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Lord Of Nepheshia

by tusker 

Posted: 13 January 2009
Word Count: 443
Summary: For Flash 1 challenge


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After devouring his second feast of the morning; a feast of whole roast boar accompanied by roasted green, red peppers, garlic and herbs, Lord Nepheshia died while half-way through his favourite pomegranate and cherry pie dessert.

Courtiers, stunned by the sudden demise of their thirty two year old Lord, made hasty preparations for a grand funeral while his loyal servants managed to roll the dead ruler’s massive bulk onto a wide,lead bier.

After cleansing their master’s body with essence of lavender, Lord Nepheshia’s body was draped in yards of pure white linen while the Royal Canary sang a beautiful dirge from its golden cage.

Seria, a black puma, watched the proceedings from her red velvet cushion that lay beside a pink marbled fire place and as she watched, she observed the ritual with certain knowledge that past royal pets were slain and laid to rest beside the bodies of their dead masters.

Eji, her young keeper, had grown fond of the puma and was proud that Seria permitted only him to tend to her needs and as he caressed her silky ears, she wound her sleek body around his legs, her thick platinum collar, studded with one ruby the size of a man’s fist, richly glinting in fire light.

‘Unleash me after Lord Nepheshia’s body is taken into the inner sanctum and the ruby will be yours,’ Seria purred to Eji.

Startled by the purring voice but not having the heart to carry out his duty by slaying the beautiful feline, and lusting after the precious jewel, Eji promised the puma that she would be saved.

When the time came, Eji unleashed Seria and as he released her, the cat leapt upon him killing him with one snap of her jaws. Then crawling beneath white linen, she nestled between her Lord’s obese legs where she remained.

On the following afternoon, as the funeral cortege emerged from the dark confines of the inner sanctum, eight white oxen harnessed to the bier, began to haul their heavy load through gilded palace gates, and as they did so, millions of rose petals poured down from roof tops, creating a flood of reds and pinks on cobbled ground.

Amid the sounds of grief, Seria crept from her hiding place and, jumping down, slunk off into a dark alley, unseen by thousands of weeping eyes.

Three hours later, the cortege arrived at the Lord’s opulent resting place.

‘Slay Seria and the royal canary!’ The Lord’s Chancellor cried out to the now silent crowd.

High up on a cypress clad hillside overlooking the city, black storm clouds loomed and growled with ominous intention as Seria purred her future revenge.






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Comments by other Members



Forbes at 14:37 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer

...er I missed the storm. I think you got everything else!

Very biblical.. and for some reason it reminds me of a story called "The Maneating Leopard of Rudrapryarg" which a teacher very improperly read to the 4th year junior class of which I was a member.

Were the rose petals the storm? Or the grief?

I enjoyed it anyway.

Cheers

Avis

tusker at 14:42 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Avis,

Glad you liked it. Never read that story you mentioned.

The coming storm was mentioned at the end. Sneaked it in.

Jennifer

choille at 15:32 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

Very good - everything in there - well done.

A great tale - like a fable.

Miny picks: I think you need an 'and btw green & red peppers. I think you could do away with the second 'body' in
After cleansing their master’s body with essence of lavender, Lord Nepheshia’s body was draped...


This seems to be set in ancient times - I don't think they had platinium then...?

Would people not wonder & comment about the dead body of Eji or did the puma gobble him up?

This is really good - loads packed in.

Great read.
All the best
Caroline.

tusker at 15:53 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Caroline,

Glad you liked it.

It's more of a fantasy tale than set in any particular time or place.

I'll sort out the picks.

I should've made it clearer that it was dark inside the inner sanctum so no-one would notice any blood stains and that Eji, Seria's keeper, would be leading her to her doom.

Jennifer

choille at 16:51 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer - It is clear that the keeper is leading her to her doom, to be entoombed with her master. I did find it a little confusing about where the body was & if they took the body from the inner sanctum back to the palace & then back again to the inner sanctum, but that's probably me being slow here.

