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`To the moon!!

by Miss Bower 

Posted: 29 January 2009
Word Count: 342
Summary: A short bedtime story about a hapless little man who goes on small adventures but they usually do not work out quite as planned. THe pace is gentle and the story is 'sweet'

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Little man in a big balloon Set off from earth to see the moon.

Up he rose high into the sky armed with a flask and some apple pie.

With an umbrella to keep out the rain and a map to help him down again.

The journey was long and soon it was night, he shone his torch it was very bright.

He took a book and a magazine as well, how long to the moon you never can tell.

When morning came roud little man was bored. He gave a big sigh and pulled on the cord.

And as the air escaped from his big balloon he looked down to earth and would be home very soon.

Faye Bower.

Story 2: 'Ahoy There'

Little man went out in his boat. Wore three life jackets to keep him afloat.

The sun was shining it was a bright, clear day and just enough wind to float him away.

With a jar of humbugs and copy of the times. A spare pair of wellies and noisy windchimes.

He knotted a hanky and place it on his head the sun was hot and he didn'nt want to go red.

Then closed his eyes and began to dream as his little boat drifted gently down stream.

He sailed to an Island far out of the way, with unexplored caves and a rather large bay.

But he woke up suddenly when his boat crashed into rocks. Water poured in and soaked him to his socks.

All of a sudden it was time to bail out. Using his bucket the water he cast out.

Until only a puddle was left on the boat floor. Little man did not want to drift anymore.

So he rowed to the shore and secured his boat. Now full of water and barely afloat.

Then took off his wellies and wrung out his socks and left them to dry on some nearby rocks.

And as the sun set across the deep sea Little man went home in time for his tea.

Faye Bower.

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Comments by other Members

fluffybunny at 09:28 on 30 January 2009  Report this post
Hi Faye
yes it is very sweet. I could see this in an anthology of children's poems rather than as a children's picture book as I am not sure it is quite long enough to fill the normal 12 double page spreads. Perhaps you could break up the lines a little more to sho how you would fill the pages and think about what an illustrator could use to make the pictures to amplify the story - that always helps me to think about content
You could always add in more details - like what he did when he was there (eg met aliens or bounced about) or who he met on the way (past birds for example)At the moment he plans the trip goes and comes down again - I think children will want to see him do a bit ore. Cool idea though.

one little typo
When morning came roud

look forward to reading more of your work

Kara at 18:58 on 07 February 2009  Report this post
I enjoyed the feel of this but agree with fluffybunny ( are you really called that?) that a bit more of what he did would make the story better. If I were you ( but ignore this if you think I am being rude) I would take what you have written as the basic style/ rhythm and expand it. Dare to do more! best wishes

fluffybunny at 19:09 on 10 February 2009  Report this post
Hi Faye
I wonder if you could use both the stories and take the best bits of both to make one picture book with lots of different adventures within one book? You could then get away with 4 lines of verse per page and make up the usual 24 pages? I'm thinking that more would happen for a young child - perhaps do around months of the year or days of the week? On Monday he goes to the moon, tuesday he goes on his boat ... with each adventure failing then Sunday he decides to stay at home and something amazing happens?
That way you have the additional teaching of days of the week/months of the year (oooh you could get seasonal with that one)
He could become quite a little character!!! And sequels!!!
But it depends if you are going for the traditional picture book market or something a little longer for first readers.
Feel free to ignore!!!
Kind regards

Miss Bower at 18:33 on 19 March 2009  Report this post


many, many thanks for your advice on my 'little man' stories. I have been away for a while and it was great to return pleasant emails!
I like the idea of the days of the week and once I have got my hectic weekend out of the way I will be knuckling down and getting to work on this.

Once again,

Many, many thanks.


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