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A44

by Laurence 

Posted: 28 November 2009
Word Count: 444
Summary: Challenge 186


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I stood over the sink peeling onions the syn-propanethial-S-oxide reacted with my eyes. ‘Damn’ I said out loud. Tears were streaming down my face. I was preparing a casserole as a peace offering. Last night words had been exchanged and in the heat of the argument I had said things which I now regret. Emily stormed out of the house at four in the morning. I feared the neighbours had heard everything; their looks this morning spoke volumes. Emily and I rarely argue but recently things had become difficult.

There was emptiness in my life when she was not around. I phoned in sick this morning; I needed to be here when she returned. I placed the casserole in the oven. The table was set with a posy of flowers and two candles. The room was perfect all I had to do was wait. She would return I knew it. She could never stay mad for any length of time.
I returned to the kitchen and sat down. I thought about Emily and why she meant so much to me. A ring at the door forced its way into my thoughts. I turned and looked in the direction of the door. A tension gripped my stomach muscles; she never left without her keys. I saw a figure framed in the glass of the door it wasn’t her. I opened the door to see a man looking very solemn.

‘Good evening,’ he said.

‘Good evening,’ I replied, ‘can I help you?’

‘May we come in?’

I looked puzzled I couldn’t see anyone else. Another person stepped into the pool of light from the hall, a woman in uniform. I stood to one side as they entered.

‘Has something happened?’ I asked.

‘Could we sit down somewhere?’ he asked.

As if in slow motion I showed them into the sitting room. He sat on the sofa and I on a chair but the woman in uniform stood. He was saying something about Emily; a crash on the A44; a fatal crash; he was sorry; was there anyone he could contact. The words became a jumbled mess, the room started swimming. I was given a glass of water.
‘Mr Jones I need to know when you last saw Emily,’ I was stunned, I could not answer. I looked from him to the woman knowing whatever I said could be incriminating.
After awhile they left. I was all alone. The smell of the casserole filled the air. I felt empty inside. She would never return. I would never hear her voice or laughter again. I never had a chance to say sorry.

The atlas fell open at Worcester.






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Comments by other Members



CharlieMac at 16:34 on 28 November 2009  Report this post
Touching on a subject we all hope will never happen to us. A sombre entry, Laurence, I feel rather low!

For the reference to four I cannot fault you, on any level (the title [the road], the word count, the time...) Good work! And I really like the way you build a picture of the invisible aspect: Emily. Removed from the story in person but so very much there in spirit, in the minds of the reader and particularly in the mind of her regretful partner.

The policewoman is also invisible for a fleeting moment (a good build up to the dreaded lump-in-throat moment).

Just one picky bit: the atlas. It is not mentioned anywhere in the story and although it figures that the A44 runs into this town and I get the reference to it, it somehow seems superfluous. Perhaps if the atlas had been on a coffee table when the officials arrived and in his grief and confusion your character had knocked it off - or the policeman nudged it off - before announcing the bad news. Just a thought.

Apart from that, this was a good heart breaker.

(Oh, and I'll have some of that casserole if it's going. Smells good!)

Charlotte

Prospero at 20:06 on 28 November 2009  Report this post
Hi Laurence

This is a poignant tale well told.

I would if I could, but I can't usefully add anything to Charlie's comments. She has nailed everything I would have said including being confused by the sudden appearance of the atlas.

However, I draw the line at offering to share the casserole, I don't think that was in the best of taste.

Best

John

Laurence at 21:02 on 28 November 2009  Report this post
Thanks Charlotte and John for your comments.

I wanted the reader to be left wondering about the atlas and whether the MC had killed his wife but perhaps I was trying to do too much.

Laurence

tusker at 16:22 on 07 December 2009  Report this post
A good tale, Laurence. It lead me on.

Reading your comment, I didn't consider your MC killing his wife, he seemed so bereft.

If he had killed her, would he have cooked a casserole? Or was he a coniving killer wanting his home smelling of good home cooked food to confuse the police?

Jennifer

Laurence at 22:22 on 16 January 2010  Report this post
I think coniving killer might just sum the MC up!!

Laurence


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