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The Lebensborn Legacy

by YeOldeMariner 

Posted: 14 July 2012
Word Count: 693
Summary: This is the synopsis of a fil m script

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The Lebensborn Legacy is a crime drama about a crooked cop who, on the hunt for a serial killer finds himself caught up in a modern day resurgence of Hitler’s plan to create a master race with an unlikely source.
Harry plants evidence to secure collars. He has a regular source, a middle aged woman Anna. Officially, he works with a partner, George who wants an easy life, but is constantly competing with another cop ‘by the book’ Bob. Whilst planting evidence he inadvertently leaves his Swiss army knife. The venue becomes a murder scene of a serial killer, the murders are always blonde blued eyed men and the method is a cut throat. When he gets to the scene, his knife is missing.
Harry’s chief informant gives him a lead on the killings; Anna. Harry thinks he is being set up. They are distracted by an attempted rape of a girl, Grace, who is a member of Anna’s refuge. It is to help descendants of the Lebensborn (women who were impregnated by Nazi officers to create a master race) who have been castigated from society. Anna knew the serial killer’s victims, they were such descendants. Anna is convinced that the MoD knew of Lebensborn plan in England during the war.
The informant is found dead, throat cut, a Swiss army knife left nearby. Harry trashes the scene raising Bob’s suspicions. Harry’s wife, Jeanie, produces a Swiss army knife at home; messing with his head.
Harry breaks into the MoD; risks his job to find documents. He succeeds in finding a list of WWII Lebensborn women and offspring. His triumph is spoilt as his wife has got Bob round to check up on him. Pissed off, he goes to the refuge. Grace has bonded with Harry, tempts him to the bedroom. Anna eyes up the documents left behind in his jacket.
Harry and George get to the house of the last Lebensborn descendent and find him already dead. Harry realises that the only person who could have seen the list was at the refuge. The police arrest Anna. Under interrogation she gives Harry as an alibi. Bob insists that Harry is suspended.
Harry seeks revenge against Anna. Finds a nationalistic contact, but the revenge goes too far. The refuge is burnt through. Harry has to make amends. He sweeps up debris and helps fix windows and walls. He gets to know the women and kids at the refuge. Harry notices that the kids are regularly weighed and measured. The children themselves ridicule an undersized little girl.
On another maintenance visit Harry sees Anna taking out a child’s body from the refuge; the one that didn’t fit in. Anna catches him calling George. She wants him to join them. He escapes.
George is murdered. Harry is Bob’s prime suspect but gives him a chance to prove otherwise. Harry stages a fake escape at the funeral. He finds sanctuary at the refuge. There Anna begs him to be the leader of the group. His wife Jeanie urges him too. She herself is a Lebensborn descendent as is therefore Harry’s daughter; Jeanie is Anna’s daughter. Grace, already with a son, is pregnant with Harry’s child. Anna confesses to the murders and Harry’s effective complicity. Harry is trapped into furthering the Lebensborn cause.
Anna has a plan to get publicity and money for their Lebensborn group; they would stage a fake terrorist-like attack with Grace’s son being a mascot at a high profile football match. Harry is to seemingly rescue him at the last moment, the implication being to the public that extremists groups are trying to target the much victimised Lebensborn.
Harry agrees but, once free of Anna, at the stadium he uses reporters to contact Bob at CID. He needs to chase after Grace’s son to convince Anna that he is following the plan as match is being televised. But he is the one who is being manipulated. He is the one who is carrying a bomb. It explodes.
In the aftermath Harry is the one cast as the extremist. The Lebensborn get the sympathy and support that Anna had planned. The legacy goes on.

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Comments by other Members

Manusha at 21:49 on 14 July 2012  Report this post
Hey, you old seafarer, you! Great to see you back!

Catkin at 16:49 on 15 July 2012  Report this post
Hello, Old Mariner.

What sort of critiques would you like? A line-by-line because you are going to send this somewhere ... or opinions about whether this would make a great film ... or what?

It sounds very exciting!

YeOldeMariner at 18:57 on 15 July 2012  Report this post
Hi Good to be back Manusha. Catkin I like an opinion on whether it works as a film idea.A script has already been written


GaiusCoffey at 00:27 on 19 August 2012  Report this post
Hi yeoldemariner,
Stumbled across this while browsing the archive of uncommented work (you have it uploaded twice, for some reason).
Needless to say, this is just my opinion - ignore anything that doesn't make sense etc. I'll also prewarn you that my opinion is a strong one.

I'll cut to the chase: who is this written for?

If it is for you as a story plan, then it's clearly an active story with a lot happening. There are all the ingredients of a thriller and an intriguing underpinning of selected historical fact.


If it is to sell your story, or to communicate it to others, then I think you need to do a bit more work.

There were too many characters mentioned too briefly for me to get the thread and the way it is written is often ambiguous. For example:
finds himself caught up in a modern day resurgence of Hitler’s plan to create a master race with an unlikely source.

This reads as if Hitler's plan was not only to create a master race, but one that owns an unlikely source.
Harry plants evidence to secure collars.

In the abstract, this sounds like he is fixing collars (of shirts?) to something. I think you mean collars as in arrests, but then there is an ambiguity about this as a one-off (present tense: he plants evidence then goes to the pub) or (I think) your intended meaning that he does this repeatedly (present continuous tense, if there is such a thing) and the further ambiguity as to why and what we should think of him for this (certainly a risky strategy to make your MC so corrupt and unlikeable). The paragraphs and sentences felt choppy and disjointed with a spattering of unrelated facts ranging from key plot points to unimportant trivia.

Therefore, when I got to the end, I'm afraid I was confused and picked up neither a clear understanding of plot nor any sense of any of the characters.

Which brings me back to my opening: who are you writing it for?

If it is just for you, run with it. I am sure that all the holes are filled in your own understanding of the story so this will serve as an effective aide memoire.

If it is intended for anybody else then, in your shoes, I would strongly consider reworking it. I would assume a point of view - your main character - and focus on his motivation. Try to limit the smaller detail in favour of communicating plot points.

But as I say, this is just an opinion and it sounds like there is a lot behind it to make a good thriller... you just haven't communicated it to me here.

Thanks for the read,

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