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Happy Bottom

by Joella 

Posted: 27 July 2011
Word Count: 156
Summary: This is the prelude to the Happy Bottom sagas. It tells how Major Payne inherited Happy Bottom from his Uncle Derry Ayres. Age group - 7 -8 ? Think Happy Bottom will be suitable for fluent readers, good for practising reading aloud and also fun bedtime stories. If anyone has children of this age, would appreciate your views. Generally, all comments very welcome, of course.


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HAPPY BOTTOM

With curtains drawn, the light was dim
and Major Payne was sleeping in
But dreams turned nightmare, in his head
When something jumped upon the bed.

Struggling, in a lot of bother
fending off disgusting slobber
slid off the bed, then clumsy clot
put one foot in the chamber pot.

A yucky sock, just wasn’t on
but once the soggy thing was gone
grabbing spectacles from their case
he tried to see the creature’s face.

Peering through glasses in the gloom
he could now see around the room
The beast was hairy, as are most
but few come with the morning post.

Woofbot frowned, not at all impressed
when Major Payne, now getting dressed
thanking him kindly for his post
said what he’d like was tea and toast.

In the mail there was a letter
and its news could not be better:
Derry Ayres, who’d died in Tottom
left Major Payne his Happy Bottom.













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Comments by other Members



cacooper at 10:28 on 28 July 2011  Report this post
Love it! Just one thing

Woofbot frowned, not at all impressed

would scan better as

Woofbot frowned, not impressed.

Similarly

He could see around the room I think would work better in the previous paragraph

Joella at 10:43 on 28 July 2011  Report this post
Thank you, cacooper, for commenting on this poem.

I take your point, it's just that I've been experimenting with rhyming patterns to a set number of syllables. However it doesn't have to be rigid and I could make some amendments. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. Will give your suggestion some thought. Thanks, Joella.

Freebird at 10:47 on 28 July 2011  Report this post
Derry Ayres - LOL

I presume this would be highly illustrated so that we can see Woofbot? Is he a dog robot or something?
Lots of visual comedy, with the foot in the chamber pot etc, and lots to laugh about. I agree with Catherine's comments on those two line, but this one's a classic:

"The beast was hairy, as are most
but few come with the morning post."

Hugely entertaining.

Joella at 09:06 on 29 July 2011  Report this post
Hi Freebird

thanks for the comments. I'm glad you like it.

'Woofbot frowned was not impressed' - will be the amendment.

Character - Woofbot, is a dog found by Major Payne after he'd been run over and left for dead. He's called Woofbot because he has bionic leg or legs? Yet to be decided.

Thanks again,

Joella


LorraineC at 10:47 on 29 July 2011  Report this post
Joella, my seven year daughter loved it. She said she particularly liked the Yukky sock verse. I also thought the whole thing was highly engaging. What a great prelude! Lorraine

Joella at 11:07 on 29 July 2011  Report this post
Thank you, Lorraine, it's good to know your daughter liked it. I'll be interested to know if she likes the other ones. I'd be grateful if you could give me feedback on the readability of the poems for someone of your daughter's age. I'm going to have to do some research, of course, but I'd value the opinions of you both. I have a domain name - happybottom.co.uk, but there's no website at present.

I'll post Rooster's Folly, next week.

Kind regards and a big thank you to your daughter.

CatherineZ at 23:39 on 29 July 2011  Report this post
I like it but do you think you could add more to the creature- describe it more so we can see it.
I read it to my daughter and after explaining what a chamber pot was she went -yyuuukkkk! but read on!

I think it's great fun.

LorraineC at 09:36 on 30 July 2011  Report this post
Hi Joella, Are there any poems in particular you want a view on? Happy to use Becca as a guinea pig, as is she. Lorraine.

Account Closed at 14:49 on 30 July 2011  Report this post
I loved this! I think your rhymes are so clever - I agree the "few come with the morning post" line was a corker!

There was just one verse which didn't quite work for me:

Struggling, in a lot of bother
fending off disgusting slobber
slid off the bed, then clumsy clot
put one foot in the chamber pot.


As it stands it doesn't have a subject for the "struggling/fending/slid off the bed" bits. I can see it's Major Payne who's struggling, is it him who slides off the bed or Woofbot? I think it needs rephrasing to be grammatically right and easier to read.

Derry Ayres is very snort-worthy! And glad to see the return of Happy Bottom!

Joella at 15:07 on 30 July 2011  Report this post
Hi Catherine,

thanks for the comments. Many thanks to your daughter, too. She's given me an idea for an amendment:


slid off the bed, then clumsy clot
put one foot in the chamber pot.

YUCK!

A soggy sock, just wasn’t on
but once the smelly thing was gone

Your daughter's reaction, seems to suggest the need for a expression here. What does she think?

Really appreciate the help. Thanks!

Regards, Joella.





Joella at 15:18 on 30 July 2011  Report this post
Hi Florapost,

I struggled with that verse, too. You're right though, it needs a subject. How about:

The Major in a lot of bother
fending off disgusting slobber
slid off the bed, then clumsy clot
put one foot in the chamber pot.

I think this is better. Many thanks for the comment. As you can see, it has helped a lot!

Regards, Joella

Account Closed at 21:04 on 30 July 2011  Report this post
much better!

CatherineZ at 22:00 on 30 July 2011  Report this post
Much better - love it and this time it makes me and daughter really laugh and go Errrrr, YYYUUUKKKK!!



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