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2 poems: "Fate" and "Growing Pains"

by Emily Lockhart 

Posted: 07 December 2008
Word Count: 163


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Fate

Sitting,
Waiting,
Shadows shroud her resting place;
A cruel wind breathes over her,
Chilling her heart, numbing her mind.
He hasnít come.
Each moment slips by, irretrievable.
Her eyes are watering,
Her hands red and chapped,
The hands of a worker;
She has worked for far too long.
Hope flickers and dies.
She leaves,
Shadows deepening behind her;
Never noticing the boy
With his cap pulled low,
Never seeing how he hurries,
Never looking back.

Growing Pains

The strong independence succumbs to the little girl,
Lost without her motherís protection;
A girl overwhelmed
And sometimes guiltily excited
By the wide world opening its jaws.
A little figure,
One miniscule grain of sand
In this impenetrable, never-ending desert.
I search and find delight of a kind
Until my heart yearns again
For the security only to be found in one pair of arms Ė
The only arms I trust to hold me up
And save me
From the demons snapping at my heels.







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Comments by other Members



NMott at 14:58 on 07 December 2008  Report this post
Hi, Emily, and welcome to WriteWords.

If you'd like feedback on your work you can post an intro. and a link in the Introduce Your Work group, so people know you're not just showcasing your poetry.

If you have any questions about navigating the site, feel free to ask.


- NaomiM

Emily Lockhart at 16:21 on 07 December 2008  Report this post
Hi Naomi,
Thanks very much for the words of welcome! I'm a new comer, not only to WriteWords, but also to writers' forums and sites in general! How naive of me, but I never really appreciated how many people there are out there writing away and sharing opinions and ideas! I look forward to lots of honest advice!

Emily

Prospero at 07:51 on 08 December 2008  Report this post
Hi Emily

A deals a deal, so here I am.

Firstly let me say, I have the poetic ability of a peanut ; which is why I don't write any poetry, but I can read and appreciate it.

I liked Fate. I could easily understand and follow the narrative and the sense of loss experienced by the girl and about to be experienced by the young man.

Growing Pains, I struggled with. I didn't understand the first line and although I managed fine after that and enjoyed the rest, I kept going back wrestling with and failing to understand.

You definitely have talent Emily, and this is without doubt, the place to develop it. I have been with WriteWords for around three years and my writing has improved out of all recognition in that time.

I doubt you will find a better, more supportive, environment than this for a new writer.

If you decide to join (make it a Christmas present to yourself) we would be delighted to see you in Flash One or Two. That is a real hot-house environment where experimental writing is the norm.

May I suggest you seek out Oonah Joslin (a fellow poet on this site, you will find her where you found me in Flash One) a good friend of mine, and tell her I sent you. She will be pleased to chat to you and knows a lot more about poetry than I do.

Best

John

<Added>

I forgot, Oonah goes under the pen-name 'V'yonne'

You can send her a WW Mail under that name.

John

NMott at 11:30 on 08 December 2008  Report this post
Interesting poems, Emily. The first one, espeically, conjured up some vivid images for me.
I'm afraid childrens fiction is my genre, so I'm not sure what to say in terms of contructive feedback, only perhaps to suggest that in the second poem there should probably not be a change from the '3rd person' to the '1st person' half way down.


- NaomiM

Emily Lockhart at 13:22 on 08 December 2008  Report this post
Hi John,
Thank you so much for your feedback and words of encouragement - it's the first time I've ever looked for any comments on my work so it's an exciting time for me! I'm here looking back at Growing Pains again and can see why the first line doesn't really work. When I was writing it, I was thinking of 'strong independence' as an alternate state to 'little girl' but I see what you mean and I'll work on that. Thanks also for the tip about Oonah; I'm in the middle of exams right now but I'll definitely look her up over the Christmas period and yeah, I think I'll be joining in the New Year! thanks again!

Em

Emily Lockhart at 13:26 on 08 December 2008  Report this post
Hi Naomi,
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my poems and I really appreciate the comments. I see what you mean about Growing Pains - it was one of a few I churned out during a frenzy of writing a while back so it's a bit rough and ready; I must go back to it and see what I can do! Em


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