Login   Sign Up 


St Giles

by Laurence 

Posted: 10 October 2009
Word Count: 441
Summary: Week 275 Challenge

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Sarah and Charlotte arrived to an empty house; Sarah shuddered and was reluctant to enter. Charlotte flicked on the light and saw a plain envelope propped on the hall stand. She turned and looked at Sarah, her mother-in-law, who was clearly thinking the same thing; not more letters. She picked it up and slowly removed a neatly folded piece of paper.

Dear Darling,

Please understand that I need to go away for a while. It has nothing to do with you. I will tell you everything when I return. Please do not try to follow me.

Please, please forgive me any wrong I have caused you.

Your loving husband


Charlotte read and re-read the letter before passing it over to Sarah. Charlotte noticed how white she went. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘Nothing. It’s nothing,’ she said turning away but Charlotte could see the anguish on her face through the mirror on the wall.

‘You have to tell me,’ insisted Charlotte ‘What does all this mean?’

‘We have no time to loose we must go directly to St Giles’ church, my husband will know what to do.’

‘Do about what?’

‘Trust me. There is no time to lose.’ Arriving at the church they found it in darkness apart from a faint glow in the apse. A figure was moving to the left of the altar; Sarah recognised it to be that of George, her husband.

‘George,’ she called out. Her voice echoed around the empty church

‘Who’s that?’ he peered down the aisle.

‘It’s me, Sarah.’

‘What are you doing here?’

‘A letter… a letter from Kenneth,’ she waved it in the air as she rushed up the aisle.

George grabbed Sarah by the elbow and beckoned Charlotte to follow. He led them into a side chapel , ‘We’re not safe at the moment,’ he said in hushed tones as if some one might over hear. ‘Kenneth has done a terrible thing.’ Charlotte was about to speak but George held up his hand. ‘Before you were married Kenneth came to see me. He was shaken and I knew from his face he had dabbled with something evil. Through the course of his conversation I learnt that he had made a pact with the devil. A few of his friends had been to see ‘Dorian Grey’ at the theatre….’

‘But what has that got to do with his disappearance?’ pleaded Charlotte, tears rolling down her face.

‘What day is it?’

‘All Hallows Eve,’ said Sarah and then the penny dropped, ‘Oh my God!’

At the far end of the church stood a lonely figure.

‘Come up to the altar,’ demanded George.

‘I can’t.’

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Prospero at 10:55 on 10 October 2009  Report this post
Very good, Laurence. Lots of implied but unspecified menace.

I enjoyed this.



V`yonne at 14:05 on 10 October 2009  Report this post
A good spooky take on the challenge.

Forbes at 14:28 on 10 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Lawrence

A spooky tale indeed. You will have to forgive me,I don't "do" spooky - ask Oonah! But what does strike me is that this is - even though we have implied back and future story - still a vignette. Too much is not told. I guess I think it is too small a story for the story to be told! If you get my drift....

small pick - I think you have
a way
when you mean



Laurence at 15:18 on 10 October 2009  Report this post
Thanks Avis

Just sorted the pick

I am in the process of developing this piece further for a competition. My original piece was nearly 1,000 words so reducing it to 441 was certainly a major task!!


Arian at 16:03 on 10 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Laurence.

Yes, certainly a nice idea. But I suspect Avis might be right – building tension in a theme like this needs some exposition, and room to develop the reader’s empathy with the characters. For me, the resolution comes at a point where the story hasn't really had time to become involving. Still, I'm just one voice. See what other think.

I thought the ending tended to be a fraction loose – may be more drama in closing three lines up (Oh, my God).

By the way, I think you might mean lose, not loose.


Bunbry at 11:47 on 11 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Laurence, this is an enigma!

I think I would have cut out Sarah and George as they don't really add to the story, just muddle it. I'd leave Charlotte to confront the situation on her own as I think that would be more dramatic!

But well done, with some tweaks this will really work.


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .