Beam Me Up
Posted: 14 March 2004
Word Count: 46
Summary: Hmmm. Not sure if this works.
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Fatigued from candle-burning,
frustrated by gridlock,
it was upon my habitual dawn trip
halfway through my journey
from East to West,
rollerblading through
half or maybe more
of my life,
that I said:
‘Bugger',
how very remiss
to have taken the Fiat
instead of the spaceship.
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 Fearless at 12:59 on 14 March 2004
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Hmmmm, a case of 'Fix It Again Tony' versus 'beam me up Spock'. Liked the observational nature of this. Reminds me of my preferred form of travel (a cloud..with the wind taking me anywhere).
fearless
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Skeetr at 14:00 on 14 March 2004
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Walrus, I'm rushing now, so I'll have to revisit this. I must say that I like the way it reads and moves, the image of "Rollerblading through Half or perhaps more Of my life" is great. But at the moment, I don't 'get' it. But that could just be me; a bit burnt out from pulling an all-nighter. I had a good gut feeling about it while reading, though, so will give it a better look later after a some Horlicks and a nice nap...
Smith
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miffle at 14:17 on 14 March 2004
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Walrus, Loved this quirky poem - an eclectic Bazaar of imagery full of unexpected leaps and turns.
And a realisation (it strikes me) that actually could be pretty damn sad..but even if so the poem's playfulness (i.e. 'Beam me up!') in the face of something, perhaps , upsetting suggests an admirable strength of character. A 'roll with it' (not really wanting to quote Oasis ;-) ) or perhaps I mean 'rockin'' response to Life (?). And this playfulness and vigour makes it so much more of an entertaining poem than a doomy-gloomy mope ;-)
Loved the last 4 lines. Sort of Hugh Grant film character - think it was the 'Bugger' that did it. Also, to me a parody perhaps of the English and their 'stiff upper lip' 'put on a brave show' tendencies (?) Which I think is perhaps what this poem is all about (?) - Which also makes me think of how, perhaps, much of our playfulness comes from a desire to want to disguise our pain (?).
'Rollerblading' fantastic image - with real zoom and zippiness.
As you can probably tell, I enjoyed it! Write on, Nikki ;-)
NB Also made me think of Wendy Cope's poem re. Men and 'bloody buses'...
i.e. Hmmm, which man? which partner?
Shall I pick the 'Fiat' (reliable, 'get me from A-B', may eat peas, bit of a John Major, Adrian Mole! - safe, secure, steady option)
OR Shall I pick the 'Spaceship' ( sparkly, mysterious, unfamiliar perhaps?, hurtling through otherworlds to where I do not know? Guaranteed roller-coaster, rocket ride)...
And if, these are both Love (?) - then which do I want, or need...Which would be 'wholesome' (perhaps?) for me...
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roovacrag at 15:28 on 14 March 2004
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Great poem Red.
Fatigued by burning the candle at both ends.
Enjoyed the last line,taking the fiat to the spaceship. well done.
xxxxxxx Stan
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The Walrus at 17:02 on 14 March 2004
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Fearless, isn't it 'beam me up Scotty(ie?)?' Cloud - damn good form of transport - 'Monkey' style.
Smith, take your point. Think the ambiguity/lack of clarity is less to do with your all-nighter and more to do with my pop-corn thinking. My train of what I loosely term, thought (while halfway through a long drive), was i could be halfway through my life or 90% who knows. And then, i simply thought it would be very handy to have a helicopter or, even better, a spaceship. Think it probably best not to share this particular musing with my therapist...
Miffle, interesting comments. You're right about the 'bugger' - definitely a Hugh Grant character word. Not sure whether the poem is about putting on a brave face or disguising pain though. Glad you liked 'rollerblading' and now you mention it, it is a bit Wendy Cope-ish, although, I hate to disappoint on the Fiat/spaceship analogy - think it's somewhat less deep than ... just a series of dizzy bint musings while stuck in traffic. Very pleased you liked it and thanks as always for your well considered comments.
The Walrus
Stan, thanks xx.
The Walrus
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Fearless at 17:06 on 14 March 2004
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You're right. It is Scotty. I think I need to pop a pill and stop obsessing over Spock's ears.
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Skeetr at 17:19 on 14 March 2004
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No, Walrus, it was me. Nice nap over -- reading like human again: I do get it, and I do like it. It works fine. The 'confusion', or rather conflation, of the various modes of travel & non-movement -- gridlock, Fiat, rollerblades, spaceship -- is clever and conveys both the frustration hinted at by "gridlock" and the whistfulness of "Half or perhaps more / Of my life."
If I were to suggest one minor alteration -- maybe the dialogue marks would read more ironically if they were only around the word "Bugger"? leaving the fiat/spaceship amongst the internal monologue? Would this guy stuck in traffic actually say more out loud than "Bugger"? Just a thought.
Best,
Smith
<Added>
Oh, how sexist am I assuming the speaker was a guy instead of a gal! etc., as the case may be... I duly reign in my assumptions.
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The Walrus at 17:46 on 14 March 2004
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Fearless, good idea.
Smith, welcome back to the world of the 'living'. Glad you think it works. Your suggestion is spot on. Have duly amended. Thanks.
The Walrus
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igbit33 at 21:06 on 15 March 2004
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The Walrus,
I like this amusing little number. One thing, it may just be the way I'm reading it but, had you considered using 'maybe' in place of 'perhaps' as the intonation would change slightly - whether the way you wanted it to I don't know and connect with the 'm' in 'more'. As I say, just a personal quibble!And it is a quibble, great poem.
Iggy. xx
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The Walrus at 14:02 on 16 March 2004
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Iggy, I think you're right! Have changed accordingly.
Thanks v. much.
The Walrus
xx
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Lawrenco at 23:54 on 26 March 2004
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Loved the line ,"how very remiss".Just as your at breaking point ,high comedy prevails.
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