Login   Sign Up 



 

Charlie cont.

by fbtoast 

Posted: 22 June 2009
Word Count: 1389
Summary: There's a certain amount of sex in this - hope it doesn't make you want to nominate me for that Bad Sex Writing award!


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


Embarrassment gave way to irritation. What was wrong with him? What had I ever done to the man? I made my way to the other lit doorway and found our bags dumped on the floor by the bed. I wrinkled my nose at the damp and musty smell of the room. It was big and well-proportioned, with some good oak furniture in it, and would have been a fine room, if it were not for the smell, the damp discolouring a corner of the ceiling, the cobwebs, the threadbare carpet and the general air of neglect and decay.

John came into the room. ‘Alright? Sorry about baby brother. He just bit my head off on the stairs. He’s a moody bastard. We’ll catch up with him in the morgen.’

‘We can’t stay here,’ I said faintly. ‘Look at this place. It’s damp. It smells.’

He pooh-poohed all my objections. ‘Don’t be such a girl. What’s wrong with it?’

Nothing I could say would convince him that people didn’t live like this. Eventually, I gave up and went downstairs grumpily to look for clean sheets. The place was so big it actually had a laundry room. In an airing cupboard by the boiler I found some dry blankets, but the only clean sheets I could find were draped over a drying frame pulled up to the ceiling. I couldn’t get the rope undone to bring it down, so I had to climb up on a rickety chair to pull it down. Feeling very sorry for myself, I clumped upstairs with armfuls of blankets and sheets and started to make up the bed. In spite of the cold, I also opened the window to try to air the room a bit.

The bathroom made me want to weep. Again, it would have been a fine room if it had not given the impression that nothing in it had been used for about ten years. There was a worn toothbrush lying on the edge of the sink and a rolled-up tube of toothpaste. A very old towel hung from a hook on the back of the door. The bathtub looked as though someone had come home from a muddy football match some time in 1995, had a bath and decided not to pull out the plug, but just to seal the door of the bathroom and leave time and evaporation to empty the bath. Under the sink, there was a squeezy bottle of Jif and a sponge, neither one of which looked as though they had ever been used. In fact, the sponge was still in its plastic pack of three. The hot water came courtesy of one of those frightening geysers that you had to light with a spill, only there were no spills, just a box of kitchen matches, which bore on them the label of a supermarket chain that had gone out of business two years ago. Somehow I managed to light the gas with only a minor explosion and was rewarded with copious amounts of steaming hot water. Only after about half-an-hour of determined scrubbing, by which time I was rosy and glowing with the exertion, did I deem the bath to be clean enough for me to consign my naked body to it.

I found John downstairs in a kind of small sittingroom, where he had lit a fire and set up his laptop. He was sitting at a desk, a tumbler of whiskey at his elbow, and some dire-looking spreadsheet open on the laptop. ‘You were a long time. Were you lounging around in the bath the whole time I’ve been slaving away down here?’

I sat down on the lumpy sofa and leaned forward to see the titles of the books that were piled higgledy-piggledy on the low bookshelf. There were a lot of them and ranged from a 20-year old physics textbook to Cicero. Eclectic was the word for it. But there was nothing more recent than about ten years ago.

‘What does your brother do?’ I said.

‘Chas? Not a lot.’ He laughed.

‘For a living, I mean.’

‘No idea. He must be living off his savings. He used to be an engineer. Worked for ABB. Spent years in the Far East working on some dam project in the jungle.’

‘Why, what was wrong with it?’

He looked puzzled and then laughed and said, ‘No, an actual dam project, you know, hydro-electrics.’

I felt stupid even though I don’t know how I was supposed to have known that.

‘Although it has been one damn project after another, especially after Katie died. His wife.’

‘He was married?’

