|
|
 |
GIVE YOU MY ALL.
Posted: 18 March 2004
Word Count: 70
|
Font Size
|
|
If I was a desert
you could walk on my sand
give you my eyes
to see the world around.
Lend you my ears
to hear every sound
borrow my heart
don't mess it around.
I would give you my brain
yours is sharp enough
share all my humour
if thats not enough.
Swim all the oceans
glide through the sky
what am I asking for
can i ask why?
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 The Walrus at 14:41 on 18 March 2004
 Report this post
|
Blimey Stan, powerful stuff. Seriously like it. The structure is really tight; the message, giving everything you have to someone, wonderfully, lyrically expressed. The last question of the last stanza, perfect.
Simple, but very very effective.
The Walrus
xx
| |
Fearless at 15:42 on 18 March 2004
Report this post
|
Can't add to what Red has said, so I won't try. Devilishly (cupidly?) effective.
fearless
| |
miffle at 10:56 on 19 March 2004
Report this post
|
Alice, sounds a little like someone could benefit from borrowing some of your experience and wisdom Alice (eyes, ears, heart...)...(!?)
Loved the poem - loving yet straight-talking ('borrow my heart/ don't mess it around')... Feisty.
'Swim all the oceans' - waterbaby myself so loved the feel, idea of this (hopefully first the Caribbean? Indian? i.e. somewhere warm!). 'glide through the sky' - loved the sound of this. Loved the way that both of these images suggest Freedom... A sweet release from whatever is holding someone back, keeping someone down...
Write on, Miffle ;-)
| |
Epona Love at 23:17 on 21 March 2004
Report this post
|
I agree with the above... all that giving... but still the proviso (?) "dont mess it around", its a shame that love can be taken for granted by some, if not most people... I dont know if I should be reminded of that by this poem, it is such an openly giving one. I enjoyed reading it. Lovely images.
E,x.
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
