 miffle at 14:28 on 05 October 2004
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I loved the rhythm of this poem Joanie: it feels to me honest, reassuring, healing. I liked too the 'n' sounds running through the poem: again, I think that they contribute to the calming effect of the poem (bit like how the 'm's and 'n's work I think in my 'Baby Viewing' poem)... A thought: 'I never knew quite what to say' or 'I never quite knew what to say' (?): this poem works so well aloud and I'm just not sure yet which way feels right here! Enjoyed, Nikki
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 joanie at 14:39 on 05 October 2004
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Thanks Nikki. I totally agree about the 'I never knew quite' v 'I never quite knew'. I didn't know either!
Glad you enjoyed it.
joanie
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anisoara at 19:03 on 05 October 2004
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Joanie,
This is nice. I don't understand what a villanelle is, but I think I like it! It feels like you keep going over the same ground but with a little change each time that moves it to the end. (Am I half-cracked?)
I think I like 'quite knew' just because it's a litle different, as people usually say 'knew quite'.
Ani
<Added>
little (I need to use the lovely preview key.)
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Don Gorgon at 19:14 on 05 October 2004
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I'm with Anne on this one joanie, 'villanelle'? From what I can gather, it's all about 'tercets', 'stanzas' and 'quatrains', what? Nevertheless, I like what I read joanie, whatever name you want to give it, I liked the structure and style.
I've been enjoying reading the different takes on the theme and this one is another!
Thanks joanie for the poem and for educating my skinny white plebian ass, by making me look up new words in the dictionary!
Don
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Chem at 19:35 on 05 October 2004
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Hi Joanie
I haven't attempted a villanelle yet but yours is very good. I really like the flow, the sound and the repetition and also the content! You've inspired me to try one, but I may have to keep it to myself as I am sure it won't be good enough to post :-)
Em
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joanie at 06:54 on 06 October 2004
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Ani, Don and Em, thanks for your responses. I didn't know what a villanelle was either, until I learnt in the Poetry Seminar Group. In fact, I just checked and discovered that there should have been five stanzas before the final one.
Glad you liked it,
joanie
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 Nell at 17:35 on 06 October 2004
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Joanie, I like this very much, the form is beautifully suited for the lines, and progresses in a stately fashion to the conclusion. It's reminded me how much I enjoyed those exercises with form - we should do another soon.
Nell.
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joanie at 19:33 on 06 October 2004
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Thank you Nell. Yes, the exercises with form are wonderful - I love them. I was reading up about villanelles and found this quote:
| The terzanelle is a modified villanelle. It uses the terza rima's interlocked rhyme pattern, but fits the villanelle form of five triplets and a quatrain. In addition, the middle line of the 1st stanza becomes the third line of the next stanza, and so on, such that the terzanelle is a huge pain, but worth the effort and determination to finish. |
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I really want to try this one!
joanie
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Nell at 07:32 on 07 October 2004
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Joanie, I posted a message about the triolet in the Seminar forum before I saw your comment here, but we can certainly try the terzanelle instead.
Nell.
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fireweed at 09:08 on 07 October 2004
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joanie, I like the way the rhymes and repetition weave in and out of this poem building up the feeling of sadness and regret. I have looked up terzanelle on the link in the seminar and would love to try one as soon as I have some space.
fireweed
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joanie at 11:21 on 07 October 2004
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Hi, fireweed. Glad you liked it. Yes, either a terzanelle or a triolet, as Nell had suggested, would be good, I think.
joanie
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 crowspark at 13:55 on 10 October 2004
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Hi joanie. I was about to point out that you were missing a stanza but I decided not to lie.
Great poem, villanelle, thingy. I enjoyed it.
Bill
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Jumbo at 09:29 on 11 October 2004
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joanie
I enjoyed this, and I particularly liked the extra line in the last verse (stanza?). It somehow drew the whole piece to a satisfying conclusion.
And I liked the repetitions - the consonant sounds and the phases.
Nice piece
jumbo
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engldolph at 20:21 on 12 October 2004
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HI Joanie,
yes, the repetition and feeling of going around in circles was a very effective device to capture that "should I have/should I not have" feeling of leaving..
Well done
Mike
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Katy Kat at 11:17 on 13 May 2006
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Hi Joannie
Just seen this as the random read. It's lovely. Sort of mesmerizing and it captures the way thougts go through our heads as we try to sort out our decisions and regrets.
Brilliant.
Kate
<Added>
sorry - that's thoughts with an h!
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joanie at 11:25 on 13 May 2006
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Thank you Kate! I'd forgotten about this one! Have you tried a villanelle? It's good fun and you get a great sense of satisfaction at the end.
joanie
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