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Witch

by Doyaldinho 

Posted: 25 January 2010
Word Count: 1690
Summary: A short story set in the fantasy world I have created for my WIP novel. I decided to write this based on the past of one of its characters. Cora's past is only implicitly mentioned but I felt it interesting enough to be told here. This is also the first time that I have written anything in the 1st person, never mind attempting to write from a woman's perspective!


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Weston was such a quiet town; it was far from Berenghast, further still from Cellador. The world did not bother us here, it barely knew we existed. The Purge of The Magi was a rumour, an exaggerated tale on the lips of traders and hunters. The simple folk of Weston knew nothing of the force of magic save for the hatred they held for those that could wield it.

I suppose I always knew it flowed through me, when I was little I always felt more at home in the forest. The forest was my nursery and my school. Father hated me for going in there.

“Fletchwood is no place for a child Cora! The woods are too dangerous!”

I heeded him not; the call of the wild was in me. I was more a daughter of nature than of him.

How majestic the trees rise; almost kissing the sky with their leafy hands and beckoning me in with the wildflowers and chirps and caws of the creatures that dwell there.

Maybe I should have started this story at the beginning, but you don’t want to hear about the girl I was, you want to hear about the woman I became.

I was eleven years old, and defying my father again to play in the woods. He and his fellow hunters would prey on the elk that roamed the trees and I would watch them from a distance, copying a hunter; not a human of course, but the greatest hunter in Fletchwood: the wolf.

I would run on all fours, bounding over the protruding roots and ground hugging fauna of the forest… keeping as low as I could until it was time to strike. All make believe of course.

I had ducked behind a felled log to spy on my father and his hunting party. I could see the buck in the distance, grazing with sweet abandon to the predators closing in. The elk was the embodiment of elegance; lithe and graceful. He was a true majesty. One of my father’s two companions, Brom his name was, unleashed his first crossbow bolt. The searing sound of the bolt tearing the air was cut short by the shriek from the elk that bounded away, lame, its left hind leg punctured and haemorrhaging as it struggled to gain ground away from its hunters. My father skipped forward and fired next, his bolt ran true and burrowed into the creatures flank. It took two more steps before collapsing in a plume of dust and leaf litter. Fergus, my father’s second companion let out a whoop of victory and raced over to the corpse.

Their blades hissed as they drew them and began to slaughter the animal there on the forest floor. Brom had a large leather pack with him to store the meat of their quarry.

I just sat there, fascinated, watching these men carve the beast, unaware of what encircled them. The black and grey shapes moving ever so slowly through the dense undergrowth, nearing the group of hunters; the humans were not the only beasts stalking the elk. Their movement was precise and delicate for something so broad and powerful. Each slow, shore-footed stride brought them closer and closer. The wolves struck.

Four of them tore from the trees that camouflaged them, with snarling maws and rending teeth they charged. Leaping and biting and howling in a blood-lust frenzy. I couldn’t help but look on, half frightened, half in awe.

Brom was taken to the ground, one wolf had his thigh while another had pinned his shoulders with its fore paws and bit into his neck. The wild dog proceeded to shake the life out of him. Fergus managed to bring his blade to bear on one of the beasts, but the weight and strength of the lupine creatures was too much for him. They tore him limb from limb; they slaughtered him there on the forest floor and feasted on his flesh.

That left only father, cowering from the pack; the Alpha pacing towards him menacingly. Each was bloody muzzled and wreaked of the sweat and gore of the kill. As they closed in growling, something inside me snapped and I found myself skipping over the log and charging at the wolves barking and yelping and shouting at the top of my voice.

“Leave my father alone!” I bellowed.

“Flee child! Run Cora! Run!” father shouted frantically flailing his arms in a vain attempt to regain the wolves’ attention. Their eight grey eyes were on me, as were their growls.

“Leave my father alone!” I shouted again.

The Alpha was stunned. He cocked his head and licked a few specks of blood from his maw. He knew what I said. At the time I thought it was the words, but now I know all you have to do is feel. If you have my gift, all you have to do is feel…

The wolves moved away from my father and began to circle me slowly. I could hear their panting and almost taste their breath they were that close. Steam rose from their muscular bodies as they circled; their breath visible on the chilled air. The Alpha approached and bowed his head; his three pack mates did the same.

