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They`re All Talking About Jim

by BryanW 

Posted: 15 November 2013
Word Count: 500
Summary: NOT for entry in the competition - obviously - I'm judging this week's. But I thought I'd have a go at writing something anyway.


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‘I’m rather worried about Jim, Mr and Mrs Higgins.’ The head looked up over his glasses.

‘Oh,’ said Mr. Higgins, ‘Really? We’ve never ‘ad no …’

‘… 'E's never a problem at 'ome,’ interrupted Mrs. Higgins.

‘Tidies his room …’

‘… wivout asking …’

‘Goes to bed at the right time …

‘… no arguments.’

‘ ‘elps with the washing up, too.”

*****

Outside, below the head’s office, a playground full of pupils were playing.

Next to the bins, at the far end, a small boy stood apart, looking up towards the head teacher's window. His nostrils flared slightly, as if catching a scent. A smile slipped across his lips.

*****

“So, what’s the problem?”

“Ah. Yes. It’s just … I’ve received comments from his teachers …’

‘Comments?’

‘Well ... observations.’

******

In the playground some children were talking.

‘Teacher’s bleedin’ pet, that lad.’

‘Yea. Doesn’t say nuffink to us. Just smiles and puts up ’is ‘and.’

‘Always gives the right answer.’

“Smarmy git.”

“ ‘bout time we taught him a proper lesson.’

*****
The boy by the bins caste his gaze towards the group that was talking. His nose twitched and the same slight smile came and went.

*****

“I gather Jim’s an adopted child, Mr and Mrs Higgins.”

“Yes, headmaster. We were ..."

"... very lucky," continued Mrs Higgins.

"The adoption people was wonderful.”

“Did all the sorting out and form-filling, even gave us the money to look after him proper, like."

"Aye. Told us to make sure Jim fitted in, until he was old enough."

"Old enough to do what?" asked the headmaster.

" S'pose they just meant ..."

"... be a good citizen."

*****

The group in the playground were walking towards the small boy standing by the bins.

"Let's gerr'im!"

*****

"So what is it, Headmaster? What are these erm … observations from your teachers?"

"Well, Mr. And Mrs Higgins. In all the years I've taught, I've never known anything like it. It's just that he gets nothing wrong. In fact, his teachers feel he already knows more than they do. They came to me yesterday to ask if I would have him removed from the school.

*****

The small boy, standing by the bins, watched as the group from the other side of the playground were running towards him. He opening a bin, took something out and pointed it towards his would-be assailants.

There was a faint hiss. The charging children disappeared. A slimy black pool appeared where they had been.

*****

"Yes. They feel a little unsettled by him, undermined. Just a second. Did you hear the bell go?"

"No."

"It's still break time and I don't hear any noise from outside."

The headmaster went to the window. The playground below was empty - empty except for a large, glistening black pool and a small boy standing by the bins. “It’s Jim. And what's that in his hand?"

*****

On the other side of the playground, Jim, the extra-terrestrial, raised his weapon ...













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Comments by other Members



Desormais at 11:23 on 15 November 2013  Report this post
Oh that was an enjoyable read! Jim certainly sounds like someone/thing we should be worried about. I liked the flicking backwards and forward between two scenes and thought that worked very well indeed. It was almost like a film/television script, you could see it unfolding in your imagination.

I'm less convinced about accented dialogue - maybe it's just me but it never sounds completely right and gets in the way of the flow of the story.

Well done Bryan.

Sandra

BryanW at 15:17 on 15 November 2013  Report this post
Fanks, Sandra - but dat's how Oi speak. Ya know, normal, like.
But actually, thank you for the comment.
As for 500 words - if I ever am in the unlikely position set a task again, I don't think I'll go for 500 words. Far too short for verbose me. Not just that, but my computer at home counted differently from the one at Writewords which caused a bit of on-site cutting.

Desormais at 11:40 on 16 November 2013  Report this post
Yes, as Nick pointed out to me, the asterisks count as words. And I agree, it's quite hard to do a story in 500, I can just about do it in 600 with some effort, but getting it down to 500 does seem to take something away from the story. Still, all good practice...

Sandra


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