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The Mage`s Stones

by M. Close 

Posted: 23 October 2009
Word Count: 594
Summary: Week 180 challenge...


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The band of tinkers fell under attack by forest outlaws. A maiden was pulled from her wagon and fell beneath it. The wooden wheel rolled over her leg and she passed out. Left for dead, the bandits chased after the tinkers and no one came back for her.

Presently, a wandering Mage and his apprentice happened along the path and saw the maiden in distress. Seeing a teaching opportunity, the Mage nodded towards the injured girl.

“Look here Toadstool, a chance to practice your healing. Have you a stone prepared with which to work the flows?”

“No Teacher, but I can quickly find one,” the boy replied.

“Can you?” wondered the Mage, “For she is in a great deal of pain. Were you prepared, you could have lessened her suffering considerably.”

“This won’t take long Teacher,” was his reply.

Meanwhile, the young maiden was propped up against the trunk of a tree, her peasant dress smeared with mud and leaves. It was torn and shredded, leaving her flesh much exposed. She groaned in pain and no surprise as the bones of her leg were jutting out through the muscle of her calf below the knee.

“Have you found one yet?” asked the gnarled Mage in a quiet voice.

“No! Nothing will work!” exclaimed the gangly teenager a bit too loudly.

He was frantically searching the forest floor, tossing the autumn’s layer of dead leaves about, scratching in the damp loamy dirt just off the path.

“This won’t work,” he'd say after quickly holding a stone in his hand, then discarding it.

“Maybe now you see why I keep a bag of stones prepared and ready, Toadstool,” admonished the old Mage, “You scoff at me for stopping and searching along the riverbank, or passing my hands along a pebbled cliff face. But I always have a ready supply of stones prepared and within easy reach here in my pouch, for one never knows what one might come across in the forest, or what emergency one might be called upon to mitigate. Having a ready supply of stones prepared to work the flows is an essential part of being a Mage my boy.”

“I have always been able to quickly find a stone before, why should…”

“You can help me NOW?” exclaimed the maiden, “You say you have a stone that can help me old man? Don’t talk about it, HELP ME NOW! The pain is unbearable,” she sobbed, “Please, please help me.”

“This is no longer a lesson Toadstool, this is real life, not some fantasy dreamt up by a bard in an inn. Take this stone, prepare it and work the flows around her leg to heal her as you have been taught,” he said, handing the boy a stone.

After mumbling some arcane words, the flows extended their tendrils from the stone and wrapped themselves around the maiden’s leg. With one hand, he held her shapely ankle and drew it back into position as the flows dove in and out of the leg, knitting and restoring according to the natural laws. Being a powerful apprentice, he extended the flows to the dress, mending the rips and tattered edges. The mud and leaves sloughed away as water from a duck. Soon, the maiden and the dress were completely recovered and sparkling clean.

“Well done,” thought the mage.

Smiling into the face of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, he thought, “What have I found here?”

“Hello fair Maiden,” He said as he helped her to her feet before him, “Have we met?”






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Comments by other Members



Prospero at 08:39 on 24 October 2009  Report this post
Very interesting, Milke.

As I am a Reiki Master/Teacher this had many resonances for me, not least the healing. The mage using every opportunity for teaching made me smile. I do that, though I hope I would be sensitive enough to do the healing first.

“Nice touch,” thought the mage.

This phrase is too modern and broke the spell for me. may I suggest 'The mage nodded his approval.' or 'The mage nodded approvingly' to save a word.

Otherwise, good stuff.


Thanks for the read.

Best

John

tusker at 10:29 on 24 October 2009  Report this post
I enjoyed this magical tale, Mike.

Agree with Prosp in regards to 'nice touch.'

2 nit picks: in the first paragraph, 3rd line, 'and see the maiden.' I think that should be 'saw the maiden.'

And further down you've written,"This won't work," he would say. The 'he would say' doesn't sound right. Maybe: he said?

Jennifer

librarygirl at 13:54 on 24 October 2009  Report this post
A really lovely tale. Very nicely told. I enjoyed the read.

Has the formatting gone wrong as you moved the story across? It would be easier for the reader if there was line breaks between the different dialogue lines and for NP.

I do think the writing could be tighter by taking out a lot of the adjectives and pronouns that are not really necessary.

E.g.:-

- I would remove the fair before maiden (aren’t all maiden’s fair?)

- ‘She groaned in pain and no surprise as the bones of her leg were jutting out through the muscle of her calf below the knee.’ – (would delete ‘in pain’ the actions and her groaning show us she is in pain without you needing to tell us.)

-“Have you found one yet?” asked the gnarled old Mage in a quietly deep voice. (Would delete gnarled and quietly)

These are just a few suggestions. Feel free to follow or disregard.

I really enjoyed your story and it held my interest throughout.

Liz

M. Close at 18:23 on 24 October 2009  Report this post
Thank You all for your comments. I think i fixed the formatting and have changed the "Nice Touch" bit. Made a few other slight edits as well. I learn so much from the comments, this really helps.

John, I don"t know what Reiki is, but glad it worked for you Now, I'll go look up Reiki and learn something new!!


Mike

Findy at 20:28 on 24 October 2009  Report this post
Ooh this is nice Mike, I enjoyed it. A masterful master indeed!

findy

V`yonne at 11:38 on 25 October 2009  Report this post
I liked the turn at the end there and I enjoyed the tale.

LMJT at 13:33 on 25 October 2009  Report this post
Hi Mike,

This is a great piece of writing. The setting and scenario reminded me of The Alchemist.

A good take on the challenge.

One nit:

“You can help me NOW?”


Should this be, 'Can you help me NOW?'

Thanks for the read.

Liam


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