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My stranger
Posted: 16 May 2003
Word Count: 109
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This is how I imagine it would be;
First lust, tearing at each other’s clothes,
tumbling onto the bed,
hungry for sex but embarrassed by the stranger next to me,
yet wanting to know how you can make me feel.
Your hands on my body.
Trailing along my skin,
across my breasts.
Pausing for a moment to tease my nipples.
Then onward.
Wanting to explore me,
everywhere
Part of me wants to resist you, but I'm lost to your touch
insistant intimacy
Then alive, my entire body awake
new sensations, myself forgotten
Finally I succumb to you.
Let you enter me.
Forcefully
Fuck me,
Vigorously.
Until we collapse.
Spent.
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Comments by other Members
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 llydstp at 19:39 on 16 May 2003
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Wow! I'm afraid you've brought on a bad attack of writer's block in me, and I can't think of any thing else to say except: Wow!
Steve
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poemsgalore at 17:16 on 17 May 2003
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memories, memories, oh to be young again and feel just like this. A wonderful evokation of pure passion
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llydstp at 11:03 on 19 May 2003
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This poem is number 1 in the most popular poetry stakes as I write this and number 6 in the most popular overall, so people are obviously reading it; yet this is only the third comment on it. Do you think this is because people are afraid to express their feelings and opinions when writing such as this is so honest and overtly erotic?
Come on everybody - this is 2003 not the dark ages!
Steve
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Bee at 11:42 on 19 May 2003
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Ah - I do love this. Almost takes you back to the moment...sadly not though.
Great!
Bee
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 James Graham at 20:26 on 20 May 2003
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Imagine the effect this poem would have had 100 years ago - or much less! It would have been smothered to death in outrage and moral censure. Instead, at the start of the 21st century we have a description of a sexual experience without any of that old nonsense - without even having to take it into account. And the language is direct, as it couldn't have been in the past when veils had to be drawn, so that writers writing about sex had to express themselves in innuendos and codes, or else not write about it at all.
The way you convey feelings is as good as the description of the physical experience, especially in the lines 'hungry for sex but embarrassed by the stranger next to me/yet wanting to know how you can make me feel'. That works in various ways. The language is plain and direct, with nothing figurative (except maybe 'hungry', which is anyway a metaphor in common use rather than a 'poetic' one). The long lines set out these feelings well, as the long line again does in 'Part of me wants to resist you...' It takes, as it were, a little longer to articulate these than to articulate the physical aspects. The poem's rhythm pauses, or slows, appropriately.
A couple of minor criticisms. 1. 'I'm lost to your touch/insistent intimacy' Should 'touch' maybe be left out? Touch is everywhere in the poem. 'Insistent intimacy' is an interesting phrase which would then be brought into focus. To change it to 'Part of me wants to resist you, but I'm lost to your/insistent intimacy' retains a long line (see above) but the shorter line 'insistent intimacy' then takes us back to the physical experience.
2. Could I suggest another change just following that -
Then alive,
my body awake,
myself forgotten,
finally...
'New sensations' seems too general and vague. I don't know that the lines need to be arranged like this, but it's just that 'new sensations' seems out of place, unnecessary.
Representations of sex can be prudish or pornographic - two sides of the same coin. This poem is very far from either of these. Here sex is 'normal' - an intense (and yes, mixed) human experience. (Except for dinosaurs?)
James.
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olebut at 20:33 on 20 May 2003
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but equally 400 years ago it would have been accepted without a blink of the eye lash
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roger at 20:12 on 21 May 2003
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Who gives a toss about 100 or 400 years ago. It's certainly acceptable now and now is where we are. I thought this was really good. I can't comment on poetry techniques because I know nothing about them, but did it invoke the feelings it meant to? Certainly did in my case, and as far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters. Super stuff Ros, really super...and thanks for having the bottle to put it on your sleeve.
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