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Transience

by The Walrus 

Posted: 16 May 2004
Word Count: 80


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Strange sounds saturate
as the fierce heat leaves its legacy
to the red earth.
The sun extends his fiery baton
to his lady moon
and as the air hushes its breath,
the world declares ceasefire
in the presence of sunset alchemy.

The first star emerges,
it’s longevity is without question.
Twisted torsos of olive trees
boast a few centuries,
the scuttling lizard, a few years
and the butterfly that just brushed my face,
a day or so of radiant glory.







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Comments by other Members



miffle at 13:16 on 17 May 2004  Report this post
Walrus, Great poem! Strong, full of heat and fire, elements, things spherical and perhaps an impregnation - the image of the olympian Sun passing the Moon his 'firey baton'!? Loved too the image of 'sunset alchemy' - a blending of colours, a blending of mystery with science/ things seemingly magical.

Yes, a poem full of wonderment, awe and that intangible sense of mystery that as humans we often feel...

And yes, the world is often presented to us (in the Media etc) as revolving around 'us' / 'human centric' but this is not so and this poem seems to me to point this out - quite rightly. And perhaps, here the ego almost dissolves?

Wondered two things:

* do you need 'sunset'- perhaps 'alchemy' alone, in the context of the 'sun' passing his 'firey baton' on to the moon evokes sunset ?

* Also, how might it work without the last verse? Really, I think it is a case of wondering how 'intelligent' / 'flexible minded' (!?) your readers are i.e. perhaps the last verse is an 'explanation' of what is there to be discovered in the poem ?

Just a thought. First verse felt like an aboriginal landscape, second a return to the Mediterranean. Scopey poem. Miffle





<Added>

re. last verse comment: perhaps an alternative (?) i.e. do like the balance that the last verse gives to the poem.

Mooncat at 13:37 on 17 May 2004  Report this post
Hi Walrus, I liked this.

Loved the line 'Twisted torsos of olive trees'.

Mooncat



The Walrus at 16:00 on 17 May 2004  Report this post
Thanks Miffle, Mooncat for your comments.

Take your point on 'sunset alchemy' Miffle, same thought crossed my mind... will have a rethink. Re: last verse, I think you are definitely right - the first two stanzas tripped off the pen, the last one I struggled with. Have banished it forthwith.

Thanks again,

The Walrus

Fearless at 17:13 on 28 May 2004  Report this post
Interesting scenes, observations. Would make a good companion piece to 'Dawn' and 'Siesta', amongst others. It's a piece that grows on one after reading it, and reflecting awhile. Very effective.

Fearless

The Walrus at 08:59 on 30 May 2004  Report this post
Thanks Fearless.

The Walrus


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