The Instrument by Epona Love - WriteWords.org.uk

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The Instrument

Posted: 06 February 2010
Word Count: 78

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Softly, out of no-where,
A mysterious tune begins.
The sweetest music never known
Begins to stir within.

Tentatively reaching deep
Inside this empty casing,
It floods my soul with harmony
To send my heartbeat racing.

Quickens, as it soars and sweeps,
Keeps time with pulse still rising,
To reach crescendo on the air,
Then breathlessly subsiding.

And I am left with heart in hand
Displaced, confused by ecstasy.
Strings tightening, becoming cold,
Aching for you to play me.

Comments by other Members

Posted by : nickb at 14:17 on 23 April 2010

Aplogies, I've not looked here for some time as it had all gone quiet.

Wow, I think you've really captured what the right music in the right setting can do to you. I thought this got stronger as it went on. I'm not sure about:

[/Softly, out of no-where,
A mysterious tune begins.]

Maybe you could re-work that to imply the mystery of it rather than stating it is a mysterious tune?

I really liked:

[/And I am left with heart in hand
Displaced, confused by ecstasy.
Strings tightening, becoming cold,
Aching for you to play me.]

For me the last line changes the connotation of the whole piece and really makes it!

All the best,

Nick

Posted by : Epona Love at 11:52 on 24 April 2010

Hi Nick
Thank you for taking the time to look... it does seem quiet on here these days! The music is really just a metaphore anyway, so that what is implied is left unstated... but I'm assuming the metaphore isn't working... hee, hee. So I will have to have another think about it... even if it's just to make it sound right without focusing on the metaphore.
Thanks.
Emma x

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Other work by Epona Love:

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