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Christmas Time

by hailfabio 

Posted: 10 December 2008
Word Count: 84


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A patch of frost
is rudely unsettled from its slumber, as
a well coated man scrubs
the windscreen of his car.
A carpet
of morning sparkle covers all
that is bare and has braved the
night.
The wide blue sky looks warm but feels so cold
as low flying sun-rays glare through
buildings and across rooftops.
An elderly woman
with an eye for a bargain
carefully treads past,
she breaks an icy expression to send a smile.

It's true that Christmas time has begun.






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Comments by other Members



purpletandem at 23:34 on 16 December 2008  Report this post
Hi Hailfabio,

I really liked this. I first read it soon after posting and the image of the windscreen scrubber and the bargain-eyed woman has stayed with me since.

The breakthrough of the woman's smile is a very subtle but powerful comment about Christmas, I think.

At first I wasn't sure about scrubbing, but I have very much come round to liking this description - much more evocative than, say, 'scraping' of the vigour we have to put in to getting our windscreens clear.

Just one tiny thing - would it be better to have the sun galring 'between' the buildings? 'Through' made me think they might be penetrating the walls, in one side out the other; or maybe that was the point? Just a suggestion.

Thanks for this poem. It did me good.

pt

ellynelly at 15:35 on 22 December 2008  Report this post
I enjoyed this poem. Thanks for posting.

You did a great job presenting the two characters to us.

My fav. lines are the ones with the old woman.

An elderly woman
with an eye for a bargain
carefully treads past,
she breaks an icy expression to send a smile.


Elly

hailfabio at 15:54 on 22 December 2008  Report this post
Thanks very much, glad you both enjoyed the poem, I wrote it for my Christmas cards this year.

Agree that 'between the buildings' is better. Well spotted.

Merry Christmas.

Stephen


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