 2008

I paricularly like the structure of this piece: the strict old-fangled ten-syllable, a-b-b-a rhyming, four stanza concision (it doubtless has a technical name, a something something(dec?)ameter - Anyone help?). It binds nicely, and given the repeated bondage imagery, so appropriately.
Beautifully bound.
Kipper

Posted by : Epona Love at 17:50 on 12 October 2008

Thanks for the comments Bishti and Kipper. I can't think of how I could replace feelings or feel right now, whilst keeping the rhythm. But I will keep it in mind. No idea if there is a technical name for the structure... But thank you for commenting.
Emma x

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