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Georgina

by Laurence 

Posted: 06 October 2009
Word Count: 1915
Summary: Working on this piece for a competition. If anyone has time to make comments I would appreciate it.


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Georgina

Tap,tap,tap.

Sophie looked up from her key board and checked the computer screen for the umpteenth time that morning. She smiled to herself and returned to her typing.

Tap.tap,tap.


Sophie was so pleased with herself. She had been a little reticent about applying for the job after all there were plenty other applicants who were shall we say better qualified. The library was quiet at the moment the initial rush of changing books by the ‘blue rinse’ brigade had finished and the small group of children from the local primary who had listened attentively to her talk about the library had left leaving the odd sweety paper on the floor; even the ‘raincoat’ man had wandered over to the art section skimmed through the pictures of the human body and left. The building was hers but not quite, sitting at the main consul desk was Mrs Georgina McBride. Sophie disliked her intensely but it was hard to put a finger on why. Georgina had been chief librarian for the past twenty years, she was a formidable figure, often Sophie would observe people physically shaking as they returned overdue books. Georgina would snarl at them and make them feel very uncomfortable.

Tap.


Sophie pressed enter and the screen changed to the website she had been searching for – Murder most Terrible. She scrolled down until she found what she was looking for and then became fully absorbed. Sophie was not aware of the figure standing next to her left shoulder nor how long she had been standing there.

‘That looks interesting,’ whispered Georgina, ‘thinking of disposing of someone?’

Sophie turned to see Georgina desperately trying to smile at her own feeble joke. ‘Sorry?’

‘Strange website to have on the screen.’

‘Not really, I am doing some research on local history. I thought it would be a good idea to have some lunchtime talks,’ beamed Sophie knowing she hadn’t even run the idea past Georgina but she was pleased how quick she had come up with an excuse for viewing the website.

‘You’ve not mentioned it to me,’ Georgina said as her face was moving from the odd smile to a grimace which was more familiar to her.

‘I thought I would plan a few talks and then present them to you.’

‘I see. And who will they be aimed at?’ snorted Georgina who had tried lunchtime talks and failed.

‘Anyone who would like to come.’ The conversation was brought to an abrupt halt as several people entered the library and stood waiting to return books. Georgina swung into action, she marched over to the desk and checked the return dates, Sophie could see the disappointment on Georgina’s face as she discovered they were being returned on time.

As the weeks moved in months Sophie very carefully planning the lunchtime talks. She was beginning to get quite excited about them since she had managed to enlist the help of several local historians and well-known people who all had agreed to have an input. Despite trying, Sophie found her dislike for Georgina growing almost by the minute.

It was late November when a young lady with a small child began to frequent the library, she was called Danielle Holder. Her child, Alex, was very chatty and was into everything. Georgina had glared at the child on a number of occasions to keep her quiet but she was generally rewarded with a toothless smile and giggle. Danielle liked to chat when she came into the library and Sophie was only too happy to oblige.

After several weeks Danielle revealed a most interesting snippet of information to Sophie in the Crime and Murder aisle.

‘I need to tell you the real reason why I’ve started coming to the library,’ said Danielle.

‘Sorry I don’t understand,’ said Sophie.

‘I have been searching for some of my relatives – actually one person in particular.’

Sophie looked at her with surprise, ‘Surely it’s not me! Sorry I didn’t mean it to come out that way.’

‘No, no, don’t worry.’

‘Well if it’s not me surely you don’t mean Mrs McBride?’

Danielle looked in her direction then called Alex and left the library. Sophie stared at the back of Georgina’s head and wondered how she was related to Danielle. As she closed up at the end of the day she was about to speak to Georgina when she noticed Danielle standing on the corner opposite the library. Sophie crossed over the road to speak.

‘Danielle, do you fancy a coffee?’

‘Please. I’ve been waiting for you.’

The coffee shop was about two streets away once they were seated with their drinks Danielle looked at Sophie but said nothing. It was the look in her eyes that unnerved Sophie.

‘What is the matter?’
‘I thought when I discovered my mother I would be over the moon but somehow I feel quite cold. I’ve watched her and her reaction to little Alex and wonder if I really want her in my life.’

‘Sorry Danielle but who are we talking about?’

‘Mrs McBride!’

Sophie sat there without saying a word. What could she say? She hated Georgina. Alex thought Georgina was daft but how would she fare if she discovered a new grandmother?

‘Sophie are you listening to me?’ she asked puzzled.

‘Sorry I was miles away. Are you sure it is your mother?’

‘No doubt about it. I haven’t said anything yet. Not sure how to approach her,’ she sighed.

‘Have you told anyone else?’

‘No not really, only Jack my husband. He thinks I’m daft for wanting her back in my life. After all she abandoned me when I was a baby. I suppose what I need to know more than anything else is why I was rejected.’

‘When are you going to ask her?’

‘Not really sure. Would you be with me when I speak to her?’ she pleaded.

