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Precious Life

by claremerison 

Posted: 24 February 2010
Word Count: 733
Summary: Still trying to get my flash fiction to be a bit 'flashier', not sure about the conclusion, but pleased with the overall effect :-)


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The woods were alive with the bustle of nature. The scent of summer drifted up from among the ferns, down where the dampness cooled the air. The tree dwellers were rarely seen on the ground and the smaller creatures were oblivious to the festivities above. Tiny feet tapped the branches, barely causing a shudder and the vines that made their homes stretched like cobwebs across the canopy. The air shook with the sound of whispers and humming, a beautiful hymn for the most delicate of ears.
The ceremony was beginning with the chain of life; they all held hands and closed their eyes. Sey couldn’t concentrate. His eye lids flickered and the tension in his face was sure to break the chain. He wished he wasn’t so obvious, wished he could control his feelings. In his sack he carried the ingredients needed for the plan they had made together; feeling like a lead weight against his side. They had agreed, Lial and Sey, that today would be the most fitting of days, but now in the warmth of the midday sun, with the tribe gathered together, he wasn’t sure which way he would go.
To calm his churning stomach he sighed deeply, an action mistaken for satisfaction by his neighbour. She squeezed his hand tightly and joined him in the sigh. The sound of the air crackled and popped as they brought the forest to life, offering their love to the trees. They were a peaceful people, bound by the laws of nature and the passion of song.
When the chain broke it was with a throb of emotion, a pulse that pumped the life back into their veins. Sey took his chance to be alone, jumping from branch to leaf, dangerously close to the edge. When he reached the spot it was silent, no sign of life. Strange to him after the connection of the chain.
Perhaps he had been misled. His face tensed again and his jaw clenched; he had to find it in himself not to be angry. Another sigh escaped his lips and his shoulders dropped, the sack sagging from his shoulder.
The pounding of wings drummed into his head, hypnotising and relaxing his body. He let his mind wander while he waited, for what else could he do?
She would be there soon and their new life would begin, alone against the clear blue sky, two bodies made as one in life and passion. They would first travel towards the ocean, ride the waves and drift with the tide, then they would head for the mountains, up to white snow caps to huddle together for warmth and rejoice in the beauty of it all. Now that he was here, Sey was certain of his choice, he would not look back, he would not look down. He would find the happiness living in the forest could not give him; he had always hungered for more and the world had so much more to offer. Living at the tops of the trees could make you crave space if you only knew how to look. He had looked. Farther than any had ever looked before. He knew the world went on forever and he could not look down again once he had seen it. They didn’t want to know, the others. They questioned his belief, his faith in the forest, when he questioned their lives. He had faith in the trees, more than most, but so many trees and so much forest, he could not explain that love was tamed by limitations. His love was infinite and vast, stretching far wider than the chain, their chain.
The rhythmic hum, the familiar call snapped Sey’s head upwards, meeting the claws with his own well trained hands as they launched him into the air and onto the back of the beast. Her red eyes were glowing as he had never seen them before and if the creature could smile, she did so now.
“Hand on heart, claw on breast, we leave to love the world forever!”
He had always wanted to fly away, to see the wonder of the world from more than just the tree tops. As the wind whipped through his fingers, he laughed, long and light like the feathers against his skin. The friendship was akin to lovers; lovers of life, lovers of the world and all it held precious.






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Comments by other Members



tusker at 07:24 on 25 February 2010  Report this post
I really enjoyed this, Clare.

You've created a lovely fantasy world.

The ending was fine for me.

I note from your comment above is that you're still trying to get 'flashier'. I guess you're a long story writer.

My only advice would be, with flash, is to cut out what you consider unnecessary adjectives and sentences without spoiling the flow, sense of place etc.

Having said that this flash is very good.



Jennifer



Prospero at 11:31 on 25 February 2010  Report this post
Very well written, Clare. Powerful and effective fantasy with just a hint of Avatar?

I enjoyed it. Don't worry about the 'Flashiness' that comes with practice, but try precis-ing your finished piece.

Best

Prosp

Bunbry at 13:27 on 25 February 2010  Report this post
I think I would regard this as a vignette rather than a story, but it is very well done with a wonderful use of language. Enchanting.

Nick

claremerison at 17:04 on 26 February 2010  Report this post
Thanks for the encouragement, I'm still learning!

Jennifer, I'm a poet really, I find it hard to create a story rather than a moment in time. My writing tends towards a description of feelings rather than the linear and progressive. :-)

V`yonne at 13:36 on 27 February 2010  Report this post
Lovely cadences in the language here. You need some back story to set up Sey's character near the beginning but I think you're pretty flashy

Laurence at 19:07 on 27 February 2010  Report this post
Lovely crafted piece Clare, really enjoyed the read.

Laurence


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