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Sleeping Beauty

by Phelim 

Posted: 22 May 2004
Word Count: 471
Summary: Nightmares of a king


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Sleeping Beauty

The king slept. The dreams which invaded his sleep were not pleasant. The king did not sleep sweetly. Images passed through his mind. Images that made him sweat. Images that at any other time would cause him to wake up this time did not. The king slept, captive to a hundred year slumber waiting for a prince to wake his daughter with a kiss.

The king dreamt of the christening party for his daughter Aurora. Fifteen of the fairies had given their presents. The usual granting. Looks, singing voice, wealth. Then Malevocent had appeared. The most powerful of them all. He knew it had been a mistake not to invite her. Now the image of the flames which declared her coming would haunt him for a century. Even in the arms of Somnus, the words still brought fear. His daughter would grow up then, on her sixteenth birthday, prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die. He barely heard the last fairy speak, even in the horrified silence that followed the departure of the curser. That, even though she could not undo Malevocent's words, the girl would not die. Instead Aurora would sleep for one hundred years until woken by true loves kiss.

These words brought little comfort, as the King and Queen watched three of the fairies take their daughter into the woods. The dream state did nothing to remove the sorrow, and if anything made it more bitter.

The king, sat in his throne, tossed with horror as he watched once again the fires. In his love for his daughter the king destroyed the livelihoods of many burning spinning wheels across his land. Yet, as with every great man, he had a great weakness.

In his dreams the king looked out of the window to the woods. His heart hoped that what he had done was enough. A corner of his heart still feared for what was to happen.

Then there was the hope as his daughter came out of the woods. No longer a child in a blanket but a woman. There meeting was clumsy as he embraced the princess who did not know him. Then she went to meet her mother.

In his joy that his daughter was back and safe, the king was ignorant. It was not until he felt sleep come rapidly upon him that his majesty realised what he had done. In his love for his wife he had not burnt her spinning wheel. His love had made him weak. It could never had been that spindle, not the one on his wife's toy. And with that mixture of guilt and horror the king once more entered the cycle of images that, because of his being blinded by love would be his jailer during his hundred year sleep.






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Comments by other Members



crowspark at 11:41 on 22 May 2004  Report this post
This is a wonderful retelling of the fairy story with a great twist. You have chosen a difficult perspective to tell it from - the king's sleeping torment. There is some really great stuff here. Just noticed a typo "thrown" instead of "throne".
It is about time some justice was visited on the king who destroyed the livelihoods of so many innocent spinners. Well done.

All the best.
Bill

Phelim at 11:47 on 22 May 2004  Report this post
Thanks Bill .

Will edit the typo. Pleased you like the story.

Phelim

Phelim at 11:49 on 22 May 2004  Report this post
Typo now fixed!

Inspiration at 16:39 on 22 May 2004  Report this post
What a sad tale.

I enjoyed it very much, and yes it is an unusal perpective, however I think you have written it very well!

XXXInnIXXX

Anj at 20:28 on 25 May 2004  Report this post
Phelim,

This had a wonderful dreamlike quality, loved the idea of re-presenting the tale from within the King's coma.

It may be because you were trying to capture that dreamlike quality that I found some if it a bit jumbled. Hence, lots of minor picky points, but please don't feel that I didn't like it - I more than liked it, loved it.

Maybe this is just me, but I keep reading opening lines that are very short and abrupt, and for me it blocks me rather than invites me in. I'd suggest, "The king slept and ... " In the rest of the piece though, I like your very short sentences, gives a twisted unfairy-like feel (more 'Nam than Princessland).

"The dreams which invaded his sleep were not pleasant. The king did not sleep sweetly" - thought the second sentence unnecessary, as it's just a repeat of the sentiment of the first.

"The king slept, captive to a hundred year slumber waiting for a prince to wake his daughter with a kiss." This is exquisitely written, beautiful language, beautiful rhythm. Also "Now the image of the flames which declared her coming would haunt him for a century" Again "His daughter would grow up then, on her sixteenth birthday, prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die." Shall I shut up about your graceful language and beautiful rhythm now? Okay, then. But there are continual examples through to the end.

Didn't actually understand what this line meant? "Even in the arms of Somnus, the words still brought fear."

"He barely heard the last fairy speak ... until woken by true loves kiss." Felt these lines a little clumsy, needed some pruning and economy.

"fairies take their daughter" -"take" - thought a missed opportunity for a little heartbreak here - nothing overboard, just a more evocative word.

"The dream state did nothing to remove the sorrow, and if anything made it more bitter." Why more bitter?

"sat in his throne, tossed" - tricky to toss in a throne?

The last 4 paras seemed to me to flow less easily than the first ones - perhaps it's from there I found it a little jumbled. As if you'd re-drafted the first paras, but not the last. Make sense?

Anyway, great stuff, hope you find the above helpful and not offensive.

Take care
Andrea



Phelim at 11:25 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
Thanks for the comments Andrea. Just a note of explaination - Sommnus was one of the names for the Greek god of sleep.

Jubbly at 18:08 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
Hi Phelim, well well we are dabbling with the old tales aren't we? Great fun, I agree with Anj, there are some exquistite phrases in your story, simply beautiful. I too, found 'tossed' stuck out a bit and brought me out of the story. I also wondered at the sentence, 'could never had been that spindle, not the one on his wife's toy.' I just found it slightly jarred, especially the word toy. But you might not agree and anyway I really enjoyed it, a wonderful new take on an old tale.

Best

Julie

Phelim at 09:30 on 27 May 2004  Report this post
Note to self, must sort out grammar. Make sentence about queen's spinning wheel too sentences. Also sort out grammar in line about burning the other spinning wheels.


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