‘Yes, tragic business. Ectopic pregnancy, do you know what that is?’ (Yes. I’m not a complete moron.) ‘After the funeral, Charlie lit out for the Far East. We all thought he’d gone away to forget. We half-expected him to come back hitched up to some Filipino babe, because he’s a bit of a geek, my brother, I’m sorry to say, but no. Two years ago he comes back – by then the aged p’s had died and we were on the verge of selling this house – but he turns up, chucks in his job, moves back into the place and buries himself alive in the country.’

I thought that it was unsurprising that Charlie had not managed to find someone to marry him in the Philippines. I mean I expect even your average impoverished desperate Filipina has her standards. I was more surprised that he had managed to find someone to marry him the first time round.

‘I’m going to bed,’ I said. ‘I’m shattered. You coming up?’

‘I’m just going to finish this. I won’t be long.’

I climbed the stairs wearily and let myself gingerly into the bed. At least with the bed made up with the fresh sheets and blankets I could relax a bit and the open window had freshened up the room, even if it was so cold I could see my breath.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes to a dark room. John was still not there. I lay staring at the square of pale night sky in the curtainless window. I could see the light from the room next door lighting up the treebranches opposite. I heard floorboards creak in the next room and the sound of Charlie clearing his throat. It sounded as if he were just on the other side of the bedroom wall. I drifted off again and the next time I woke it was because John was crawling into bed beside me. He was naked and his body was cold. ‘You’re lovely and warm,’ he mumbled, pressing himself up against me. I could smell whiskey on his breath.

‘I’m asleep,’ I protested feebly, but he was not to be deterred.

‘You just lie there,’ he said. ‘I’ll do all the work. God, you’re so hot.’

‘What about Charlie?’

‘What about him?’ he said, his voice muffled by my breasts.

‘He’s right in the next room!’

‘Who gives a fuck? That’s even hotter, knowing my poor little brother’s in the next room, listening to us fucking.’

I suspected that that was half the appeal for John. He was unusually enthusiastic that night. I’m quite noisy generally, but the thought of Charlie just feet away made me determined not to let a squeak escape me and I was doing pretty well until right towards the end, when John was heaving away on top of me and I was lost in one of my own private fantasies, suddenly unbidden I got a flash of Charlie when I’d barged in on him earlier in the evening, his naked muscled torso, close enough for me to catch his scent, a combination of clean sweat, earth and woodsmoke – I got a flash and simultaneously I came out loud, I couldn’t help myself. My coming set John off too (a much quieter affair, more like a grunt of release) and then he rolled off me and we both lay there panting. My heart was beating like a drum. John was smirking smugly. He was asleep in seconds, one hand lying proprietorily on his breast.

I lay awake longer, feeling my heartbeat slow. What was that all about? I fell asleep, wondering.







Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



SJ Williamson at 08:00 on 23 June 2009  Report this post
Nicole,

There is a smouldering and tense story in here, although her voice is modern and easy, hidden underneath is a sprung coil I feel. There are some lovely observations here. The house is particularly reminiscent of somewhere I lived for a few months, and even the sex scene reminded me of the couple we shared with who had VERY noisy sex, and it was certainly entertaining! As was your description – not cheesy at all I thought.

‘You were a long time. Were you lounging around in the bath the whole time I’ve been slaving away down here?’


- loved this. Classic bloke (no disrespect guys). You spend ages cleaning, and they think you've been sitting on your arse doing nothing! Love this.

...Spent years in the Far East working on some dam project in the jungle.’
‘Why, what was wrong with it?’
He looked puzzled and then laughed and said, ‘No, an actual dam project, you know, hydro-electrics.’


- I loved this little pun in here. Thinking about it, I wonder if it would be even funnier if you didn't have the line "I felt stupid even though I don’t know how I was supposed to have known that." after it? May just be me, but it did make me laugh.

as did this -

(Yes. I’m not a complete moron.)


- it came in a really serious part of the conversation. But this little snippet of her thoughts lightened it.

Very enjoyable, and I'm very very excited about the next bit. This is so different from Chosen, and I do love that. It's nice to see your versatility though Nicole, you’re a talented lady.

