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You Are Not Here

by suva 

Posted: 16 March 2004
Word Count: 74
Summary: - For P.M.J and that summer

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There is no warmth and nobody is singing

This night is wide but unwelcoming

Here is somewhere not uncomfortable

- and yet not truly home.

Snacks and cycles and gestures through air thick as privet

The type of dense hedgerow we would feed to the stick insects

That your brother kept in a case of glass:

Burning on the window sill

All through the summer that we went mad

- and gave up caring.

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Comments by other Members

roovacrag at 15:25 on 16 March 2004  Report this post
Very good,i enjoyed it.

Glad you joined WW.

A summer of dreams
a summer of love
nothing is the same
because, You're not there.
Nice to be young and carefree. Enjoy it while you got it.

Well done.
xx Alice

olebut at 18:13 on 16 March 2004  Report this post

welcome I like this it has a simplicity which is appealing but is graphical in its message

take care


The Walrus at 08:10 on 17 March 2004  Report this post
Vivid memories. Got some cracking lines in there:

'This night is wide but unwelcoming'

'Snacks and cycles and gestures through air thick as privet'

Good one.

The Walrus

miffle at 11:14 on 17 March 2004  Report this post
Suva, Mysterious poem. The kind that I like to revisit; the kind that seeds in your mind. Loved the layout.

Loved too the contrast between the abstract lines and the lines focussing in on minute details - the 'privet', the 'stick insects', the 'case of glass'. All the 't' sounds in the 'privet' 'stick insect' lines are great - sound all stick-insecty, scratchy. Feared for them though 'burning on the window sill' - callous edge, or just neglect. (My mother actually let my brother's stick-insects 'Bert and Humbug' free on the privet hedge because he was neglecting them so. He was heartbroken, for a day or two!).

So while there are images of beauty, summer here there are also a tinge of something sinister, slightly awry, warped for me.

Write on, Miffle ;-)

NB one thought - how would the privet line sound to you if you lost the 'as' of the similie and condensed to a metaphor (?) i.e.

'air, thick privet' (?).

Just a thought...


meant 'is also a tinge...'

igbit33 at 13:22 on 18 March 2004  Report this post
This seems, to me, a rather mournful yet affectionate piece of nostalgia. Well written, Suva.

Ig. xx

suva at 08:38 on 19 March 2004  Report this post

Thanks everyone for the comments.

I am really glad I joined WW and find everyone here really helpful.

Thanks again

John G.Hall at 17:24 on 28 March 2004  Report this post

The structure of thoughts is a hard thing to grasp and show.You close in on a point well, always good to sit the poem on a thought full but. If you have not already read him, I would recommend Robert Creeley. One of the greatest, most thought full poets there is around.

All the best,

John G.Hall

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