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dancing barefoot

by Jibunnessa 

Posted: 10 February 2003
Word Count: 162
Summary: She meets Brian again after so many years. This is the beginning of the recollection. A childhood love story.


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Brian thought that I thought he was Colin.
But, I didn’t.

He talks so carefully. So politely. Constructing a skin across the surface of his voice. But, I managed to get underneath and dance barefoot. Freely. Across that custard below. So that my toes became wet and sticky and so yellow. Consumed in Brian so that every fold and wrinkle around my ankles and toes felt the gaze of that soppy smile of his the first time I saw him. We were both ten. And all the time, he thought I hadn’t seen him. He thought that I thought he was Colin. That I’d forgotten him.

He never knew that for years I would dream of sailing down the River Brent to travel through the dark underbelly of London and float right in front of his door. To catch him smiling quietly behind the wings of a ladybird.

I loved him! And neither of us knew.


---Jib, 11:15 am, 05 Jan 03






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Comments by other Members



Adam at 18:50 on 16 April 2003  Report this post
I like this a lot. It has a quite, delicate fragility which seems to resemble the relationship. Is it a piece in its own rights, or were you thinking of developing it? It certainly has the scope to be elaborated on...
Adam x

Jibunnessa at 19:17 on 16 April 2003  Report this post
Thank you. I'm glad you like it.

And yes, this is something that I will be developing further. It's the beginning of a short story. Our narrator meets Brian again after so many years. They'd known each other when they were ten. And this is really the very beginning of her recollection of their childhood adventures (she, Brian, Brian's twin brother Colin, Helen, Joyce and Simon). And, it's also a gentle love story.

Bee at 15:24 on 27 May 2003  Report this post
Fabulous! I really like this. Can't quite put my finger on it. All I can say is 'fudge'.

You write exceptionally well.

Bee

roger at 16:13 on 27 May 2003  Report this post
As always, Jib, a super piece of writing. Why haven't I come across this before? And we've all been there, haven't we (no, 'yes, before the war' jokes please) so can relate to it. But it's not just that, it's the clarity, the quality....it's, well it's, well it's just bloody good!

Jibunnessa at 23:15 on 27 May 2003  Report this post
So glad you guys like this so much. And thank you for your kind and enthusiastic comments. Hmmm. I'm quite emotional now. Praise indeed.

Cheers!

geoffmorris at 23:41 on 07 June 2003  Report this post
Hell, do I really even need to say anything?

spider at 09:33 on 24 September 2005  Report this post
It is excellent the way you use simple human physical qualities and traits(i.e. skin, surface, 'dance barefoot', fold, wrinkle)to vividly express emotions and sound(Brian's voice) making these non tangible attributes so real, almost tangible.
Excuse me if i sound like a bit of a poet (i am one)

I am keen to know of any progress in this relationship.

Jibunnessa at 11:45 on 24 September 2005  Report this post
Hi Spider

Glad you like this piece. Thanks for the kind words.

Jib


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