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The Box

by Laurence 

Posted: 26 March 2010
Word Count: 500
Summary: Week 298 Challenge - Secrets


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‘Paul! Paul! Have you completed all the paper work on James O’Gorman?’

I was so engrossed in thought I had not realised my hands were resting on the keyboard and a line of t’s had sailed across the screen. The Registry Office was often dull and boring. I had thought of moving on but never got round to it.

‘Sorry Tim no problem I’ll be finished in a minute,’ I said cheerfully.

‘Look I understand things must be bad; how about taking some time off,’ he said looking concerned.

‘No I’m fine. It’s been three weeks since the accident. I need to keep myself occupied.’

There had been a gas explosion my parents had died instantly. I had sifted through the wreckage to retrieve any family items that were salvageable. I discovered an old tin box at the back of my mother’s wardrobe. I took it home and left it on the hall table for several days. I wasn’t sure if I should open it.

The day after the funeral I picked the box up and took it into the kitchen. I placed it next to me on the table. I stared at it for sometime. My hands were trembling as I prised open the lid. There were several neatly folded letters, a number of photographs and a copy of a birth certificate. The pictures were sepia and slightly faded at the edge where they had been well thumbed. A face stared out at me of a young boy. I looked through the papers to find further clues. The birth certificate read Simon John Hughes born 1941.The letters were from a Jennifer McBride, they informed mother of Simon’s progress.

‘Who the hell was Simon?’ I said out loud.

I phoned my sister Grace. ‘I’ve discovered a box in the house,’ I said calmly, ‘I think you need to see its contents.’

There was a long pause before my sister spoke, ‘I know all about it.’

‘What? You knew about this other brother?’

‘It’s complicated.’

‘How?’

‘I’ll meet you.’

We sat opposite each other in a small café. I waited for an explanation. I could see her face muscles twitching as she summoned up the courage to tell me.

‘Mother had an affair shortly after I was born; she refused to have a termination so father agreed to hush the whole matter if she went to stay with Aunt Alice until after the birth. She promised father she would give the child away. He took her back but the love went out of their marriage.’ She saw the look on my face, ‘Sorry Paul, I suppose you were conceived as part of the cover up. Father told the neighbours Mother had had a miscarriage and they would try again.’

‘So somewhere out there,’ I motioned to the street, ‘I have a brother…. we have a brother.’

‘Sorry,’ she said bowing her head.

‘We don’t?’

‘Simon died before his fourth birthday.’

Tears rolled down my face for the brother I never knew.






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Comments by other Members



tusker at 15:51 on 26 March 2010  Report this post
A sad tale, Laurence.

I enjoyed it. This situation has happened many times over the years.

I wonder why his hands trembled when he opened the box? Did he have suspicions?

Jennifer

Jubbly at 16:03 on 26 March 2010  Report this post
Oh this is so sad Laurence but very believeable and yes it must have happened all the time. For a moment I thought Paul might be Simon and they'd kept him and changed his name. Very well written.

J

V`yonne at 16:10 on 26 March 2010  Report this post
Oh to find out you have brothers or sisters that died is always awful and to be conceived as part of that scenario isn't great either. I'd take that holiday...

Crimsondelilah at 16:14 on 26 March 2010  Report this post
This is a poignant story and well written - not overly sentimental. I thought the end was a tad abrupt. I felt it needed one more line, illustrating or showing in some way how Paul felt - either at the news that of the dead brother or his the circumstances of his own conception. Otherwise though, a sad but enjoyable read.

Laurence at 16:55 on 26 March 2010  Report this post
Thanks for your comments.

I have made an attempt at a final line - I think it reveals Paul's feelings.

Laurence

crazylady at 17:57 on 26 March 2010  Report this post
Oh dear, what a sad little tale.
You have described beautifully, what must be a not uncommon story.
In modern times with high divorce and re-marriage rates, there is a mass of 'step-this' and 'half-that's in many families.
But the shock of finding that there has been a conspiracy to keep this secret from Paul must have made him feel very angry and also very isolated.
Your writing causes me to think further about the story and wonder about trust between him and his sister who has colluded in the secret all these years.

Excellent flash.

I know that many people when they begin to uncover family trees come across a few surprises.

CL

Forbes at 19:13 on 26 March 2010  Report this post


A sad tale indeed. Well written and you got it moving well.

But why did his sister know and he didn't? Also - a termination in 1941? That didn't sit well - apart from these this is a very believable tale.

Cheers

Avis

Cholero at 11:36 on 27 March 2010  Report this post
Good flash Laurence, especially the mood of sadness and elegy.

The final blow of the brother having dies so young is very strong.

Thanks for the read.

Pete

Laurence at 11:59 on 27 March 2010  Report this post
Thanks for your comments Avis - I did check that there were terminations in the 1940's and the reason the sister knew which doesn't appear in the text is that she had found the box previously. I think perhaps I could have made the sister's knowledge a little clearer.

My thanks to those who have commented. Much appreciated.

Laurence



Bunbry at 13:29 on 27 March 2010  Report this post
Another fine bit of story telling Laurence!

My only suggestion would be to change this
a mixture of rage and sadness

as it is straying into 'tell' territory.

Nick

Laurence at 13:42 on 27 March 2010  Report this post
Thanks Nick, just changed it a little to avoid the 'tell' syndrom.

Laurence

Findy at 03:45 on 28 March 2010  Report this post
A sad tale, to discover a brother and then the news that he died young, nice idea.

Well written, enjoyed the read.

findy

crowspark at 08:28 on 28 March 2010  Report this post
A sad story with believable details. I agree that the ending feels abrupt bearing in mind the complex relationships. Perhaps he would reflect on moments when he had witnessed his mother's unhappiness or his father's resentment?

Just a thought.

Thanks for the read.
Bill

Laurence at 08:53 on 28 March 2010  Report this post
Thanks for the comments Bill. I think I would use your suggestion if the word count had been slightly longer. However if I develop it into a longer piece tere would be a dialogue teasing out how his sister kept it a secret and perhaps the way the parents responded to each other.

Laurence

Prospero at 12:50 on 28 March 2010  Report this post
A lovely, sad little tale, reminiscent of the excellent 'Secrets and Lies'.

Best

John


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