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Packing

by M. Close 

Posted: 21 September 2010
Word Count: 250
Summary: Week 216 Packing challenge


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All was ready. The list had been checked and double checked. All the gear stowed and secured. All the food and water had been purchased and stowed aboard. All the clothes had been packed aboard and stowed. Fuel for the small diesel motor was topped up and the motor was tested and ready. All the good-byes had been said, hugs given and received all around. It was time to go. Amidst cries of "Be safe!" and "Good luck!" he cast off and slowly made his way out to sea, turning back to wave one last time before rounding the point.

Five days at sea, and he noticed a large amount of water in the bilge. The pump was working all the time, but the water kept getting higher and higher in the boat. It took time, too much precious time to find the cause of the leak, but once he found it, he thought it should be an easy fix. He just had to replace the packing in the seals for the small diesel motor shaft. All the gear was stowed, the list double checked, but packing was not on the list. There was none on the boat.

Soon the water had risen to the point of shorting the batteries and communication was lost.

After a long struggle, he found himself in the arms of a beautiful mermaid drifting through the sea, up towards the light, his boat falling into the depths below him. All because he forgot the packing.






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Comments by other Members



tusker at 16:46 on 21 September 2010  Report this post
I really enoyed this Mike.

The preparation of this solo voyange well described.

Good emphasise on the word 'stowed'. Normally repetition can jar but this lead to the climax.

Not all, the most important, had been stowed.

Jennifer

Desormais at 07:33 on 22 September 2010  Report this post
Good one Mike. I liked the double emphasis, packing the boat, packing the packing. And the repetition worked very well, as Jennifer said.

Sandra

Findy at 13:47 on 22 September 2010  Report this post
Enjoyed this Mike. Liked the short sentences in the first para, and the repetition too.

findy

CharlieMac at 15:39 on 26 September 2010  Report this post
Hi Mike, I must admit I was gearing up for a serious bit of drowning (or some indirect reference to the body only lasting up to 5 days without fresh water or something) so the mermaid kind of lost it for me, I'm afraid. And dare I say it... but I found myself tripping up over the first para rather a lot. The removal of all the 'had beens' (apart from the initial one) may have worked a little better for me, which still would have left in the repetition.

Crikey, what a lecture! Sorry Mike, I did enjoy it, honest!

Eek, no pressure for when I post mine, then...

Charlie McD

jenzarina at 16:21 on 30 September 2010  Report this post
Better than being eaten by a sea monster! Enjoyed


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