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by Beanie Baby 

Posted: 26 February 2004
Word Count: 42
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Silver mist,
floating over water.
A fanfair of jewels
paint the sky
a pallet of colour.
Mountains march
in silent stillness,
preening themselves,
reflections hidden.
A single bird calls
rapturously as
the silver mist,
lifts and drifts.
She is a
lost spirit.






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roovacrag at 09:15 on 26 February 2004  Report this post
You described this perfectly.Pallet of colour is what you see on the reflection over the water.
It is like a lost spirit forever searching. Well done.
xxAlice
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miffle at 20:29 on 26 February 2004  Report this post
Enjoyed this very much Jillian especially the flow and sense of stillness. Reminded me of watching the mist rise over Lake Atitlan in Guatemala...

Loved the idea of the mountains 'preening' themselves - this linked up with the idea of 'fanfare' for me i.e the sense of occasion in the air (did you mean 'fanfare' ? or 'funfair'? OR were you coining a word there !?) Mountains 'preening' themselves for who i wondered? the mist? I imagined the mountains to be suitors for the silver mist...(maybe that's a bit stereotypical in terms of masculine and feminine associations!?)

Line 4 'a palette of colour' - IF it were my poem I would consider taking this out as the former lines create this visual for me (?)- this line dilute the image for me.

Similarly, I would experiment too with the last 6 lines. I would maybe lift out 'single' as 'bird' implies this. And, I would ponder over lifting out 'she is a' because the idea of the last line being ambiguous appeals to me. i.e. in taking this out the 'lost spirit' or 'spirit lost' could be the 'bird' OR 'the silver mist'...I like that idea very much...

A bird calls
rapturously
as the silver mist
lifts and drifts -
a spirit lost

I like ending in 'lost' because 'lost' well it could be infinite...I hope you don't mind my experimentation here!? Your poem inspired me (!) and I do have a leaning towards economic verse...Write on, miffle ;-)




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Lawrenco at 22:47 on 17 March 2004  Report this post
A beautiful lyrical poem.The way you link the call of the bird with the silver mist and I like " She is a lost spirit ."
Because of all the positiveness of the rest of the poem gives this last statement so much hope sliced a naw dawn -age. Really enjoyed it .I don`t know if thats your thoughts ;but it certainly has a natural reflectivness about it.Well done.
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