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wait up for me

by proactivebittersweet 

Posted: 29 May 2004
Word Count: 143


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I'm borrowing thoughts from the coins in my pocket.
I'm involved in a deep wordless conversation with a shiny nickel.

pocket music plays as I walk along these busy streets.
I'm staring off into street lights hanging above the gutless cars.
steam bellows up from the street.
a sewer cover.

my hair is wet from the rain only moments ago.
my pockets play music and share their thoughts with the coins.

I'm listening to broken radio tunes in my head.
I'm listening.

I'm feeling my heart beat rapidly.
as my fingers fumble in my pocket adjusting the reception.
pocket economics someone will soon call it.
hushed words stream through my ears.
as my thoughts become a choppy broadcast.
on blank mind radio.

I close my eyes as I reach the corner.
feeling dreams come true within me.
for once, I believe I'm happy.







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Comments by other Members



Fearless at 10:29 on 29 May 2004  Report this post
Really liked this excerpt of street scenes and mind plays. A mellow, happy, swinging and a'swaying rhythm. More please.

Write on,

Fearless

roovacrag at 14:22 on 29 May 2004  Report this post
Welcome to WW.
This was well written,flowed well. The scene set and the play begins. Very visual and worth more than a second or even a third read.
Enjoyed it.
Well done.
xx Alice

geoffmorris at 20:49 on 29 May 2004  Report this post
Cool ;)

Geoff

Tuppence at 10:49 on 23 December 2004  Report this post
loved it

paul53 [for I am he] at 16:17 on 18 March 2005  Report this post
On first reading, this comes across as a telegram. Lose all the punctuation, then put back only what is absolutely necessary. Next, look at the repeated words and work out which ones strengthen and which weaken the poem.
There is the makings of a good poem here; this is just the first draft.


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