Login   Sign Up 


Just Another Day

by dharker 

Posted: 11 March 2011
Word Count: 400

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Chris had tumbled sleepily from his bed and into the bathroom for his early morning wee, shower and shave. Having shaved, he pulled the plug, draped its chain over the tap and padded into the kitchen for a coffee and toast before dressing and leaving his first floor apartment for work.

As he slammed his front door, the plug chain had slipped back into the sink leaving the plug nestled in the plug hole. This wasn’t a problem, until the cold tap washer finally split and started spewing water. The resultant flood eventually burst through the ceiling of the apartment below, extinguishing instantly the flames from the faulty television, whose toxic fumes had started to fill the apartment. The crash as it fell woke elderly Mr. Kempton who was now being told by the fire officer just how lucky he had been not to have been killed by the fumes.

Chris scarcely remembered smiling at the sad looking young lady as he helped her pick up her belongings when she’d bumped into him as he stood at the bus stop.

Sarah’s mind had been miles away when she walked into the poor guy at the bus stop. She’d just found her boyfriend in bed with her best friend Kate. The bitch just laughed at her. Sarah decided she would end it all and had bought paracetomol from three separate shops. Now two of those packs sat in a filthy puddle and she just couldn’t be arsed to retrieve them. And so, instead, she decided to buy some chocolate, a chick flick on DVD and a nice bottle of Chianti Classico.

Chris barely noticed the Big Issue seller when he handed over a fiver and grabbed the magazine to read on the way home.

Kev was an unemployed ex para. Selling The Big Issue at least gave him some income and self-esteem. Some guy had suddenly appeared at his side, smiled, dropped a note into his hand, grabbed a mag and walked off. Feeling peckish Kev decided to go to the supermarket where he met the lovely young lady with the Toblerone, a DVD and a bottle of wine. In a few weeks she would end up asking him to move in. They would go on to marry and have two lovely young daughters.

At work, Chris sat idly wondering if he would ever manage to make his mark on society…

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Cornelia at 12:23 on 11 March 2011  Report this post
Haha! I think your should call this 'Chain Reaction'. It has a nice neighbourhood feel and makes me think it should have a perky little tune, like 'Camberwick Green'.

I thought it was going to be boring. I think you could cut the whole of the first paragraph and add dynamic by starting with something like:

Chris slammed the front door and stepped into the street, unaware that...

Some picky style points:

gave up the ghost
is a cliche that could be replaced

The resultant
appears twice, too close together

selling Big Issue
missing a The?

Loved the effect of the last line. I think it's called bathos.


dharker at 13:13 on 11 March 2011  Report this post
LOL! Thanks Sheila! Suggestions noted and taken on board!
Love the Camberwick Green idea... maybe when I sell the film rights!! ;

I wanted a short first paragraph which was a little boring and routine to explain why Chris sits day dreaming in the office wondering why his life appears to have no meaning. Not sure if this works - anyone else have any thoughts?

Thanks for reading!


V`yonne at 16:58 on 11 March 2011  Report this post
Very sharp That really does say it all in a way. Every day interactions and profound effects that we never know about - I like it.

I remember telling Nathan Rosen when I met him how he'd saved my life and turned it around and of course he had no idea - couldn't have - didn't mean to. Life's like that.

Bunbry at 17:42 on 11 March 2011  Report this post
Top marks for this Dave, story telling at it's very best.


Neezes at 22:46 on 11 March 2011  Report this post
Nice work Dave, I like how you pack so much in.

The names at the start of each para add to the structure IMO, so what about putting the elderly neighbour or fire officer's name at the start of the 2nd? That wold maintain your 'mundane' start (which is good) but also get into the mood of the story a bit quicker.


dharker at 22:56 on 11 March 2011  Report this post
Excellent point Jonathan! Mr. Kempton now has his name in print! It was an inconsistency by omission - so thanks for pointing it out. It makes a better read now!

I'm glad you liked it!


tusker at 07:28 on 12 March 2011  Report this post
A lovely butterfly effect of someone's day, Dave.

Maybe I should get out more on reading this.


Desormais at 11:39 on 13 March 2011  Report this post
Very cleverly woven story of cause and effect, Dave. Enjoyed it.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .