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Boys & Girls Come Out To Play. Ch 5. Possession

by Shnarkle 

Posted: 12 November 2009
Word Count: 1593
Summary: The next chapter. Please be gentle as it is in a very raw form.

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Ben was in the lounge when the phone rang. At the touch of a button the speakerphone kicked in and Laura’s voice flooded the silent room.
“Ben, it’s me.”
“Hi, darling.” Ben heard himself saying.
“Ben, Will’s woken up! He’s awake.”
“That’s fantastic news! Is he OK?”
“Yes, yes,” gushed Laura, “He’s fine. Are you going to come over and see him?”
“Of course. I’ve just got out the shower. I’ll get dressed and I’ll be there.”
“Well hurry up, Ben. The girls visited Will in his coma; we’ve got to talk about it.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Said Emily with the red ribbons as she ended the call, and then turned to Ben.
“That was fun, wasn’t it, Daddy? She never guessed it was me.”
Ben was suspended upside down against the lounge wall, his arms spread wide and legs straight, as if crucified. Where his mouth should have been there was just a covering of skin, as if he had been born without a mouth. The other two girls were standing guard over him.
“Oh, I forgot, Daddy,” said the Emily who had spoken to Laura, “You need your mouth back, don’t you? Silly, Emily.”
With a wave of her right hand Ben’s mouth slowly reappeared. Once it was fully formed he spat, “Don’t you call me your Daddy! I’m not your Daddy!”
“Not yet, Daddy, no. But you will be soon, I promise.”
“Never! Never!” shouted Ben.
“Shall we see what might happen if you don’t, Daddy?” smiled Emily, her thin lips like a knife wound across her face. The three girls joined hands by Ben’s head and began skipping in a circle.
“Daddy, Daddy, let us see what possibly might be, if you’ll not say that you will be the dearest Daddy to me.” The girls sang over and over as their skipping became faster. Soon their legs became a blur before Ben’s eyes, and his mind began to swirl, their singing taking on a far away quality. Gradually, his mind descended into darkness.
He must have passed out, because he awoke lying on his back in total darkness. He blinked his eyes to convince himself that they were open, the cloying darkness was so complete that he wasn’t sure that he hadn’t become blind. He felt confined. He was lying straight, with his arms pinned tightly by his sides. Lifting his head slightly, he banged it against what felt like solid wood. His sudden exhalation of breath was reflected back into his face by the closeness of the surface. He couldn’t move his legs sideways, just raise his knees a few centimetres before they came into contact with the same surface he’d banged his head on.
The sudden realisation that he was in a coffin made him cry out in panic; his breath suddenly coming in short rasping gulps, the overwhelming sense of claustrophobia tipping him over into a full blown panic attack. His heart felt as if it would explode, and his brain throbbed painfully in his skull as he writhed and struggled to free his arms; sobs and gasps of fear and frustration reverberating around his ears. His heels beat a ragged tattoo on the bare wood of the coffin as he tried in vain to kick the lid open, sweat pouring from his brow joining the salty tears of fear as they poured down his cheeks.
“Let me out!” he screamed, “Please, let me out!”
Eventually he gave himself up to exhaustion, and lay there willing his breathing to return to normal as he tried to think, and apply logic to his situation. With a sudden terrible shriek the lid of his coffin flew open to the right hand side, bright sunlight blinding him after his incarceration in total darkness. He screwed his eyes shut in pain, but had already registered that he was lying at the bottom of a two metre grave dug into soft earth; the cold brown walls towering above him and framing a deep blue sky in a perfect rectangle.
He had to get out, and get out now, while he had the chance. He opened his eyes whilst at the same time began to heave himself up from the frame of the coffin. It was then that he noticed the figures standing at the edge of the grave. He froze as he recognised Laura and William, dressed in black, standing to his right. The three girls, also in black stood to the left. Laura’s demented eyes blazed down at him as she screeched, “Now is the time to die, Ben!” she laughed hysterically at him, as Ben noted with alarm that her mouth somehow opened much wider than was natural as she laughed.
“Yes, Daddy,” added William solemnly, “It’s time for you to die.”
“Time to die, time to die!” chorused the girls in their strange, phased voices. It was only then that Ben noticed that they were all holding spades. As if in response to an unseen signal they all began to shovel a pile of banked up earth down on to him, whilst chanting together, Die, die, die!”
Ben struggled to free himself from the tight confines of the coffin, but the volume of earth pouring down on him forced him back. He felt the fine, moist mud already reaching his ears, muffling the hysterical chanting above. He shook his head violently to free his ears from the mud, shouting, “Laura, Will…” but that was as far as he got, as dank, bitter earth filled his mouth, cutting off his protestations. He began to choke, which made matters worse as more mud cascaded into his mouth and nostrils, his frantic breaths drawing the suffocating soil deep into his throat and lungs and blocking his airways, whilst at the same time the mud stung his eyes shut in pain, the grit agonisingly scoring his eyeballs.
His head was now totally submerged beneath the earth that remorselessly piled on top of him; his chest heaved ineffectively in its instinctive need for air as his head throbbed and mind swam through the lack of oxygen. His frantic panic reached a crescendo of screaming nerves and muscles, and then as if breaching a barrier, his mind and body became still and calm; nothing seemed to matter anymore. As if a fascinated observer, he saw his grip on life and awareness diminish, like a deflating balloon, until all that was left was a tiny speck; and then even that disappeared, and all that was left was cold, still darkness.
“Wake up, Daddy!”
Ben’s eyes snapped open at Emily’s strict command. He was still upside down against the lounge wall. Emily with the red bows knelt down so that her head was level with Ben’s.
“We promise you, that if you don’t agree to be our Daddy, we will make sure that that happens.” Emily’s voice was pure ice. “And we also promise you that that’s nothing to what we will do to Mummy and William.” She glanced up at the other two girls, and then bent closer to Ben’s ear. “Would you like to see?”
“No.” croaked Ben, “No, leave them alone.” He licked his lips, trying to inject some saliva into his dry mouth. “What do you want me to do?”
“See, that’s better, Daddy.” said Emily getting to her feet. The three girls stood together in the middle of the room and faced Ben. With their arms outstretched towards him, their fingers twisted into claws, they began chanting in a strange language whilst, as one, their eyes rolled back into their heads so that Ben could only see the whites. Streaks of lightning sprang from their fingers to envelop Ben as they began pulling their hands towards themselves, as if coaxing Ben off the wall. With the suddenness of a breaking spell Ben’s body detached from the wall, turned the right way up, and then he sank gently to his feet; staggering from the dizziness of being upside down for so long.
“We’re going to show you what it would be like to be our Daddy.” said all three girls in unison.
“Do what you must.” groaned Ben, utterly defeated. The two outer girls slowly drifted inwards until they touched the central Emily. A bright green light flashed and boiled at the points of contact as the three Emily’s fused into one. The lone Emily’s eyes suddenly became utterly black as she slowly began to spin on the spot like a pirouetting ballet dancer. As she span faster, a cacophony of strange whispering and muttering filled the room, Emily becoming a blur of pure spinning energy. As the whispering grew in intensity, a black mini tornado slowly began to emerge from Emily, and grow in stature until it was as tall as Ben. He felt rooted to the spot, buffeted by the whispering, as the tornado moved towards him, power crackling in it’s intensity as flashes of red lightning licked at the maelstrom’s edges. In an instant it was inside him, its power spreading to every molecule of his being. Silence cloaked the room.
Ben felt the power course through his body; he had never felt this good before in his life. All of his aches, pains and tiredness had utterly disappeared, to be replaced by feelings of euphoria, strength, health and a reassuring calmness. He felt like a God; he felt indomitable.
Ben looked directly across at Emily and opened his arms wide.
“Emily darling,” he smiled, “Come and give Daddy a hug.”


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Comments by other Members

Freebird at 10:55 on 13 November 2009  Report this post

sometimes the best writing comes out in raw form. In many ways, this flowed better than earlier chapters.

I loved the twist thrown in so casually at the beginning - that Laura's voice is in fact Emily with the red ribbons. You do it so deftly that the reader comes up short and thinks "Oh NO!"

Oh, hang on - I've just read it again and I got the wrong end of the stick. I thought Emiy was pretending to be Laura speaking to Ben, but it's the other way round, isn't it? Okay, I just didn't read it carefully enough. Might be worth adding in, "I'll be there as soon as I can, [i}Laura," said Emily....

Being buried alive ... what a nightmare, and the sudden change in Ben at the end. great!

I think this is pretty good as it is. I can't remember now what you decided about your audience - this is now pretty much an adult read, since you have gone into an adult pov. Doesn't matter, though - we said we still want to read it even if it's not children's any more.



why can't I do these flippin' italics???

Pat M at 22:13 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Just when I needed a good night's sleep, having a wedding to go to in the morning!

As always, I love this, but had to read the beginning 3 times before I got who was who. The clue is there in "Ben heard himself saying", but I missed it.
If you change
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Said Emily
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” said Emily
it makes it correct grammatically and clearer. That's probably all you need, as you don't want to give it away too soon.

I'm really really claustraphobic, won't go in lifts and hate rooms without windows! So this would be my absolute worst nightmare and it made me feel a bit queasy just reading it, so that's good writing (if you see what I mean.)

With the wicked twists at the beginning and end, you can't go wrong with this story. I found myself mentally designing the cover picture!

Is this def adult now? We had a category in the library 'TA', which was meant for teenagers over 16 or adults. I think this would squeeze into that, if you alter the very horrific bit from last time about the knife and cutting out Laura's liver!

Great ending, don't keep us waiting too long for next chapter, will you.



Just noticed the request for "please be gentle with me." Hahahaha!! Shnarkle, now come on, you just frightened the life out of us!


Shnarkle at 22:32 on 13 November 2009  Report this post
Thank you ladies.
Yes, the opening salvo is a bit of a problem. I don't want to give away too early that Emily is speaking to Laura with Ben's voice; I want it to be an, "Oh my God!" moment as Emily puts the phone down. It reads a bit awkwardly to me at the moment and needs a bit of work. But, hey, as I say, this is a very raw first draft - just had to get it down while it was fresh, and wanted some feedback of the different kind of horror I've introduced, re the very real horror of being buried alive rather than a lot of supernatural nonsense.


ShellyH at 12:03 on 14 November 2009  Report this post
OMG, being buried alive is my worst nightmare. Like Pat, I'm very claustraphobic and have had panic attacks in lifts and other situations, (got shut in a freezer once, but that's another story), so your decriptions of how Ben felt were very realistic.
I did get the beginning, and I did have the 'oh my god it was Emily speaking moment,' but maybe a little tweaking would help.
I think it's clever to bring in a fear that many can relate to, makes it more real. I don't even think it needs that much doing to it.
It's very good Shnarkle and very scary. Great ending too.


SusieL at 20:30 on 14 November 2009  Report this post
When you're describing Ben being inside the coffin, I'd leave the mention of wood until a little later, as I felt it gave the game away just a bit too soon. Also, in the same part there were, perhaps, a few too many 'darkness' mentions. The being buried alive part was VERY scary - so well done with that. This does flow very well indeed. I'm not too sure whether I'm looking forward to reading the next part, or not!

Shnarkle at 23:35 on 14 November 2009  Report this post
You're right - too many "darknesses". I shall have to dust off my thesaurus. Hmmm, does that sound a bit rude, or is it just me?


SusieL at 20:23 on 15 November 2009  Report this post
Just you. ;

Ben Yezir at 20:39 on 15 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Shnarkle,

Even in its raw form this is thrilling and gripping (and scary) - what age group is this aimed at. The early twist of the wrong voice out of the wrong body (you know what i mean) would send the willies up most kids (and a lot of adults)

In general:Pare back you dialogue - don't be afraid of sparse dialogue and unfinished sentences. Like wise go easy on descriptive for 'said' - don't think gushed is right.

Otherwise nice job!

Ben Yezir

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