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Man of the Woods

by Gerry 

Posted: 30 April 2011
Word Count: 578
Summary: Based on a Malay legend that says that the orangutan can speak but is careful not to do so in case man gives him a job.


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“No,” said Kevin, hovering by the door, desperate to go back. “He spoke, I tell you. Two real words.”

The Head Keeper sighed, leaned forward at his desk, and clasped his hands under his chin. “A whole sentence, then? Subject and predicate?”

“Not exactly, Brian. But it’s like the old Malay legend is, you know, real... Look, just come and see,” he said. “Please.”

“They can’t speak, Kevin. Their laryngeal pouch -”

“Come and see.”

Brian shook his head, but got up from his seat, and left his office, Kevin leading the way.

Passing the giraffes, Brian said, “You know, if this is one of your stupid pranks –”

“It’s true I tell you,” said Kevin, almost skipping with excitement. “This is massive.”

“And your timekeeping’s not up to much, either, Kevin.” The hippos lolled around in the pool, enjoying the warm day, flicking their ear in the sun.

“I’m working on that,” said Kevin.

“You could do with getting some of your lot fed when you should, too, and cleaned out properly. And I get the feeling that you don’t have the best of relationships with the animals. Do you think they actually like you, Kevin?”

“Brian,” he said. “What does any of that matter now? Just think: The queues. The publicity.”

A couple of camels loped past the Primates’ Pavilion as they went inside.

“Here we are,” said Kevin.

Clyde, with his quizzical old-man’s face, was leaning back, scratching his belly, while the other long, lazy, ginger arm reached for the tiny pile of figs. “Is he getting enough of them?” said Brian, pointing.

“Course he is.” Kevin rapped on the bars. “C’mon, matey.”

Peering at Clyde, Brian said, “What did he say exactly?”

“Well, it sounded like –”

“Sounded like?”

“Closing time.”

“Closing time?”

“Yeah. He looked at me, and said closing time. Clear as you like. Amazing.”

They both leaned forward, staring.

Alone in his cage, Clyde stared back, looking like some old lag on a very long stretch.

“Have you sluiced it down properly at the back?” said Brian.

“Just watch him,” said Kevin. “Look, he’s doing it. That’s exactly the look he had.”

Clyde opened his mouth, gazing at Brian, the lower lip thrust out.

“Listen,” said Kevin. “God. Listen to this...”

And, echoing round the concrete enclosure, Clyde produced a big, long, rich raspberry. A Bronx cheer to beat the band.

“Right,” said Brian, standing up and turning on his heel. “That’ll do. My office. Now, Kevin.”

“Please, Mr Jarvis...” Kevin said, palms pressed together like he was praying.

But Brian was marching away, past the pygmy tarsiers, arms swinging.

Kevin glared at Clyde. “You big, stupid bugger,” he hissed, balling his hands into fists. “What the hell’s wrong with you? Do it. You can. You know you damn well can. Are you trying to ruin me, you evil monkey? I’m losing my job here because of you.” Clyde reached for the last of the figs, and pushed them slowly into his mouth, gazing somnolently through the bars.

Brian, stopping over by the gibbons, shouted, “My office. Now, Kevin.”

Clyde opened his mouth again: just, Kevin thought, just like half an hour ago – come on, you ugly, nasty, stupid animal do it, show him.

Fffllzzzlblblblblppph!

This one was fuller and longer, really long, lingering, and accompanied by a slow shake of Clyde’s lugubrious head, his unblinking eyes fixed on Kevin’s.

While the chimps shrieked and the lemurs howled like ghosts.







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Comments by other Members



Cornelia at 08:38 on 30 April 2011  Report this post
The 'hook' of a (possibly) talking animal kept me reading as Kevin and Brian walked through the zoo I liked the way you established their roles and character through convincing dialogue.