I reached out my hand, tentatively at first but the closer I got to the hunter the more I grew in confidence. I ran my fingers through its long wiry fur; the heat of the wild beast’s touch filled me with joy and fear simultaneously. The Alpha made a contented sound and flipped over on his back, allowing me to stroke his flanks and tickle his belly; his blood stained tongue flapping at the side of his mouth as he pawed at me playfully. The other three wolves all followed suit, waiting for their turn to be stroked and doted on. I caught the glare of horror from my father and the look in his eyes will stay with me to the grave.

I sent the wolves away, they knew we would meet again and my father scooped me into his arms and ran the full three miles back to the town of Weston. But this place was dead to me now, I did not belong here, the townsfolk made sure I knew it.

In the days that passed my father did not utter a single word to me, and my mother grew distant. My neighbours merely whispered in dark corners amongst themselves; I could feel their stares burning in to me with every step I took around that cursed town.

“My little girl is cursed.” My father told the priestess of Gaia, who promised that she would “Take care of it.”

She meant that the Hunters would take care of it, and they arrived the next day. Six tall and broad men, clad in black robes with yellow and orange flame patterns stitched into the sides and sleeves marched through the village square of Weston. Their hoods were raised and they wore gold masks that were carved with cruel and laughing eyes.

My father held me fast as the men approached. The villager had built a pyre; I gathered it was for me. The tallest of the Hunters stepped forward.

“I have received word of a mage here in Weston.” He said addressing the gathered crowd in a pompous manner “By the power bestowed on me by King Remus I himself, I demand that this abomination be brought forth.” This wretched bastard was preaching self righteousness as he was about to murder a child.

I struggled against my father but it was no use, he was at least twice my size! He hauled me into the air and then into the arms of the advancing Witch Hunters. I kicked and screamed, my arms flailed wildly; a few of my blows landed, knocking the mask from one of the Hunter’s faces. I started to tire, my limbs failed to obey me and I succumbed easily to them. They bound me and tied me to the stake secured high on the pyre and began dousing the timbers with holy oil; to which the villagers yelped and cheered. All I could focus on was the hatred in mu father’s eyes, I should have let the wolves have him.

My eyes welled with tears, the noise of the crowd began to bleed into itself and become a dulled drone in my ears. I lost all clarity as the torch was lit. I felt nauseous and cold despite the heat creeping up to my naked toes. The flames licked at my feet, yet I recall feeling no pain. I though back to my experience with the wolves. If I could feel like a wolf feels, could I understand the ruthlessness of fire? The unquenchable hunger for flesh and wood that brewed below me, the indiscriminate desire for destruction, the endless hatred of everything not like me… The flames were not unlike the villagers in that respect.

My focus clicked in an instant. The cheers and shouts of barbaric joy had turned to screams of pain. Everywhere I looked the flames were wreaking havoc on their former masters. The buildings were ablaze; pillars of fire raging high into the night sky. I looked at the townsfolk running too and fro trying to pad out the flames on their backs and their legs. I began to laugh: a slight chuckle grew into hysterical, manic laughter.

My bonds had been burned through, and I walked down the pyre, the flames kissing and caressing me as I advanced through them. I smiled at the Hunters as they scattered with pained cries: they deserved their fate.

I caught sight of my father, cowering in front of the barn, his eyes fixed on me. The look of hatred had given way to a look of sheer terror. I walked towards him, glancing up to the burning timbers buckling above him. The crackling hunger of the inferno was not yet satisfied. I let the timbers fall. I let the fire taste his flesh. And then I ran with the wolves.

THE END






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Comments by other Members



Becca at 15:06 on 26 January 2010  Report this post
Hi Christian,
I'm perplexed by the relationship between father and daughter, how did she come suddenly to hate him, or if she'd always hated him, why save him?
I guess you're describing the moment when the daughter realised she had magic powers, but there isn't much in the way of reflection about it, or emotion attached, so for me, it doesn't come over as convincing.
As a woman talking about herself as a child, it's fine, except she'd probably not have said 'my neighbours' as a child, rather, the neighbours. It's unlikely she'd have described the nature of her own laughter written in the first person as it is. This sentence stands out as odd 'I heeded him not; the call of the wild was in me.' The rest is written straightforwardly, except for this one sentence.

I don't see this as a short story so much as the beginning of a novel because what happens to her after all of that would seem to be more interesting - it's as if she's describing a beginning of something ... and then what happens?
'shore-footed - sure-footed.
Becca.

Doyaldinho at 17:43 on 26 January 2010  Report this post
Thanks Becca,

I'll try and bring more emotion in to my 2nd draft of this: I think I was focusing on length rather than content towards the end which as I read over it again is obvious!

It looks like I'm on a steep learning curve with my writing as I've got a WIP novel, maybe I;m thinking in terms of that rather than a concise plot over a few pages.

Thank you for reading.

Findy at 18:04 on 26 January 2010  Report this post
Hi Christian

To me this seems like the start of a novel, I would like to know more - what happened next.

Why did she not call out to warn her father and his friends about the wolves if she knew they were closing in to kill them, I had this doubt.

The fire scene came out beatifully, I really liked the way you have described how the 'hunters' became the 'hunted' as the tables turned. Think the beginning of the story needs to be worked on a bit.

findy

Doyaldinho at 18:39 on 26 January 2010  Report this post
Thanks for spotting a hole Findy!

I need to provide more about what's happening inside Cora's head during the key moments in the story. I'll work on it over the next few days. Thanks for your help.

Indira at 02:54 on 27 January 2010  Report this post
Hi Christian,

I like the style of your writing - apart from the occasional bump that the others have pointed out, which will sort themselves out when you edit, you take the reader right into the tale.

This is an excellent sentence:
The simple folk of Weston knew nothing of the force of magic save for the hatred they held for those that could wield it.
, one that sets up the dichotomy of the MC's position. IMO, the story would profit by exploring this dichotomy, particularly in the context of her father.

It is interesting, I thought at first that the transition in her relationship with her father takes place when she gets back to the village. But really, it is in that excellently described moment when she herself discovers the power within her when the wolves pay obeisance. The look in his eyes! And clearly it is he who betrays her to the village. It makes her father a fascinating character, to be such a victim of his faith and belief that his fear and hate surmount his paternal love. And it almost seems as if her hate is a reaction to his.

Good luck with this, I think it has potential for a strong, interesting read.

Indira


Doyaldinho at 07:25 on 27 January 2010  Report this post
Thank you Indira for your encouraging comments

There are two points to this story I suppose:

1) That blind ignorance can lead to hatred for even a close loved one and that this is ultimately futile.

2) The irony that Cora actually became what the hunters feared only by their intervention; she would have been happy to play in the woods and to be close to creatures of the forest.

This does need work, and the emotions of Cora could be conveyed a lot better. It'll give me something to work on when I need a break from slaving away on my WIP novel. It's funny really because Cora is only a minor character in it really!

<Added>

Oh dear... one too many really in there... really...

toshi at 17:04 on 27 January 2010  Report this post
Hi Christian

I thought this story was powerfully written. I think you made the transition from the girl to the witch convincingly and in a rounded whereby the call of the wolves and the forest was answered in the final part. It had always been likely to happen, and what happened to her father was merely the catalyst. You might want to make more of her recognising that her time in the village was over. After all she had tried to save her father just before that, so she felt some kinship with him up to that point. If she doesn't feel any sorrow about her father's reaction to discovering she had magic, then you could make that clearer. Perhaps in reality she's pleased the way things have turned out?

Also, could you make more of her father's opposition to her playing in the forest, because he believed it was associated with magic?


A little bit of editing might help. I'm not sure about this bit:

Maybe I should have started this story at the beginning, but you don’t want to hear about the girl I was, you want to hear about the woman I became.


because you then proceed to tell us about what happened to her as a girl! Also, I'm not sure as a reader I want to be told what I want to read about.

All in all, a very enjoyable read and you have a fluent writing style, so I think you definitely have something work working on here.

Best wishes
Toshi

BTW, if you are going to ask for comments in Fantasy Group, it would be better if you loaded it there as well. I think you have to wait a day or so before you can do that though.





Doyaldinho at 07:27 on 28 January 2010  Report this post
Thanks Toshi,

Yeah I slipped up there, I actually thought I uploaded in the Fantasy Group. I'm a fool!

I blame fat fingers as always! Hence the typos in my draft!


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