All the best
Caroline.

tusker at 17:12 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Caroline,

I've made a right pig's ear of this, haven't I?

The body was taken out from the inner sanctum and through the palace gates.

Jennifer

Bunbry at 17:15 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
I loved the atmosphere of the whole this, this is what you do really well, top stuff! You have lost half a mark for switching points of view a couple of times, but no worries!

Nick

tusker at 17:26 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks for your kind words, Nick.

Yes, I realise now that I switched a bit. Maybe it's because of my triple personalities. Only joking, I think.

Jennifer



choille at 17:36 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
No you haven't made a mess of it at all - It's really good.
Caroline.

tusker at 18:26 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks Caroline.

Jennifer

Prospero at 18:37 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Very exotic, Jennifer.

Frankly, if it is a fantasy you can have fist-sized rubies in what ever you like, a cornflakes packet might be pushing your luck, but then again...

Thanks for the read I enjoyed it.

Best

Prosp

V`yonne at 20:05 on 13 January 2009  Report this post
Loved the atmosphere and the clever cat. I take it her beloved master was poisoned. Very colourful and Prosp is right about the cornflakes - I find rubies in there regularly...

tusker at 07:20 on 14 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks John and Oonah.

Ruby is my birth stone but I've never possessed one. Perhaps I'll fine a ruby in my Cheerios.

Jennifer

Forbes at 16:16 on 14 January 2009  Report this post
Ahhh! missed it! I think this is a good 'un too, it has the feel of an oft told verbal story. You know?

Avis

<Added>

aand no your story was nothing like that one. I don't know why it poppoed into my head - probably the big cats, that's all.

tusker at 16:35 on 14 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks Avis.

I'm a cat, dog person and any animal person. They need to get their own back sometimes.

Jennifer

Jumbo at 18:11 on 14 January 2009  Report this post
Jennifer

I enjoyed this, great characters - loved the puma and the canary - and a tale of long ago.

My only pick would be, I did wonder if you've overcooked it on the adjectives, just a little? I found that in places they got in the way of the story and slowed down an otherwise enjoyable read. But that may be me being over sensitive. Just a thought.

All the best

john

tusker at 18:23 on 14 January 2009  Report this post
Hi John,

Thanks.

You could be right. I'm a dab hand at over cooking. Ask my hubby?

Jennifer

Jordan789 at 03:18 on 15 January 2009  Report this post
These talking animal stories always surprise me!

I thought it interesting how the beast was portrayed, cunning and lethal. Kind of like a panther!

THe story contains some moral lessons, like don't trust a panther when it tells you that it will give you its jewels!

Only pick I have is that, as usual, you have some very long, long run-on sentences that can be a little convoluted. I suppose (I just checked again) they're not run-ons, they just happen to be very, very long. It's your style, but I find it helps to shake things up by varying sentence length.

Jordan

tusker at 07:51 on 15 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks Jordan.

I can be long winded.

As a long short story writer by nature, it sort of happens. Back in the good old days, when I submitted stories to women's mags, sometimes I was told my sentences were too short!!

Jennifer

Jordan789 at 14:33 on 15 January 2009  Report this post
maybe you took their advice to heart and stopped using periods?

tusker at 14:59 on 15 January 2009  Report this post
Maybe.

But I complied, got paid, which was nice in the beginning but found, after a few years, that writing happy ever after stories weren't very satisfying.

Now I tend to write what my hubby calls, 'and then they died stories.'

Jennifer

tiger_bright at 14:32 on 16 January 2009  Report this post
Really rich and vivid, Jennifer. I enjoyed it.

Sarah

Elbowsnitch at 15:07 on 16 January 2009  Report this post
A wonderfully strange story, Jennifer - and yes, as Tiger says, so rich and vivid. My nitpick is, if all eyes were on the funeral cortege, how could Seria possibly creep out unnoticed? But apart from that, really great!

Frances

tusker at 15:24 on 16 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks Frances.

Jennifer

tusker at 15:25 on 16 January 2009  Report this post
Thanks Sarah.

Jennifer


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