‘I’m not sure that would be a good idea. I could be close by if things do not go smoothly.’

‘So you think I should speak to her at the library?’

‘That’s up to you. I can’t make that decision for you.’

A few days later Danielle entered the library without Alex. Sophie knew that this was the day so she busied myself in the stock room. She certainly didn’t want to give Georgina any indication she was in on the whole thing.

‘Excuse me Mrs McBride could I have a private word,’ asked Danielle.

Georgina looked at her sternly, expecting a confession about an overdue book or torn pages at the hands of Alex. ‘What does this word concern?’

‘It’s about you.’

‘Me?’ she glared at Danielle then glanced around to ascertain the whereabouts of Sophie.

‘It is very important and I would rather we speak in private.’

Georgina checked the library quickly those who were seated at desks or browsing seemed preoccupied and no one looked as if they needed help. Georgina pointed in the direction of a door marked ‘Staff’. Sophie was busying herself when the door flung open and Georgina walked in. ‘Take over.’ Sophie looked at Danielle and tried to indicate good luck with Georgina noticing.

‘Well what do you have to say? Are you going to lodge a complaint with the authorities?’

‘Why would I want to do that?’

‘We get various kinds in this library and sooner or later someone likes to discredit either me or one of my staff for something very petty.’

‘It’s got nothing to do with the library.’

‘Then what?’

‘I have been doing some research into my family background. I was abandoned when I was a baby. I have reason to believe that I have discovered my mother.’

‘Really? How fortunate for you,’ said Georgina very curtly.

‘I have just turned twenty-five…..’ Danielle did not need to finish her sentence; the reaction on Georgina’s face spoke volumes. Georgina slowly lowered herself onto a wooden chair.

‘How do you know it’s me?’

Danielle removed several documents from her bag and pressed them into Georgina’s hands. She stared down at the papers which accused her of a previous life-time. To Danielle’s surprise several tears rolled down Georgina’s face. She went to put an arm around her but was rejected. ‘Nobody must ever know about this,’ said Georgina.

‘But you’re my mother. You can’t reject me a second time.’

‘Who knows?’ she spat out.

‘Jack my husband and ..’ she trailed away.

Georgina looked towards the door and as if her eyes could bore right through she quickly tuned back at Danielle and raised an accusing finger at the door, ‘She knows? Doesn’t she?’

‘Yes.’

‘Get out. Get out of here. How dare you come with such a fantasy story expecting me to believe it. Go on get out,’ screamed Georgina. Danielle could not understand the sudden change of mood and it scared her. She ran through the library in tears as Georgina watched her disappear out into the street. Sophie stared after Danielle.

‘A word ,’ demanded Georgina. Sophie left her desk and walked back towards the stock room.

That evening Sophie was dismissed early and Georgina said she would lock up. When everyone had left the building Georgina sat down at her desk and began to cry. Her life was beginning to unravel. She could never tell her husband that she had an affair twenty five years ago which left her with a child.

Sophie sat in her small flat. She had tried to contact Danielle but it kept going to voice mail. She left a message after the fifth time, telling Danielle to ring. Sophie knew what she had to do, her hatred for Georgina had reached boiling point; her dismissal from the library had not come as a surprise. It was now or never. The weeks of plotting had to be carried out tonight. She waited another hour then put on her coat and walked to the library.

Danielle had reached home in tears. Jack demanded to know what had exchanged between Georgina and herself. Through relentless tears Danielle told how she had been rejected a second time. Something inside Jack snapped. Danielle had never seen him look this way before. He told her to lock the door and wait. Her pleadings fell on deaf ears.

Mr McBride had received a strange phone call around four. He had been called out of a meeting; his wife was hysterical and saying she was sorry. He told her to go straight home, he would be in about nine; he would sort everything.

When Sophie arrived outside the library there was still a light burning near the Staff room area, the rest of the place was in darkness. A movement from the side of the building prompted Sophie to back into the shadows. She couldn’t really tell who it was; it was a male that much she did know. He disappeared up an alley. Sophie moved towards the large window near the staff room and peered into the library. At first she couldn’t see anything out of order and presumed Georgina had left a light on by mistake; this was totally out of character. She gasped when she saw the bludgeoned body of Georgina sprawled over the floor. She flicked open her mobile and began dialling for help; someone grabbed her from behind and put a gloved hand over her mouth. The mobile was removed from her hand and a voice whispered in her ear ‘That’s not a very good idea is it?’









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Comments by other Members



StephB at 16:19 on 07 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Laurence,

I've read this through a couple of times and think its an interesting piece.

A have got a couple of questions / comments so here goes

Sophie was so pleased with herself. She had been a little reticent about applying for the job after all there were plenty other applicants who were shall we say better qualified.

