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Working class hero

by PaulAnthony 

Posted: 12 July 2004
Word Count: 110


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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


Spend your days for a greater good
Not doing the things you know you should
Wathcing life roll past the door
When to answer the knock would offer more
To kid yourself that right is right
Instead of fucking the roses and smelling the shite
Push to the front and spoil the queue
Is life's acceptance of what you have to do
But the collar of good that holds your throat
While laughing sneers point and gloat
Are the chains of life and keys of doom
That makes us accept and presume to assume.
That two plus two is better than zero
And life rarelys offers a working class hero.






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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 14:27 on 12 July 2004  Report this post
Paul,i enjoyed this.
Last line did it for me.
Life rarely offers working class hero.

So true.
Well done
xx Alice


olebut at 08:45 on 13 July 2004  Report this post
Paul

firstly there are one or typos


line 3 'watching'

last line 'rarely'


I understand the sentiment which you have expressed well.However may I make one or two suggestions

line 1 would it scan better if it were The greater good ?

I think that you need either a comma or full stop at the end of lines 2,4,6,8,10, plus additional commas throughout the piece, I don't think they will slow the pace but more add emphasis to specific parts

line 8 you should consider starting the line with 'it's' not 'is'.

I also wonder if the line would scan better if chnaged the end from '

'what you have to do' to ' what you must do'



I think you should remove the capital letters at the beginning of each line despite the convention, except where a preceding full stop requires it, i think they interrupt the flow .

as i say to everybody these are only my suggestions and it is your oem but something I believe in most strongly is that all poetry should be read aloud even to your self, this way you tend more easily to spot the odd owrds or punctuation that doesn't quite work.

a good poem however well expressed

hope these thoughts help

take care
david

Rai15 at 18:32 on 14 July 2004  Report this post
I really love this peice, well done, it challenges belief, which is what I try to do all the time - great to know someone else does other than me! :)
Awesome piece, marvellous,

-Rai-

bogdantiganov at 20:32 on 16 July 2004  Report this post
I like the guts you show.

PaulAnthony at 01:02 on 31 October 2004  Report this post
I guess sometimes i miss the point of poetry, to me it aint about typos, maybe i wrote it in a style which is my own and not dictated to by other pple (shit does that constitute a typo, (shit did i spell constitute right) you will scare people from writing. It aint black and white and to those who think it is...... well they tend to write that way anyway. Spell wrong but right good is what i believe......


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