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HAIKU IN GREY
Posted: 30 April 2004
Word Count: 11
Summary: Traditional Haiku Form
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Dulled and sullen sun
Winters cloud barred prisoner
Springs release awaits
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Comments by other Members
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 spud at 23:41 on 30 April 2004
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Hi Longjon
I loved this, especially the assonance in the first line;
'Dulled and sullen sun'
Very evocative at this time of year and very clever. I take my hat off to you, being only a novice haikuist(?).
congrats
Steph
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gard at 23:48 on 30 April 2004
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Hi LJ
Another fab Haiku!
"Dulled and Sullen sun" ...rolls of the tongue doesn't it (whoops didn't mean to rhyme)..
G
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roovacrag at 17:47 on 01 May 2004
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Only just getting to grips with Haiku.
So few words but well said.
Each line perfected the others.
Well done.xxAlice
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LONGJON at 00:56 on 02 May 2004
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Hello Spud, Gard, Roovacrag and Miffle,
Many thanks for your comments, this emerged over a cup of coffee in one of our better local establishments, one grey, wet Friday morning. I think the waitress wondered what I was up to!
John P.
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Account Closed at 19:14 on 02 May 2004
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Like others, I thought the first line was very sonorous, but loved the pent-up energy released through lines 2 & 3.
Should it be "Winter's", and "Spring's"??
Anne B
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Beanie Baby at 19:59 on 02 May 2004
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I liked this. It seems to me to be full of a deeper meaning. "Dulled and sullen sun" - I am not surprised it came to you in a cafe on a grey morning. Do you often write in cafes? I seem to do about 30% of my writing in cafes! Must bemsomething about them!
Best wishes.
Beanie.
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LONGJON at 01:22 on 03 May 2004
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Hi Anne, Hi Beanie,
Anne, I think you are right, the possessive is one of the three uses of the apostrophe, will adjust it today.
Beanie (great name for someone who loves coffee!) I'm not sure if the coffee was the excuse for the poetry, or the poetry was the excuse for the coffee! Whatever, it was fun.
John p.
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Seahorse at 21:49 on 03 May 2004
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Loved how "dulled and sullen" linked cleverly with the prisoner's inner feelings. Does this make sense? I've had some wine.
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