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Implacable Day

by BaMc 

Posted: 28 June 2014
Word Count: 40
Summary: For week 255 Another rush job! It's ok - it's flash poetry!
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Flat expanse of bland sky
dulls the day; puts a stop
to any possibility; levels
expectation; stifles.
Crows clat across concrete,
screeching.  Trees bear
witness, passive and still.
No depth. No contrast
Indeterminate hour.
Pale frank day.
Indifferent pall.
 






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 20:08 on 28 June 2014  Report this post
Grey. But not silver grey. Gunpowder grey. Battleship grey. I love the way you interupt the lines up to

stifles hope.

maybe you don't even need the word 'hope' there. Just 'stifles' like rifles and that gunpowder effect?

Crows flit across concrete,

flit seems a very light word. How about 'clat'? I am not sure it's a real word in standard Eng. but it is a real word where I come from. To clat = hit glancingly (implies claws) so
Crows clat at concrete,

I like the implicit winter of

Trees bear

as if it's bare.
and I like the assonance pf pall with still and the reflected meaning there too of death.

It's flash but really good flash!
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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BaMc at 21:46 on 28 June 2014  Report this post
Thanks, Oonah amended and think it works better! 
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FelixBenson at 12:58 on 29 June 2014  Report this post
Crows clat and trees bear witness...wonderful lines. Well captured - that stillness which suggests a grey sunday to me!
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tusker at 09:14 on 01 July 2014  Report this post
Oh, I like this though not the day. It decribes for me grey moods to match a grey aspect.

Jennifer
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