The animal descriptions worked well as a structuring device to punctuate the action , leading up to the final line. I was a bit worried about the hippos enjoying the sun. I thought they liked to bask in watery mud holes with only their nostrils showing.
ears flickering

I think it should be 'ears flicking', or I'd prefer 'flicking their ears'

Ascribing human thought and emotions to animals is in a story meant for adults, which is why I didn't get the ending at first.

past the black-and-white colobuses.
was distracting.

I liked:

looking like an old lag on a very long stretch.




Sheila

Gerry at 08:54 on 30 April 2011  Report this post

Thanks, Sheila. Yes, you're right about the hippos. Of course, they'd prefer the water. It needs a few tweaks.

Thanks again.

Gerry

euclid at 09:31 on 30 April 2011  Report this post
The first "Brian" is "Brain" - a typo

Clyde reached for the last of the figs, pushing them slowly into his mouth, gazing somnolently through the bars


There's something wrong with this sentence. You can't reach for something [while, at the same time] pushing them into your mouth.

Nice one.

JB



Gerry at 09:41 on 30 April 2011  Report this post

Thanks, JB. One of my favourite typos - and one I never spot. Must be the way my brian works. And I take your point about that line, too.

Cheers,


Gerry.

Becca at 11:17 on 01 May 2011  Report this post
A sweet story... I feel though, that it should be longer and have more weight or depth to it, it feels either like the beginning of something or the end of something, or more like a tableau vivant. It's well written and very visual, enjoyable to read!
Becca.

Gerry at 11:47 on 01 May 2011  Report this post

Becca,

I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was originally written as a flash, but I'd got something there already - I feel like a fraudster who's been found out.

What, though, would you say would give it more depth and weight? I feel as though my writing is like a Mr Whippy at the moment - looks quite tasty, stylish even, but closer examination shows it to be mainly froth and air.

Thanks,

Gerry





Becca at 14:02 on 01 May 2011  Report this post
Well, as you know, I feel that your writing wants to be script writing for TV, radio, or stage at the moment. I think you have a powerful feeling for setting and for dialogue. I think the thing that gives writing a lot of its depth is the quality of the story itself. But finding good stories can be like looking for gold. I suspect what I've said is probably not much help to you, but if you can find a story that you personally are moved by, and write it up with the intention of moving the reader as well, then it will begin to have more solidity.
Becca.

Gerry at 14:42 on 01 May 2011  Report this post

What is 'solidity'? Oh, God, I feel like I'm failing completely here. Obviously, my writing doesn't work. I can't write short stories. The ones I've written are no good. Is that what you're saying?

Becca at 15:09 on 01 May 2011  Report this post
No, of course I'm not saying that!! You write very well, and I think you can write shorts, your work so far certainly doesn't seem like parts of a novel, so I'm sure you've got a good eye for the short story and its structures, and what you've put up aren't 'bad' stories at all. Keep going. I'm simply waiting to be 'moved' by your characters and their stories. David Constantine or E. Annie Proulx's stories have the solid quality I'm talking about. Anyway when all is said and done, writing shorts is hard, and that's why we like them, I guess. Let me be encouraging, not off-putting, Gerry.
Becca.

Gerry at 15:58 on 01 May 2011  Report this post

Becca,

Did you really think that this story was 'sweet' and 'enjoyable' to read? I know you said it in an above comment, but did you really? Is it not enough to be able to write something that is enjoyable? Is it that what I write is in your opinion poor, or is it simply not your cup of tea?

I've written two stories today (not downloaded yet) and I quite liked them. Now I want to delete them and go to the pub. I try to tell a lot of the story through dialogue and make it visual - you are telling me that works, which is nice. I have read that this is often a good way to tell stories. Are sort of saying it's bad as well? Why? I can name dozens of authors who do that, authors I like very much. Is it that you just don't like my stories? That's OK, of course. I don't like marzipan. Or are you giving me an 'objectified' opinion about why my stories don't work? (I know they don't work, by the way - I can't sell them or win any prizes.)

Sorry, to bang on about this, but my confidence has just dropped to the floor. I feel awful about myself and what I'm doing. Really awful. Utterly lost.



Becca at 17:20 on 01 May 2011  Report this post
Yes, I did enjoy reading it, and loved the orang-utan. It was he who I thought was sweet. I haven't seen enough of your stories yet to be able to tell you that I like them all. I know I like your style, I think it's very confident writing.

'Are sort of saying it's bad as well? Why?' Do you mean am I saying it's bad as well? If so, no. I'm saying you're very competent with dialogue and that's extremely valuable as dialogue can carry so many different aspects of a story, and not everyone finds dialogue easy.
You've only put up a couple of stories so far, and what I've admired about them is your writing skill rather than the actual content of the stories themselves. But I can't say I don't like your stories, I just didn't particularly connect with the ones I've read so far - as must happen to all of us when critiquing, surely?
When you say you can't sell your stories or win prizes, how long have you been trying to do that? ... But whatever you do answer, I have to say that not winning prizes or being able to sell stories is evidence that your work is no good, it's only evidence of how difficult the whole business is!
Most writers who have shorts published don't get paid for them, they get them published to build up their writing histories. although commercial fiction publishers do pay, and some very well.
Go and have that drink, but don't go in a gloom, or be lost. Be glad you're a good writer, and stick with it. The remarks of just one other writer mustn't make you lose confidence, I'm sure you know that!!
Warmly,
Becca

Becca at 17:26 on 01 May 2011  Report this post
... you were shortlisted in a writing prize a while back, shortlists count you know!!
B

Gerry at 17:57 on 01 May 2011  Report this post

Thanks, Becca.

I find that the slightest slight gets me down these days, but I'll try to be more confident in future. And behave.

I have to say that not winning prizes or being able to sell stories is evidence that your work is no good


- Freudian typo?

When I said 'sell' I meant just getting something published, electronically or otherwise, not getting paid - that's not important at all at the moment, of course. For the sake of my confidence and to buck me up a bit, I need something like that.

I notice that you do a course in writing short stories. Would I get anything out of that or would we just squabble all the time?

Not thirsty now. Had too much last night. The beer here is less than a quid a pint and tastes like the stuff they serve in Asgard.


Gerry.

Becca at 19:11 on 01 May 2011  Report this post
Yes, Freudian typo, I got mixed up with my negatives, ...it is NOT evidence that your writing is no good.
You don't need my writing course, although I'm sure we wouldn't squabble.
So, I want to know ... how long have you been submitting to publishers and have you had anything published yet?

Gerry at 19:24 on 01 May 2011  Report this post

Since last December. And, of course, that's not long. But I have sent stuff to loads of them and not got the nod. It's very frustrating. I'd just like a tiny bit of recognition to help keep me going. Anything would be nice.

jamiem at 00:16 on 02 May 2011  Report this post
You could always try making it into a longer story if you want to. No-one would be hurt in the process. But personally I'm also very content with it as succinct as it is. It is what it is, i.e. very good!

If it's only one publisher in particular you're submitting to, I'd be careful not to draw too many conclusions from the fact they haven't accepted your work. It might be you; but hey, it might be them.

Now, who was it who said that it's far too early to judge the French revolution?

Jamie

Gerry at 05:14 on 02 May 2011  Report this post

Zhou Enlai, wasn't it? Allegedly.

Thanks, Jamie. I just need to be more patient with things.

Becca at 08:45 on 02 May 2011  Report this post
Gerry,
About five months then. It's really very early indeed. One thing you could do, if you are not already, is to make sure you send simultaneous submissions and any publisher who mentions that they don't like that in their guidelines, don't bother with.
Do you know about Duotrope? It's a good place to start with as it gives you hundreds of publishing possibilities, and it's free. Just google it up. Another useful site is Firstwriter - that also has hundreds of magazines but you have to pay a bit of money to them, not much though.
You could see if any publishers are asking for subs for an anthology, and see if your work seems to fit what they are after. Studying the market is the thing, I guess. Get to know where your work fits because when someone writes well like you do, the usual reason for being rejected is because the story didn't fit in with what the publisher had in mind.
Good Luck!
Becca.


