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Sea of souls

by roovacrag 

Posted: 02 February 2004
Word Count: 85
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Travel across the land of calm
through the sea of souls
a mist of feeling fills me
as i linger at the stones.

Stand and wait, body unclothed
waiting for hand upon breast
to steal my heart once again
not a word is said.

I drift along for days it seems
turbulence appears
no more of my land of calm
that was just a dream.

My sea of souls
searches on and on
eyeless face can't stare at me
my soul a sea of dreams.






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poemsgalore at 18:35 on 02 February 2004  Report this post
Alice, what a lovely thoughtful and dreamy poem. Is the word 'so' needed at the end of the thid line in the first verse? Another line which I thought had a couple of words too many was "Waiting for the hand upon my breast" Could it perhaps just be "Waiting for hand upon breast"? These are just my thoughts, but it's a really wonderful poem.
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roovacrag at 18:45 on 02 February 2004  Report this post
Thank you Kathleen.It was better so changed it.It's always better when someone else reads it and see it better for change. xx Alice
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olebut at 19:10 on 02 February 2004  Report this post
Alice

I agree what a beautiful poem one minor suggestion how about a comma after wait in the first line of the second verse. and the word to in front of steal in line 3 of the same verse, also perhaps remove the capital letters at the beginning of each line excpet for the first word of each verse.

take care

david x
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roovacrag at 19:47 on 02 February 2004  Report this post
Thank you David,respect all remarks given. xx Alice
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Bobo at 22:34 on 02 February 2004  Report this post
Alice - this is such a lovely piece - it as a certain harmonious lilt that I can almost hear set to folk music. Really nice writing.

BoBo x
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Fearless at 16:50 on 03 February 2004  Report this post
Al - a fine folk dream; fearless.
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miffle at 21:50 on 03 February 2004  Report this post
Mystical feel - loved the closing line...nikki ;-)
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