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by LiverbirdLou 

Posted: 27 February 2004
Word Count: 625
Summary: This is just the first page of a novel I am writing. It is still in the early stages and I'm still not sure about it so any comments would be appreciated. The basic idea is about two people who meet online and fall in love but not before they suffer lots of bad times. This is a true story.

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Laura started tapping the keys, not really knowing what to say. This whole thing was new to her and she felt slightly lost in the wonderful world of cyber space. Either way it had to be better than the life she was living. Engaged to a man she didn’t love, well Mark gave her everything she wanted but his job wasn’t a 9-5 routine, what life was it for her, but that wasn’t all. She never loved Mark and only agreed to marry him because at the time it seemed a good idea. You see, the man of her dreams, Craig, had deserted her, and Mark was used on the rebound. It was not something Laura felt proud of but she needed to feel loved and wanted. So what if she didn’t love Mark, maybe that love would come in time and they would be happy together forever, but Laura was still hoping and wishing for that day to come.

So here she was typing away to some guy she had just met 5 minutes previous. She didn’t even know his name only his screen name which was PigInTheCity. Quite daft she thought, but it was a name she was drawn to. She had only been in the chat room dedicated to Chat Addicts for two minutes when a private message popped up onto the computer screen. Laura, unsure on how to use the damn thing clicked the accept button and began to chat.

‘Hi,’ she waited for a response

‘Hi, I’m Greg from London; I am 20 I own a Jaguar and a helicopter would u like to ride in my chopper?’

Laura lent back in her leather recliner, ‘So not true,’ she typed into the computer. ‘Everyone knows you have to be 25 to own a Jag!’

‘Ah yes, but it got your attention.’

Laura couldn’t help but smile. ‘What’s with your name, quite unusual isn’t it?’

‘You like? I collect pigs…not real ones though, just ones of the stuffed kind.”

Laura laughed, ‘You are a strange person, you do know that?’

‘Well if you get to know me you will know I’m even more insane than you think, sorry I have to go now. Dinner break is over.’

And with that PigInTheCity disappeared from the computer screen, leaving Laura stirring into cyber space with nobody to talk to. Although Greg seemed a little strange he certainly made her laugh, she made a note of his screen name and placed him in her buddy list. She then sent him an email.

Subj: Laterz
From: LauraOnLine
To: PigInTheCity

I didn’t get a chance to speak to you as you logged off so quickly. I will be online later at around 7pm. I am single, 19 from Liverpool England. I enjoy football writing, and I guess using the internet although I am very new to it. For a living I am a florist, I live with my mum and dad; I am also an only child. Let me know a little about you too.


Hope to chat to you soon


Ok, so Laura told a little lie, she wasn’t single but she sure felt like it. Guilt swept over her, but only for a passing moment. Where was Mark now? Probably in the pub with his friends, Laura knew he worked hard as a supermarket manager but she just wished that they could spend more time together, maybe then she would grow to love him.

After much hesitation Laura clicked the send button, and then turned off the computer. She walked down stairs and was greeted by Penny her Welsh Highland Terrier. She lent down to make a fuss of her, but she was startled by the ringing of the telephone

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Comments by other Members

Account Closed at 22:00 on 27 February 2004  Report this post
Hello LBL,

I enjoyed the internet bullshit banter - you can be anyone you like idea - can get you into a lot of trouble! Is anything that Laura writes about herself true? I would imagine she's older than 19 for example.

I found the first paragraph too dense - too much information about Laura before we really get to know her.

You might want to rethink:
Engaged to a man she didn’t love, well Mark gave her everything she wanted but his job wasn’t a 9-5 routine, what life was it for her, but that wasn’t all.

I didn't understand the 9-5 bit till later.

So, what next - who's on the phone?

Hope this makes sense

Elsie at 16:02 on 28 February 2004  Report this post
Hi Lou, funnily enough I am writing something along the same lines, about people who meet on the internet. I thought that perhaps the coversation online should have gone on a bit longer, to establish a bit more about the people. (Maybe it's cos I'm struggling with this very same bit at the moment!) I did wonder if she really enjoys football writing, or is there a comma missing there. Keep at it!

haunted at 20:27 on 28 February 2004  Report this post
Hi Lou,

I enjoyed reading this, its a situation and subject that lots of people will understand.
I also think that the conversation could do with being a bit longer. Most of what we learn there is about Greg's humour, perhaps we could learn more about the main character in that section too?
It'll be interesting to see where you take the story.


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