Gerry at 09:42 on 02 May 2011  Report this post


Becca,

Thanks for the tip about simultaneous submissions - a massive irritant.

I do know about Duotrope, but I'll have a look at Firstwriter today.

I try to read the mind of these people by looking at their websites, but it's not always easy.

Thanks for the help.


Gerry

Gerry at 16:22 on 02 May 2011  Report this post

Thanks, Michael. Was that the Iain Pattinson who wrote the gags for Humphrey Littleton?

My first experience in getting a short story (or any writing) professionally critiqued was with TLC, where Matthew Branton said it was 'a sure-footed, confident and professionally fluent story of which [I] should feel justifiably proud.'

Maybe I've regressed ...


Gerry.


Becca at 08:51 on 03 May 2011  Report this post
Gerry, maybe this is the point at which you put up a topic for discussion above on the relative merits of good writing and good ideas? It's always a joy when people can write beautifully, but publishers are looking for story ideas as well, ones that maybe they haven't heard before - unique ones. In some cases, publishers will take on badly written material if they think the idea itself is good and they see they can work with it. An example of that is Richard Matheson's 'I am Legend.' It's a cult book now, but the writing in it is plain awful- laughable even in parts. However it made a lot of money for the first publisher. [That is NOT to say I think your Man of the Woods idea is a bad one, but it's a slight one]
Becca

Cornelia at 13:04 on 03 May 2011  Report this post
' If you want to be a writer you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.There's no way round these two things that I'm aware of, no shortcut'

( From Stephen King's On Writing: A Memoir ot the Craft)

Gerry, it may help you to feel better about your progress if you read a few books by and about writing authors like Stephen King, who spent years learning the craft and struggled to become published but got there in the end. I think he's up there with JK Rowling as most-read author.

I agree with Becca about the happy coincidence of a public appetite for apocalyptic zombie stories and the submission of 'I am Legend'.

Recently I attended a meeting where an author said she'd submitted 90 short stories before her first acceptance and now she has two published novels. Another author, who'd never written before got an idea when walking through a local park, wrote a murder mystery in six weeks and sold to an agent soon after. It's inspiring to hear of such persistence.

Publication does seem to be a bit of a lottery, but I'm in for the long haul and I believe it's best to think that way. As Shakespeare said , just screw your courage to the sticking post and you'll not fail!

Sheila





Gerry at 14:06 on 03 May 2011  Report this post

I've read 'I am Legend' and agree that it's terrible. It wasn't entirely original either as Mary Shelley had written 'The Last Man' a hundred-and-fifty years or so before - a similar concept, which was panned by the critics at the time but received revived attention in the 1960s. Matheson was lucky with it and has made a mint from its various adaptations and spin-offs, as we all know.

I'm a bit on the fence about Stephen King - I like him very much as a person and what he has to say about writing, but I haven't really enjoyed any of his books overmuch. But there's no doubt he has a lot to teach anyone about the game.

And, of course, it's Lady Macbeth who says that to her sweet husband - and look how they ended up, 'the dead butcher and his fiend-like queen.'



Cornelia at 14:44 on 03 May 2011  Report this post
Gerry, the quote just happened to be by Stephen King, but all writers on writing I've read would would say the same thing .

Your feelings about your writing shouldn't depend on acceptance or rejection by a third party. How many publishers turned down Harry Potter? What a shame if JK Rowling had thought, 'Oh, it means I'm no good.'

In this respect men are more vulnerable than women, I think, as they seem to need more approval.

Interesting about Mary Shelley. I wasn't going to say a lot of writers become famous only posthumously, in case you thought that too depressing, but fashion is important, and as you brought it up, it's true. Conversely, ots of writers were best-sellers in their day but are hardly ever read now. I'm thinking Carlyle and Dr Johnson - both have houses open to the public in London and were leading literary figures of their day.

Playwriting is good for instant foodback, of course - you have to please your audience at the time. Also you can improve the script in rehearsal. The Lady Macbeth speech wasn't about whether the deeds were good or bad, but just about getting things done, and having to have the guts to carry it through regardless. Not that writing involves killing your king. I suppose the outcome better suits the old saying about being careful what you wish for.

I've seen Macbeth twice for review purposes in the past few weeks, so that's why it was on my mind, but it raised another writing-related issue. If you've been promised (even by yourself) a great reward (publication), how far do you wait for it to happen, and how far do you give fate a helping hand?

The other thing I meant to say was that the more you write and submit the thicker skinned you become. Or maybe it comes with age.

Sheila




Cornelia at 15:06 on 03 May 2011  Report this post
Michael, I agree that Sol Stein's book is another knock-out read. As for Stephen King, he came in handy a couple of weeks back when I was to go into hospital on a Monday for 'tests' involving an anaesthetic, and I wanted something to read to take my mind of it. I've forgotten the title of page-turner I read in two days and I've sent it off to my sister,but maybe you'd remember. It's about a woman tied to a bed in a wooland cabin five miles from anywhere else. There was a slack part towards the end but it had done the trick by then. I had a re-read of J D Salinger's Catcher in the Rye - as riveting as I remember - and took Alan Bennett's 'Talking Heads' on audiotapes in with me. Now he's the writer I most admire - him and Victoria Wood. Not forgetting Woody Allen.

Sheila

Gerry at 15:12 on 03 May 2011  Report this post

Hello Mike.

I thinks there's an Iain Pattinson who writes radio scripts and an Iain Pattison who writes short stories and teaches creative writing etc. (or maybe it's the other way round). I don't know Sol Stein's book - I'll have a look out for that. I've not enjoyed King's big novels but, like yourself, I reckon his shorter stuff does the business.

Cheers.

Gerry at 15:25 on 03 May 2011  Report this post


Sorry, Sheila, I was being silly.

But Mary Shelley is interesting. Perhaps people might find her unreadable now, but Frankenstein has to be one of the most influential books of all time in terms of concept. The creator being overwhelmed by the created - Terminator, The Matrix, to name but a couple.

Gerry

Cornelia at 18:44 on 04 May 2011  Report this post
Yes, that was the one - Gerald's Game. My favourite is The Shining, then Misery, both about writers.

Thanks, I'm on the mend, no thanks to 'Mr Slippy-Knife' as my sister called the surgeon.

Gerry, I taught 'Frankenstein' when it was an A Level set text. The students found it really difficult, partly because of the way the story was structured and partly the language. I liked film with Robert de Niro as the monster, but the early one with Boris Karloff was better, bringing out the monster's loneliness and response to beauty.

Sheila



Gerry at 13:30 on 05 May 2011  Report this post

Sheila,

Yes, students find the book hard. But the ideas in it are pretty compelling - a study in hubris and responsibility.

For me, Boris Karloff could do no wrong. And I reckon that possibly my favourite moment in cinema history is Colin Clive shrieking 'It's alive!' over and over again. The 'it', I suppose, saying it all - his attitude towards the poor thing he's made.

Gerry

bjlangley at 16:27 on 07 May 2011  Report this post
Hi Gerry, to return to your story - and I think the length probably makes it flash fiction, but I'm certainly not adverse to that, I thought it was good fun.

The dialogue is tight and effective and you use it well to give the two men some character. While the descriptive writing is sparse, the glimpses of the zoo you give us are effective at really setting the scene.

All the best,

Ben

Gerry at 16:35 on 07 May 2011  Report this post


Thanks, Ben. Yes, we did get a bit sidetracked ...

It is really flash fiction, I suppose, but I'm glad you think it worked.

Cheers,


Gerry.


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