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She Feeds Peanuts to Elephants

by Sarah 

Posted: 02 June 2003
Word Count: 420


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She Feeds Peanuts to Elephants

The mother lies sweating in bed, cloudbusting the water marks on the ceiling. She can draw a million images out of the constant, bile-brown marks. Her one aid is the sunlight that creeps across the ceiling, sweeping the hours out the door (if the father remembers to open the curtains). But even light on the ceiling becomes a daily pattern. Can’t stop the planet from spinning, no matter how hard you try. She sees ice-cream cones; she sails a ketch across the sea (sometimes it’s a paper boat); she choreographs whole circus acts – all out of the invariable stains. But she can change what cannot be changed. She’s bitten her nails to the quick.

She killed Annika.

What they know:
An apres-curfew knock on the door. Ignored. Annika rang the doorbell three times, slowly, like calling hello, before giving up.
“We told her,” the mother said to the father, sitting up on her elbows in bed. “If she’s late again – it’s the only way she’ll learn.”
A telephone call to a friend from a phone booth in the 7-11 parking lot.
A yellow Camero.
Three weeks later it was her in that lake. Pieces of her! Set in pieces of concrete! Annika packaged like, like beef!

What they don’t know:
Annika missed her curfew again because Leslie was supposed to drive her home but left with some guy instead. So Annika stumbled, half full of vodka – quick, small steps, past trees that waved her by with heavy bows – and she was home an hour late. Her parents, true to their threat, locked her out and so she meandered, cried, threw a private pity party. She called Leslie from the phone booth in the 7-11 parking lot. Leslie said she’d pick her up in half an hour.
It wasn’t a yellow Camero at all. It was a white Datsun.
They were a sunshine couple. Blonde and young and slim and white teeth and all. His hair flopped attractively over his forehead. Annika climbed in behind the woman, who smiled seductively and leaned forward, pulling her seat with her, because they said they would take her to a party.

There was a black basement. Mouthfuls of skin and hair. Cold steel. Sedatives. Heavy metal music. Vomit. A saw.

And now the mother lies here, and daydreams she’s feeding peanuts to elephants. There’s a cup of warm water on the floor where she hangs her hand. She sweats, and unlocks doors. And unlocks doors.










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Comments by other Members



Becca at 06:39 on 03 June 2003  Report this post
Sarah,
I enjoyed reading this tense, dark piece. I liked the leanness of it a lot. The only bit I had to check out a couple of times was if Leslie was part of the couple who picked the girl up. Then I realised Leslie was a girl and decided the couple were strangers. Why such a thing should matter, I do not know. I just wanted an inch more clarity, probably because there is so little actually said. Although there are a lot of images just within the short space. I don't think you need the brackets, they put a hesitation into the piece which isn't necessary. It's a dreadful story! I loved the trees bowing and the ceiling stains. I wait for more shorts from you.

Sarah at 09:43 on 03 June 2003  Report this post
Thank you Becca, your comments are really helpful. I was a little concerned about the Leslie/strange couple thing too, and it's good to hear from an outside source that it doesn't quite work yet.

I don't know what my thing is with brackets... I've always been fond of them, then strayed away from them, then recently read an amazing book of shorts called The Hunters by a woman whose name I can't recall... she went bracket crazy and I felt justified again... not sure what to do.

Thanks for reading this,

Sarah

tweed at 13:43 on 03 June 2003  Report this post
I have a bracket thing too. I like stories that make me work and make me feel uncomfortable. Like a jigsaw. I enjoyed putting it together. Thank you.

Sarah at 14:01 on 03 June 2003  Report this post
Tweed,

You're very welcome. Thank you for reading it!

Sarah at 14:02 on 03 June 2003  Report this post
Becca, I've taken your advice, by the way, and written in a stonger sentence to differentiate Leslie from the evil (hee hee) couple. Thanks.

Bobo at 16:02 on 16 June 2003  Report this post
Sarah,

I'm a little reticent to say I 'enjoyed' reading your work; it is a wonderfully dark and powerful piece which left me feeling truly disturbed! Though it may not sound like one, that's a real compliment; the impact of She Feeds Peanuts To Elephants really is something else!

I truly look forward to reading more of your work.



Sarah at 17:17 on 16 June 2003  Report this post
Thanks so much for your comment Bobo, I'm all glowing now....

Ioannou at 11:15 on 25 June 2003  Report this post
Made me feel sick. Rather brilliant. And so clean and uncluttered. The slow description of the unending horror for the mother and then the quick pace of the what they know/don't know bits, where the impatient teenage daughter comes alive for the reader, gives great contrast. Love, Maria.

Sarah at 12:08 on 25 June 2003  Report this post
I'm sorry I made you feel sick! But I guess that was the point.. thanks so much for reading...

Ioannou at 12:55 on 25 June 2003  Report this post
I think it was the mouthfuls of skin and hair that did me in!

Sarah at 15:53 on 26 June 2003  Report this post
Rubbing my hands together with a feeling of accomplishment...

Ioannou at 15:57 on 26 June 2003  Report this post
*smiles, looking a little wan after throwing up*

bjlangley at 16:05 on 26 June 2003  Report this post
What an intriguing title!

Loved the short sentences in the penultimate paragraph, very effective.

Very dark, I like it!

Hilary Custance at 20:21 on 05 July 2003  Report this post
sarah, did you send this to Mslexia?

I found the depiction of what unalterable guilt can do to you really frightening and beautifully told.

I must confess that I didn't follow the story at first reading, and don't know if it was the comments or the re-reading that sorted it for me. The phone booth in the 7-11 parking lot - is an unfamiliar reference. I connected this up with 9-11. Then the 'encased in concrete' phrase led me to misread the entire situation. Sorry. I got fate rather than direct crime as the cause of death. It worked just as well. Cheers, Hilary

Nell at 21:17 on 05 July 2003  Report this post
Oh Sarah,

What a terrifyingly dark story. This will haunt me, I know it will. So many clever ideas - the stain on the ceiling, the title, the horrible exclamation marks at the end of the second long paragraph. You have a rare gift...

Best, Nell.

Sarah at 10:18 on 07 July 2003  Report this post
Hilary,

I did send this to Mslexia, and must thank YOU for that, because I first heard of it from you! Becca and Stephanie read this a while ago (before I sent it luckily) and felt it needed to be a little clearer as well, so I made a stronger differentiation between Leslie and the killer couple. Other than that... I hope it goes well..

Nell, thank you again for your kind words

Scott at 19:25 on 09 July 2003  Report this post
That was so freaky, so cold yet brilliantly written as so, weird and different, it really stood out


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