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Family day

by Jojovits1 

Posted: 29 August 2015
Word Count: 81
Summary: Continuing on from Daddy's girl
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On the ferry
from the postcard
We held hands
as I stood
against the rails;
towards Brodick
and our family day.
 
My brother, older
and more content with
motor bikes than castles,
declined.
 
I can’t remember
what we did.
I recall the gift shop;
they walked ahead in the
darkening afternoon.
Not touching;
a whimsical connection.
 
On the ferry
from the postcard
I held their hands
as I stood
against the rails;
towards home
and his suitcase in the hall.
 






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Comments by other Members



Bazz at 12:31 on 30 August 2015  Report this post
Hi Jo, this works perfectly with your last poem, they really compliment each other. This is a quiet reflective piece, and it all comes together at the last line, which gives the title a bittersweet jolt, and is very affecting...
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hmcwilliams1 at 18:12 on 30 August 2015  Report this post
Oh I like this, it reminds me of family holidays gone by and I love the contrasts you've used to create the atmosphere. I like the implication of other characters, too and see a family tree starting to build in my mind's eye.
The way you've set out the stanzas lends itself to the piece and gives the right pace, it feels like a piece of work you could pair with another poem - and there could be more in the series alongside these two.
I particularly like the line 'whimsical connection' as it's non-commital, and the suitcase in the hall feels very final which is a good choice of ending.
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Jojovits1 at 18:57 on 30 August 2015  Report this post
Thanks Barry and Helen smiley
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