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Vampire Brothel

by Irina12345 

Posted: 04 November 2008
Word Count: 1276

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The wind blew in my face, pushing me back, sidetracking me from the vital task ahead. The fog was low in the sky, and the long bridge looked small compared to the monstrosity of a house at its end.
I shivered in the cold, then pulling my thick clothing over me, slowly approached the mansion. It felt like I was the only man who had been here for years, yet the activity inside was obvious. I had to get there. I needed to get inside. I had to get that job.
A strange scent caught my attention as I lingered at the foot of the bridge, convincing myself to keep walking, knowing there should be no danger. The odour became stronger as I reached the house, slightly reminding me of fresh blood, yet I knew that was a stupid thought. There was no blood here, only coursing in my veins, and the ones of my future colleagues.
After what seemed like hours, I finally reached the large house, and found the power to ring the doorbell. The beautiful archaic melody stopped short only after a few seconds when the door opened and a breeze of warmth flew past me, making my head spin. As I looked up, I saw a beautiful young girl, but with a worn face and devious looks.
“You’re here to see the Dutches?” she asked questioningly, leaning forward slightly.
“Yes, I am here for the job interview.” I stammered.
“Well Hurry up, get moving,” she grabbed me by the shoulder with unexpected strength, pulling me into her lair.
The house looked more Burlesque than that of a business, yet I knew this is where I wanted to work. I followed the assistant up the stairs and into a large waiting room.
“Just go on in to her office,” the assistant said, swiftly leaving the room.
I looked around at the empty walls, and went to catch a reflection of myself in the window then saw what the wind had done to me. I took off my thick jacket and stayed only in my suit, then took a deep breath, took the handle and walked into the room.
What I saw next could only be described as every man’s dream, and nightmare.
The Duchess was on top of the large desk in the fancy room. She was supporting a young man’s body as she bit feverishly into his neck. Her teeth lashed at his bare skin, the long fangs ripping the soft sensitive layer before reaching the warm and luscious blood. The man’s clothes were half ripped off, his pants stretched to the point of explosion with the Duchess’s knee between his legs. Blood tickled down her neck and into her open cleavage, reddening her white top. The man’s body lay limp at the command, his blood everywhere. The look of ecstasy was found on both their faces, but as she heard me, the Duchess stopped sucking on the flowing blood and looked up.
With blood dripping from her mouth, she stared at me, and dropped the young man’s body on the table. slowly she moved her leg from the man’s pelvis, and lowered it onto the ground, stretching her muscles, as the long heals touched the floor. she moved her body from the table, and began walking towards me, slowly, never looking away. It felt like a steel string was pulling my eyes to hers, not letting me look away. She stopped when only cm away, until I began to feel her breath on my neck. She moved closer to me, and I was forced to look away. I looked at the only place I could, outside the window, and I saw it, the bridge. The only reason I actually came here.
Her hot breathing became faster and harsher and she moved even closer to me, until I could hear her tongue on her lips, licking and feelings my blood. My skin began to tingle and she got closer, her teeth now millimetres away. There was nothing I could do. I closed my eyes, yet her tongue was the only thing I could hear. Her teeth played with my skin, making it tingle before the real thing. I didn’t know what to do, what would happen, what would I become?
Then, I felt her long fangs penetrate my skin. PAIN and pleasure. I felt my blood rushing out of me and into her. My blood was draining out and all I wanted was for her to bite harder, and pull herself closer into me. I felt like a new power was being born inside of me. I pushed her head into my neck, groaning slightly at she bit me over and over again. Her long thin fangs piercing my skin, sucking out the blood with her luscious lips over the wound.
But, slowly I began to lose myself, the pleasure no longer as satisfying. The pain intensifying, my neck hurting, I wanted her to stop, I didn’t wanna die. I had to hold on, but my head was spinning. My eyes heavy. The room was blurry. It kept turning. I kept moving. Around. In a circle. The Floor was right in front of me. Black.

I woke up in the same place I was before, sprawled on the floor with blood everywhere. My blood. I tried to get up but my head was spinning, flooded with thoughts of what has happened. I finally regained my wits and looked around to see the Duchess staring at me, as she get cross legged on her desk, smoking a cigarette.
“What happened?” I asked.
Nothing happened, she just stared at me.
“What did you do to me?”
“I turned you into a vampire.”
“I came here for a job, and you turn me into a cannibal? How do I even know its true? What if it was all a dream?”
“It’s your own problem if you don’t believe me, just check your reflection in the mirror.”
I hurried out the door and to the window where I had looked at myself the previous time. all I saw was the outside. I could remember my expression, the way I looked, my ruffled hair and clothes, but now there was nothing. I went around to every window, and yet still nothing.
Panicking, I rushed back to the Duchess and begged for her help.
“What am I meant to do now?” I asked humbly
“just go home, and come back to work in the morning. This is the vampire burlesque house and now you work for me. all meals are provided, so don’t go killing random humans, we have enough trouble already. Vampires don’t sleep, so just come back after dusk. The sun is about to set, so you better be off. My assistant will tell you where to go.”
I felt so strange, for the first time I realised what I was, I felt the way my body had changed, the way that my heart had stopped. I felt a new strength inside of me, that made me feel powerful. I was a vampire and I got the job.
The assistant took me into the basement and pushed me out a door
“This is where you come in now, here is the key, do Not lose it.”
“ok” I whispered and began to walk out. I looked at the small key, with no insignia, and strangely felt happy. I found I had arrived under the bridge, that same bridge that had taken me into the mansion in the first place.
Finally, I slowly made my way down the park, away from the underground vampire brothel society.

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Comments by other Members

NMott at 13:19 on 05 November 2008  Report this post
The first 2/3rds, before the break, is very good. The only thing missing is a reason why the girl didn't turn and run when confronted with the scene of the Duchess sucking the young man's blood, and, again, when the Duchess approaches her.

The second 3rd doesn't work so well simply because you give too much away too early by having your characters asking and answering too many questions. Unanswered questions (and questions that are only hinted at) are what hooks a reader into a story and keeps them coming back for more. If you are aiming for a full sized adult novel of around 80 thousand words then that gives you plenty of room in which to raise and answer those questions. If you answer them too early, then you will probably end up with a novel of around 40-50 thousand words which is too short for a publisher.

Good luck with it.

- NaomiM

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