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Dog Fight

by tusker 

Posted: 07 July 2009
Word Count: 367
Summary: For Caroline's challenge


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Harry propped his bike up against the gate. Joyce laid her's beside his. Scrambling up onto the gate, they looked across the field to where Joyce’s father harvested hay.

‘I heard you crying in bed,’ Joyce said.

‘I wasn’t crying.’ Harry kept his eyes on a rabbit in the near distance, remembering last night’s delicious rabbit casserole Joyce’s mother had made.

‘You miss your Ma.’ Joyce cast a quick glance at the twelve year old boy who’d been evacuated to her family’s farm, three months ago. ‘I’d miss my Ma and Pa too,’ she went on to say. Harry nodded, a lump in his throat, choking off any reply. ‘Thanks for my birthday present,’ Joyce said.

Harry cleared his throat. ‘It wasn’t much.’

‘It’s lovely.’ She took out a hand crafted wooden doll from her dress pocket. ‘You’ll be a sculptor when you grow up.’

Harry grinned. ‘I want to be a farmer like your Dad.’

‘You can be whatever you want,’ Joyce said.

Harry looked at her, a ten year old child with an old head on young shoulders. Then above the lazy noise of the tractor an unfamiliar sound reached them. Looking up, Harry pointed to a plane closely followed by another. They heard gunfire. Saw spurts of yellow and smoke.

‘It’s a Messerschmitt. That’s a Spitfire,’ Harry said, watching both planes battle it out in a vicious dog fight.

The tractor came to a stop. Lark song died. The rabbit skittered into its burrow and Harry thought of his mother who endured nightly bombing, and his father fighting in some foreign land.

Suddenly, the Messerschmitt belched out black smoke and spiralled downwards to crash into a nearby hillside. Harry cheered. Joyce went quiet.

Looking at her, punching the air with his fist, he said, ‘Bastard German’s a goner.’ Joyce smiled a sad smile as the stench of burning fuel drifted to them on a southerly wind.

‘Come on. Let’s take your father his lunch.’ Harry jumped down into the field holding a brown paper bag containing Mr. Steven’s cheese and pickle sandwich and a beaker of wild strawberries.

Joyce, catching hold of Harry’s free hand, kept her gaze away from that pall of smoke.






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Comments by other Members



Bunbry at 16:41 on 07 July 2009  Report this post
A nice story, but I'm not sure about the Stark Reminder part as it feels like it doesn't belong somehow. See what others think about that line.

Nick

tusker at 16:59 on 07 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Nick,
Thanks for your comments.

I felt that children, away in the country felt safer. Then, of course, with the dog fight, the stark realisation was that war is brutal and does intrude upon their lives.

I remember, as a kid, fearing The Bomb. Each time I saw a Ban The Bomb badge it scared the life out of me despite not really understanding what was going on.

Of course, I earwigged into adult conversations so picked up a lot of their fears.

Jennifer









Findy at 05:30 on 08 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer

Lovely story, enjoyed very much.

findy

tusker at 07:34 on 08 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks Findy.

My late father's painted study of two children sitting on a gate watching a Spitfire fly over countryside, hangs on my study wall right beside me. He was in the RAF during the war.

This room is the only room where I've hung or propped up lots of sentimental bits and pieces, including books, that I can't bear to hide away or throw out, but they come in use one way or the other at times.



Jennifer

tractor at 07:55 on 08 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

liked this very much. Both my parents were evacuated from London to the countryside. I think you capture the situation well. My own offering is almost complete and has some similarities. No plaigirism, honest.

Cheers

Mark

tusker at 13:57 on 08 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks Mark.

Hope your parents had a happy time. Some didn't.

No probs as far as your story is concerned. Great minds and all that.

Jennifer

Jordan789 at 04:44 on 09 July 2009  Report this post
This is a lovely read, Tusker. Thoroughly enjoyed. Only suggestions I have are 2: to remove the word "vicious" before "dogfight" as the word doesn't seem to do the dogfight accurate justice. Personal preference on my part and my adjectives. It seems like a loose fit.

Also, that last phrase seems to come from somewhere else, outside the story, and it seems like a summary, or something a historian or English teacher might say in response to the story. I would end the story at "...that pall of smoke."

Again, thoroughly enjoyed.

Jordan

tusker at 07:32 on 09 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks Jordan for your comments and tips.

Will have a think.

Jennifer

choille at 21:41 on 09 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

Lovely wistful tale - her with an old wordly wise head & the lad all black & white re the German Bastards.

Good that you've eased in all the prompts smoothly.

One or two nit picks:
Joyce laid hers beside his
Think you need an apostrope at her's.

‘It’s wasn’t much.’
Think it should be it.

Really liked this bit:
The tractor came to a stop. Lark song died. The rabbit skittered into its burrow and Harry thought of his mother who endured nightly bombing, and his father fighting in some foreign land.


I tend to agree about the ending - the stark reminder is a bit too moralistic and kinda spoils it a little for me. I think it would be stronger & more poignant without it, however a great flash with some lovely observations.

I really like it.

All the best
Caroline.

tusker at 07:39 on 10 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Caroline,

Thanks for your kind comments.

I've corrected the errors and deleted the last line which both you and Nick suggested.

LMJT at 20:15 on 10 July 2009  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

I liked this very much. It was very visual and s great snapshot of a scene between two victims of circumstance.

No nitpicks!

Thanks for the read.

Liam

tusker at 12:46 on 11 July 2009  Report this post
Thanks for you nice comments, Liam.

Jennifer


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