Login   Sign Up 


Battling Cobwebs

by poemsgalore 

Posted: 12 June 2018
Word Count: 140
Summary: A perennial problem

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Battling Cobwebs

Each morning while out in my garden,
the cobwebs are draped all around.
They stretch across fences and bushes,
all the way down to the ground.

Their invisible threads so annoy me,
as they brush up against my face!
I end up covered all over my head
and they cling to me like lace.

It really is quite a battle,
avoiding those traps spiders lay,
I won't be one of their victims.
So I have to plan every day.

(Alternative verse suggested by Joanie)
With my broom aloft every morning,
I sweep all the webs right and left.
The spiders fly off and scurry around,
looking quite cross and bereft.

But as I look out of my window
I know they'll be back again,
And all I can do until morning,
Is hope that we have heavy rain!!

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

joanie at 17:48 on 12 June 2018  Report this post
Hi Kathleen.  I know!  It's a nightmare, isn't it?  ...... and then you feel so guilty because the spiders deserve to be there. 

I do like your rhymes and the easy way it flows, but I think the fourth verse doesn't quite have the same rhythm, and it sounds like it's the spiders who are holding the broom aloft and sweeping right and left.  Can I suggest, perhaps.......

With my broom aloft every morning,
I sweep all the webs right and left.
The spiders fly off and scurry around,
looking quite cross and bereft.

Just an idea!

I enjoyed the read!



James Graham at 21:36 on 12 June 2018  Report this post
Hi Kathleen - Glad you posted another poem while you give 'Mrs Dalloway' time to mature! We must revisit Mrs D in due course. I will comment on this one soon.


poemsgalore at 13:07 on 13 June 2018  Report this post
Joanie, many thanks for your brilliant suggestion. As you can see I have added it as an alternative verse giving the credit (quite rightly) to you. smiley heart

joanie at 15:41 on 13 June 2018  Report this post
Thanks, Kathleen!!  See what anybody thinks.......... 

poemsgalore at 16:18 on 13 June 2018  Report this post
James, I've added another verse to Mrs Dalloway. It extends the theme about Septimus. I've also left the (altered) verse in too. 

James Graham at 19:56 on 13 June 2018  Report this post
Hi Kathleen – Joan’s suggestion is spot-on, and your new stanza is just right. This is a most enjoyable piece of light verse; like many others in the genre it’s about a source of annoyance which it makes light of in an elegant way. Your rhyming stanzas run smoothly, with not hint of a forced rhyme anywhere. As you probably know, when you work with rhyme it’s easy to find yourself in a fix, needing a rhyme for a certain word but finding that no word that rhymes with it really fits what you want to say. But your rhymes do fit and are effective. The rhythm is smooth too.
I’ve two more suggestions to add to Joan’s. Nothing very serious, but they could just polish off the poem nicely. They’re both in the second stanza.
Their invisible threads do annoy me
The use of ‘do’ before a verb can seem old fashioned in modern verse, harking back to Shakespeare for example:
In springtime, the only pretty ring time,
When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding;
Sweet lovers love the spring.
I know ‘do’ can also be emphatic – they really do annoy me – but the archaic thing is still there. Maybe fill out the line with a longer word:
Their invisible threads aggravate me
For me that’s a better line anyway as ‘aggravate’ is a bit stronger than ‘annoy’.
The other not-too-serious imperfection is in
and they cling to me just like lace
That ‘just’ is a redundant word. The line simply says ‘and they cling to me like lace’, which is OK – it has three stresses like most other lines in the poem. You may prefer this though:
and they decorate me like lace
‘Decorate’ is ironic, of course – real lace is decorative but cobwebs are not. The word may add a little extra touch of humour.
I’ve enjoyed this poem. I must say the phenomenon of garden cobwebs is new to me – my garden shed is full of them, but not the garden! They must be truly aggravating.

poemsgalore at 12:57 on 14 June 2018  Report this post
Thank you James. I've made changes to the suggested lines - not necessarily the ones you made, but your suggestions got my mind working. Thanks again.

James Graham at 20:09 on 15 June 2018  Report this post
Your second stanza works well now, just as smooth as the others. It's a very well constructed piece of light verse - it must be satisfying to have turned out something so nicely crafted.


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .