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Haiku

by tusker 

Posted: 02 August 2010
Word Count: 17
Summary: Just thought I'd pop this in


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grey walls

mullion windows conceal

habits.

--------

Webbed feet

patter on

sun warmed

roof

wakens

the day







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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 09:15 on 02 August 2010
Love it! I think I might put conceal alongside windows to give habits more force on the line of its own. This one says a lot! Just as good haiku should.

FelixBenson at 14:36 on 02 August 2010
Oh very good. I like it!

Findy at 15:00 on 02 August 2010
Good one Jennifer



tusker at 15:14 on 02 August 2010
Thanks to you all.

Wrote this in Cornwall where there is a convent tucked away down a lane.

Have done as you suggested, Oonah.

Jennifer

Nella at 15:30 on 02 August 2010
Wonderful, Jennifer!

tusker at 07:10 on 04 August 2010
Thanks Robin,

Jennifer

V`yonne at 20:33 on 14 August 2010
I think you can fit that one into the traditional 3 line form, Jennifer -
Webbed feet patter on

sun warmed roof

wakens the day


Nella at 21:50 on 14 August 2010
I'd like the three line form better, too. Seems to me it should be "waken" and not "wakens" - unless you're using "patter" as a noun. Maybe you are, and I just didn't get it at first.
Lovely image, Jennifer.

Robin

tusker at 16:34 on 15 August 2010
Thanks Robin and Oonah.

Will fiddle with it as suggested.

Jennifer

joanie at 08:11 on 23 August 2010
Great images, Jennifer. I particularly like how the first one can hint at the other meaning of 'habits', which lie concealed behind mullioned windows; it makes the point well as a single word.

I, too, prefer the three-lined haiku, and agree with Robin that 'wakens' can confuse, but I can hear those feet as I read! I know the sound well; a reminder of summer. We should come back and re-read when it's January!

Enjoyable!

joanie

tusker at 14:57 on 23 August 2010
Thanks Joanie for your encouraging words.

Jennifer


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