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Mini Words
Posted: 14 October 2004
Word Count: 29
Summary: Three short pieces with the restriction of only being able to use three lines, each with three words in.
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Wilting black branches
dip into incandescent
petrol stained water.
*******************
Whooshing, whistling, whirling,
black smoke curling.
It's Bonfire night.
********************
Eyes sunk in,
paper white skin,
why so thin?
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 18:35 on 14 October 2004
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Poems, I love this sort of thing. I like all three.
joanie
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 roovacrag at 20:41 on 14 October 2004
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Kathleen..You did justice to all 3 stanza here.
First one was perfect down to the petrol stained water.......
Second
Typical sound of bonfire night.
Third.........
Yes.. so gaunt and still they think they see fat.
Perfect.
xx Alice
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Chem at 20:42 on 14 October 2004
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Kathleen
All three are very good. Brief but so succinct and filled with meaning. You've skillfully said so much in the very well chosen words that you have used.
I really enjoyed these.
Em
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 Nell at 11:58 on 15 October 2004
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Hi poems, I loved these, the first is a perfect haiku form with lines of 5,7,5 syllables, but they all have a feel of haiku about them. Each captures the perfect feel/mood of the subject; desolation in the first, which reminded me of some of John Nash's war prints - the ones with the stricken and blasted trees; with those onomatopoeic words whooshing and whistling,the sound of the fireworks going off is almost audible in the second, and in the third with the words ...paper white skin... one has a picture of an awful fragilty. The only thing that made me stop to think was the subject of titles - do you need them? Or perhaps you could choose less explicit ones, as they deprive the reader of the satisfaction of discovery. Maybe just me though - see what others think.
Nell.
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Ticonderoga at 17:03 on 15 October 2004
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Great exercises in concision and condensation - two of the essentials of good poetry. More please!
Mike
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poemsgalore at 18:16 on 15 October 2004
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Many thanks for your comments, I'm glad you all liked the pieces. Nell, in the original exercise, we weren't allowed to give them titles, and I did wonder whether to include them or not. I think they are probably better without so might take them off. I was really excited by the project and might try again with some more.
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