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by becs 

Posted: 18 May 2003
Word Count: 33

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Looking out from an ill-fated vessel,
our future marked out on water
is destined to end too soon.
The last thing a drowning man sees is the sea,
all I see is you.

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Comments by other Members

olebut at 17:17 on 18 May 2003  Report this post
I like the simplicty of this yet it has a certain complexity as well.

I also read much into the sentiment and as with so many poems how many of us have felt like this but have been unable to express our feelings so eloquently

thank you for sharing this with us

take care

becs at 17:25 on 18 May 2003  Report this post
It is one of the most simple poems I've written, normally my head is so busy that my poems reflect that, but I felt like maybe it was too simple, perhaps underdeveloped? Thank you so much for taking the time to comment though- I wasn't expecting any replies!


PS I've just read one of your poems, I can't remember the name, it was incredibly moving. Would've posted but I thought everyone had summed up my emotions in their responses!

Stacey at 18:39 on 18 May 2003  Report this post
Hi Becs,

This really moved me, however simple it was, it was a great piece. Very thought provoking - well done. Oh, and Im glad to see somebody my age on here at last, I was feeling a bit left out! Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

All the best,

becs at 20:10 on 18 May 2003  Report this post
I forgot to say, if anyone has ideas for a title they'd be much appreciated. I hate leaving it untitled. I did orginally think "Jetsam" but that sounded too cheesy, and then I thought "Wrecked" or something along those lines but nothing seems to work. Thanks! b

JeniR at 20:27 on 18 May 2003  Report this post
Intresting and thought provoking. By reading this poem a few times its quite easy for the reader to find a different meaning each time.

I enjoyed this poem, thank you for sharing it.

Sorry can't help with a title but good luck anyways :0)

becs at 21:13 on 18 May 2003  Report this post
Thank you! b x

poemsgalore at 19:06 on 19 May 2003  Report this post
I love this poem, you're right, it is simple but that makes it more effective - sometimes you can say too much.

olebut at 09:06 on 21 May 2003  Report this post
so you pitched for wrecked then yes it does work with it but I know you have other titles in mind

becs at 21:10 on 21 May 2003  Report this post
Ok, anyone who's interested- can you tell me which you think is most apt as a title- wrecked, or sinking? Or if you can think of a fabulously wonderful alternative that would be great too! love b xx

Anna Reynolds at 21:22 on 21 May 2003  Report this post
The simplicity is what really makes it a stand out poem. Wrecked gets my vote, it's so ambivalent and emotive.

becs at 21:26 on 21 May 2003  Report this post
Thanks! That was my instinctive choice, but then I thought that maybe "Sinking" was better in that realistically, you're not actually destroyed, as "wrecked" suggests, more knocked down. But THEN maybe that's trying to be logical about something that can be completely illogical and make no sense at all. How much fuss can I make about the title of one extremely short poem?!

olebut at 22:34 on 21 May 2003  Report this post
just to help Becs he says with a wicked grin I have sent many sugestions as s title for this beautiful poem so perhaps we will see it change daily but it is still a beautiful poem

paul53 [for I am he] at 14:21 on 01 March 2005  Report this post
Just found this on Random Read. Excellent stuff. Not a word too many; not a word wasted.

Alison at 19:50 on 14 April 2005  Report this post
Came to this on random read, and I'm very glad I did - the only word I can think of to describe it is beautiful!

I've read it several times through. At first it seemed quite short and sweet, but it's very thought-provoking! I don't normally like much poetry, but I really enjoyed this.

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