|
|
 |
I`ve Lost You
Posted: 03 September 2010
Word Count: 238
Summary: Challenge 214 - song challenge
|
Font Size
|
|
Searching has become my way of life. It started on a wet evening in November four years ago. Sally had not returned from school, at first neither my wife nor I were unduly worried. Sally was a typical teenager always apologising when we told her off for not phoning or texting. Perhaps I had been too harsh the previous evening threatening to ground her.
‘Something has happened to her,’ Mary said anxiously.
'Or trying to punish us,' I muttered. ‘I’ll get the car out and drive to town; she may be waiting for the bus.’ I wasn’t sure why I said this but it seemed to calm Mary. I called in at Sally’s best friend, Emily, hoping she was there.
‘Sorry Mr Collins, Sally left school the same time as myself. We chatted at the school gate and she said she was meeting someone in the market square.’
‘Thanks,’ I said and walked back to the car. Who the hell was she meeting? She’s never mentioned boyfriends. I phoned my wife who explained through sobs that there was no sign of Sally.
This could not be happening; you read of other kids going missing but you never imagine yours could be next.
The police gave up the search after two months. All we have are the memories of our dear daughter. It’s her birthday today, if only I could turn back time and tell her I love her.
 Comments by other Members
| |
Posted by :
 Desormais at 06:55 on 04 September 2010
|
That's a sad one Laurence. I expect many a parent has a similar tale to tell. Very engaging, so easy to identify with the mc. The swift change of time-scale at the end was quite dramatic too. Well done
| |
|
Posted by :
tusker at 07:39 on 04 September 2010
|
So sad Laurence.
It flowed with a gradual build up of anxiety turning to fear.
It's told in a matter-of-fact way but that sense of loss and regret still appears so deep.
Jennifer
| |
|
Posted by :
Laurence at 09:55 on 04 September 2010
|
Thanks Sandra and Jennifer for commenting - not sure why I went sad this time round.
Wanted to convey a tragic loss and guilt felt. The usual 'if only ..'
Laurence
| |
|
Posted by :
tusker at 10:37 on 04 September 2010
|
Nothing wrong in being sad, Laurence.
There are many 'if only's' in this life with many situations to pick from.
Once, in a writing class, our tutor gave us a theme for a story, then the following week, asked us to write another on the same theme but to ask ourselves that question 'if only'
So we ended up with 2 stories but completely different. Great exercise.
Jennifer
| |
|
Posted by :
LMJT at 21:35 on 04 September 2010
|
Hi Laurence,
A poignant piece. I liked the way it was written in a confession style and you told a full story in the limited word count.
My only nit is this line:
| ‘Something has happened to her,’ she said anxiously. |
|
We don't know who this 'she' is. The female mentioned in the previous line is Sally herself, so this threw me a little.
But a very well done flash.
Thanks for the read.
Liam
| |
|
Posted by :
Laurence at 23:25 on 04 September 2010
|
Thanks Liam - I was playing around with the word count. I had mentioned Mary ealier in one of the drafts. Just sorted the problem.
Thanks for your comments.
Laurence
| |
|
Posted by :
Prospero at 09:42 on 05 September 2010
|
Well done, Liam. A sad tale but well written.
Best
John
<Added>
Sorry, Laurence. I am away with the fairies this morning.
Best
John
| |
| |
