Login   Sign Up 


ours, still

by strangetantrum 

Posted: 24 May 2004
Word Count: 44
Summary: a first poem.

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

ours, still:


fractured blue horizons through monuments
of fisted bone. a fugitive rage has exhausted speech.
jaws, heat-

a compound waste. here, hunger feeds only on itself.

of yet human form, enciphered
ruins, horror-
worn, remain.

it is enough.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

word`s worth at 11:26 on 24 May 2004  Report this post
This is a very powerful poem in the image of destruction that it conjures. I'm intrigued by the form of the poem. If you look at it sideways, it's similar to a landscape of high rise buildings with two higher towers. Was that intentional at all? Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there.

"fractured blue horizons through monuments
of fisted bone"

I like this line a lot - particularly monuments of fisted bone. Also, how you've used the word fractured to refer to the horizon but also that word immediately reminds me of 'bone' - fractured bone.

I read it as an extremely sad poem of hopelessness and the last line 'it is enough' - resignation and realisation that it will never be enough.

Very powerful for a first poem. Look forward to reading more.


Ticonderoga at 13:21 on 24 May 2004  Report this post

Wow! Exceptionally powerful piece and an extraordinary achievement for a first poem. A sense a very original and honest voice emerging. Keep scribbling!

Love & Mercy,


roovacrag at 15:15 on 24 May 2004  Report this post
Welcome to WW.Powerful piece.
So few words but with such feeling.
Rolled off the tongue easily and enjoyed every word.
Well done
xx Alice

The Walrus at 19:06 on 24 May 2004  Report this post
Will repeat the same word in all three comments above: powerful. Great structure. Deep, dark and almost brutal in essence.

Look forward to reading more.

The Walrus

gard at 01:15 on 25 May 2004  Report this post
Hi welcome to WW!

like this. love the form. All of the above too! Seemed like a desolate piece about destruction. Last line interesting..is it enough? meaning please no more? is it enough meaning the point is made?


strangetantrum at 08:05 on 25 May 2004  Report this post
thank you all for your comments. i'm a bit new to all this ... can i respond directly to anyone??

nahed: i love the idea of looking at the poem sideways. that hadn't occured to me! i had also missed the connection between 'fractured' and 'bone' until you pointed it out. a happy accident.

i read the last line "it is enough" optimistically - i.e. despite the ruin, there is always enough to rebuild - and perhaps get it right next time. something like that anyway. hope that makes sense.

thanks again.

Lawrenco at 07:45 on 26 May 2004  Report this post
Very dramatic poem.I like the inactive,power.
It reminds me of thoughts that someone maybe go through in solitary confinement.
The abstractness seems to intice us into a decisition.The style adopted here,is (i`m no expert!)certainly to my mind a more than competant mimalism.
Welcome to write words.
Looking forward to hearing some more stuff.

Epona Love at 12:38 on 07 June 2004  Report this post
I have to agree with all the other comments and say that this is a very powerfull piece... especially for your first. I loved all the images, and I like the meaning of the last line leaving us with some hope.

Welcome and keep writeing.

Emma, x.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .


Other work by strangetantrum:      ...view all work by strangetantrum