SJxx


freynolds at 08:03 on 23 June 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole,

Just finished reading the first and the above chapter of 'Charlie'. I like the atmosphere here. You have conveyed visuals and olfactory elements very well. The sex scene is intriguing in that it suggests Ermine is both repulsed by, and attracted to Charlie. I like the contradiction in that. It has echoes of Lady Chatterley.

Really enjoyable.

Fabienne

THS at 14:01 on 23 June 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole,

Really good continuation of the first part having been introduced to Charlie.

Very much agree with SJ on the comments and the funny bits, especially the 'damn' project, ha ha.

- I loved this little pun in here. Thinking about it, I wonder if it would be even funnier if you didn't have the line "I felt stupid even though I don’t know how I was supposed to have known that." after it? May just be me, but it did make me laugh.

I too thought you probably didn't need that last bit as you know yourself that you would feel a bit stupid even though it's not your fault. Maybe you could slip in something about her being a bit embarrased or that her face turned a bit red instead. Anyway, not important-just a thought

Oh, I so do that as well - (not during 'that' moment or at least I'm not admitting to it!) re think of someone being totally sexy when in reality, I wouldn't even consider them in the slightest! I think alot of women would relate to that as show us a toned torso, and even Mr Bean would look attractive!

T



<Added>

p.s. didn't feel embarrased about the sex scene at all. Came across as being really natural and normal and so blended really well.

Jane Elmor at 15:13 on 23 June 2009  Report this post
hi Nicole - this is great! I hate to disappoint you, but it's not worthy of nomination for the Bad Sex writing Award at all! It's so hard to write sex, and you do it excellently by just telling it like it is! Very realistic, and I love the last line, with her wondering what that rather unwelcome fantasy was all about!
I thought you created the atmosphere brilliantly of the relationship between the partners, your narrator's annoyance with this grimey house, and Charlie's brooding presence. Those little insertions of her thoughts (e.g. "Yes. I’m not a complete moron.") were great at getting across the narrator's personality, which is really likeable and funny...
‘I’m asleep,’ I protested feebly, but he was not to be deterred.

‘You just lie there,’ he said. ‘I’ll do all the work. God, you’re so hot.’

‘What about Charlie?’

‘What about him?’ he said, his voice muffled by my breasts.


Hilarious! What great dialogue writing; the comedy really made me laugh, but the realism of the situation is also refreshingly honest, and at the same time it moves so deftly into the sex action! Very cleverly done!
I love that she fantasises about the bloke she has such a distaste for, and you've set it up well so that it took me by surprise. It turns Charlie into a bit of a sex beast! I really want to read on about the next morning now - I'm with your narrator in knowing I'll be seeing him in a different, rather embarrassed light!

JCx

nezelette at 16:23 on 23 June 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole

Again, that's great. Quick and efficient (amd I'm not just talking about the sex!)

That Charlie is definitely sexy, in his beastly way. How exciting! How intriguing!

MORE!!!

Nancy

StephB at 14:14 on 24 June 2009  Report this post
Nicole,

I found myself instantly associating with your MC and I just want to keep reading.

The humour seems very natural, there are some really funny moments in this.

I thought you did the sex very well - it was so real; not dressed up to something its not, just ordinary sex between a couple who've been together a while.

I get the feeling that underneath his unkempt exterior, Charlie is actually a real looker - I can't wait to read on!!

Steph x

nezelette at 21:14 on 24 June 2009  Report this post
Hi Nicole

I need to tell you I keep thinking about Charlie (the story, not the man ; )
I really want to read more and i can't believe you've got me hooked with two little uploads!
It reminded me of Paul Auster for some strange reason. My favourite writer.

Nancy

fbtoast at 06:16 on 25 June 2009  Report this post
Hi guys

I'm so glad you're enjoying it. I'll post up the next instalment today.

Nicole


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .