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Audiville Times small ads IV

by Audiman 

Posted: 01 July 2004
Word Count: 203

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Man with abacus for hire. Addition, subtraction, distance no object, 24-hr callout, business/pleasure. Also alphabets, English, Chinese, etc. Please call. Also van.

Coriander removal. For all your troublesome coriander needs. Other small herbs considered.

Broken wings, take, learn to fly again, learn to live so free.

Reebok Stadium, Premiership-quality football ground, bargain £46m, private sale, phone Dave Spunt, on no account make contact with stadium staff or football club representatives.

Snow, suit cold climate, be quick, going very fast.

Small ad, to fit this space, perfect size, bought in error.

Rude, butt-ugly, racist pig WLTM anyone or anything - girls, pets, livestock, small vegetables considered.

Children’s names beginning with V, guaranteed ridicule, many still available, incl. Vertigo, Vagrant, Venison, Victim, Vortex, Versatility (3) and Vermin. Also power-ridicule range, incl. Videodisk, Video-display Terminal, Vinyl-Polymer, and Voltmeter. Catalogue available, plain wrapping assured, phone Vivisection Johnson.

Elk dinner jackets, bought in error, suit most antlered, heavy-bodied deer, also other bizarre items, incl. fish gas masks, 2cwt of fennel, and bison, bought from fierce gang of forced-entry door salesmen, also once-cherished wedding memorabilia.

Comma, suit most sentences, ex-medical-writer-owned, little wear and tear, can deliver, other punctuation, grammar and general flow of argument all available, all completely unused.

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Comments by other Members

Account Closed at 07:47 on 01 July 2004  Report this post
I do like these Audiman, reminds me of Viz top tips in places.


I bought the comma and used it in the above comment although a full stop would have probably been more appropriate.

Audiman at 07:57 on 01 July 2004  Report this post
The last one is a sideswipe by me at my last place of work, Elspeth.

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