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The Real You
Posted: 02 June 2003
Word Count: 21
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You're nice
yet ultimately hollow
you speak
but not with truth
you're here
in body not in mind
you love
yourself
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 Account Closed at 12:55 on 02 June 2003
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AT LAST!
A piece of poetry where I understand what's going on. Praise the lord! Praise Jeeeeeesus!
Ahem. I like the way you've got the first lin in bold followed by the second in italics. It almost looks like the the second lines are a whisper, as though the real truth is being thought, but not said aloud.
I may be a complete moron when it comes to deciphering poetry, but I could read this without losing hair, which is a good thing, if only to me...
I like =)
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poemsgalore at 18:43 on 04 June 2003
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Yes, I too thought the second lines were thoughts, if only we dare say the things we are thinking, a lovely poem.
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didau at 16:12 on 05 June 2003
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Very simple, straightforward and prosaic.
One small thing, should 'your here/nice' not be 'you're here/nice'?
Sorry if that sounds pedantic, but I did enjoy it
david
ps I'm over on Poetry 2 if you want to proofread any of my stuff
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