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Feel the Song

by redwards 

Posted: 13 October 2004
Word Count: 45
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Hoped in my heart
Dismissed by my mind
Desire to capture my nightingale
Hold it in my hands alas
Scared to find the happiness
Best suited to the vane or promised
In weakness I choose to recall
Tenderness beyond our hours
But still remain transfixed






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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 16:33 on 14 October 2004  Report this post
Redwards welcome to WW.

Like holding a bird of paradise.
Nightingale it sings sweetly then flies away.

Still sings sweet and looks at the world. Still they sing.

Well done.

xx Alice
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miffle at 17:46 on 14 October 2004  Report this post
Welcome to WW. I liked the thread of 'ss' 's' sounds through this poem: gives it a hush hush sound. A melancholic poem which expresses inner conflict. Nikki NB vain? Might be worth looking at the verbs again i.e. some in present, some in past but I felt the poem was in the present.
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The Walrus at 18:52 on 16 October 2004  Report this post
A moving, poignant piece Redwards.

Enjoyed it very much.

More please.

The Walrus
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skyewriter at 20:32 on 22 June 2014  Report this post
Very emotive. Did you intentionally change verb tense between 'Hoped, dismissed and desire'? 
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