After reading this a couple of times, I couldn't really understand the relevance of this job that she's applying for - as far as I could tell, its never mentioned again. At first, I was confused and it took me a while to fathom that she actually worked at the library, rather than just being there to use the computer. This sentence led me off in the wrong direction about the story.

As the weeks moved in months Sophie very carefully planning the lunchtime talks.

This didn't read quite right to me - should be be 'Sophie carefully planned'?

Despite trying, Sophie found her dislike for Georgina growing almost by the minute.

It might be nice here to tell us why Sophie's dislike is growing; I presume that you want to take the reader along with Sophie, make them dislike Georgina too?

but she was generally rewarded with a toothless smile and giggle.

I love this; I can see the toothless smile !

Sophie sat there without saying a word. What could she say? She hated Georgina. Alex thought Georgina was daft but how would she fare if she discovered a new grandmother?

I'm not sure this sentence works; it flicks from Sophie's POV, to Alex's. Or is it Sophie thinking that Alex thinks that Georgina is daft; how would she know?


‘Not really sure. Would you be with me when I speak to her?’ she pleaded.

I'm not sure why Danielle would ask Sophie this; why not her husband, or a good friend? Does this imply that Sophie and Danielle have become really good friends? I'm not sure that the story up to this point has established that.

Sophie looked at Danielle and tried to indicate good luck with Georgina noticing.

without Georgina noticing.

She could never tell her husband that she had an affair twenty five years ago which left her with a child.

I didn't feel like this was enough information about how Georgina came to have Danielle and give her away; how could she have hidden a 9 month pregnancy from her husband?

Sophie knew what she had to do, her hatred for Georgina had reached boiling point; her dismissal from the library had not come as a surprise.

So, does this mean that Georgina sacked Sophie? On the part when you said that Sophie was dismissed, it seemed like she'd just been told to leave early for the day, not sacked (That evening Sophie was dismissed early and Georgina said she would lock up.)

Just some general thoughts; although Georgina was obviously not a likeable person, as a reader I didn't hate her - I actually felt a bit sorry for her. I didn't really understand why someone would kill her; didn't perhaps see enough of a motivation; she was rude and mean but is that enough? She definitely had villan potential, so perhaps you can give us more of an insight; make us really feel strongly towards her.

I think towards the end, you were trying to point us towards a number of possible suspects, but again, I didn't empathise with their emotion and wonder if we could have more of an insight into their feelings and what would drive them to such drastic measures. For all we know, these are perfectly normal people who are driven to do something so terrible; as the reader, I think we need to really connect with why, even if we don't necessarily think its right.

Good luck with the competition Laurence, I hope this has been some help - of course, its all just my opinion and I am far from an expert

Steph x



Laurence at 18:08 on 07 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Steph

So kind of you to take time out to read and offer such useful points. I shall take on board the valid points you have made and reshape the piece. You have been really helpful.

Thanks vey much

Laurence

M. Close at 13:58 on 08 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Laurence. Nice piece. I agree with Steph about the job at the start.
And there were three areas of wording that made me stumble...

Despite trying, Sophie found her dislike for Georgina growing almost by the minute.

To me, this read like she was trying to dislike her. Maybe something like 'Despite trying otherwise, her.....'

Danielle looked in her direction then called Alex and left the library. Sophie stared at the back of Georgina’s head

This left me wanting more. It was like Danielle's leaving was kind of a non event where it should have been more of one...like.. 'Danielle looked in her direction, called Alex, and abruptly turned and left without another word.'

Sophie knew that this was the day so she busied myself in the stock room.

Shouldn't 'myself' be 'herself'?

Otherwise, and interesting tale with a lot of stuff happening quickly at the end. Could even be the beginning of a fun 'Who Dunnit'.
Good luck with the competition.

Mike



Laurence at 19:19 on 08 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Mike

Taken on board your points. I spotted 'Myself'/'Herself' when I did another read through. I have given Sophie a further reason to dislike Georgina!

I have now sent my final version off today so it's in the lap of the gods!!

Laurence

M. Close at 16:21 on 09 October 2009  Report this post
Good luck!! Let us know how you do. Inquiring minds want to know. My mind mostly just sits around and watches the world go by, but I hear minds that inquire, are curious sorts and want to know stuff......Who knew?

Hope you win!!!

Mike

Candiflare at 20:32 on 16 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Laurence!

Your piece is the first time I've laughed out loud today about the anorak man! Fantastic! I love some of your descriptions, you show you're a great observer of human nature.

I think you need to tighten up the piece a little bit because like the others who commented, I became confused halfway through about which girl was which and who thought what about who. You need to make it really, really clear. When I finally figured it out, the narrative was great, but if a competition judge is reading through it, they're not going to take that trouble and end up not following the story.

Candi

Laurence at 08:07 on 09 February 2010  Report this post
Thanks Candi for your comments.

I think you were right about a competition judge because i sent it almost as it is with some alterations based on the comments. Unfortunately it did not make it!!

Not to worry, I'll keep trying

Laurence


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