Fathers and Sons
Posted: 26 October 2004
Word Count: 185
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Fathers and Sons
It is our destiny to dream
to dig behind the way things seem
discover, not decide, what we can be
guard a mind and soul that’s free
to dream, to struggle and to see
Child into man so suddenly
no border crossed perceptibly
even love does not absolve
blindness to a new resolve
to make the roundabout of dreams revolve
Rebellion is the oyster’s grit
wisdom’s pearls depend on it
experience must learn along the way
and fathers to their sons must say
your dreams, not mine, I’ll stand away
From father’s heart to loved son’s ear
must never come bequested fear
my fears your life must not admit
for love's humble ladder, bit by bit
will time’s discarding pain permit
But striving, dreaming, realise
we know ourselves through others’ eyes
truth is our severest friend
on which life’s meaning must depend
if change is hard, at least amend
Fathers watch their sons exploring space
mirrored self in another’s face
death’s edge touched on a ball of fire
here is the courage dreams require
not just to dream, but to aspire.
Zettel
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 06:30 on 27 October 2004
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Zettel, I particularly like
Rebellion is the oyster’s grit
wisdom’s pearls depend on it |
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...and all that stanza.
It is so difficult letting one's own children make the same mistakes and yet wonderful that they have the dreams.
I enjoyed this.
joanie
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 Fearless at 12:14 on 27 October 2004
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Zet
This reminded me of how my father raised me, and that could only make me smile and laugh.
Thanks, Fearless
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.JPG) Zettel at 14:42 on 27 October 2004
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Joanie and Fearless
Thanks - glad it struck a chord. Always a sign that one got something right at least.
regards
Z
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poemsgalore at 18:15 on 27 October 2004
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Joanie pinched the piece I was going to quote, a brilliant couple of lines in a fantastic poem.
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Don Gorgon at 18:33 on 27 October 2004
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Zettel, (and poemsgalore), joanie nicked my favourite bit to quote too! But then again, looking at what time she posted it at, you have to get up early to beat joanie to the mark! I also thought that, 'truth is our severest friend', is an inspired line and so true (pun not intended!). This was a most enjoyable read, I like the structure of the poem and the rhymes, very nice, and the subject too. I'm so glad me Dad has always let me get on with me own ting and ting, as it has enabled me to become me!
Lovely work Zettel!
Thanks
Don
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 James Graham at 21:25 on 27 October 2004
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Have you done rhyming verse before or is this new territory? The rhymes are very well sustained. In the three-line groups, you make the third line the most telling, especially 'your dreams, not mine, I'll stand away' and 'not just to dream, but to aspire'. Couplets are strong too - 'Child into man so suddenly/no border crossed perceptibly'. And there's nothing pompous or high-flown about this - the sentiments are wiser than that. Anyone, while going along with what the poem says generally, could pick out a particular section that especially registers with him/her personally. For me I think it would be 'fathers to their sons must say/your dreams, not mine, I'll stand away'.
James.
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Zettel at 11:44 on 29 October 2004
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Poemsgal and Walrus - thanks.
Don - I like that line too: it should be truth is our implacable friend but then it screws the rhythm. Great to know good dads aren't as rare as the media would make you think.
James
I've been trying to wean myself away from rhyming stuff - it sometimes seems dum ti dum and you get trapped in a grooved rhythmic pattern.
Thanks for the comments:with your experience - praise indeed.
Regards all
Zettel
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engldolph at 14:22 on 06 November 2004
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Hi Z
My father is seventy some ... visited him last week, spent an afternoon helping him get bushels of apples down from, his trees.. so it was nice to come to this piece...
As James says, there are lines that will stand out to different people for different reasons... the ones that I really liked for their freshness and depth:
* to dig behind the way things seem
discover, not decide, what we can be
* Rebellion is the oyster’s grit
* Fathers watch their sons exploring space
mirrored self in another’s face
on the last line the word "aspire" didn't quite have the bang I was looking for ... end it with something and "FIRE" ? :-)
enjoyed
Mike
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lieslj at 05:48 on 20 November 2004
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There is a gentle urge contained in this poem for fathers to contemplate their son's individuality and to view them not as extensions of themselves. How much sanity this represents!
You sustain the structure effectively throughout, but once again, I find myself wondering if the rhyme doesn't actually constrict the sentiment. In this segment I felt that concern in particular:
even love does not absolve
blindness to a new resolve
to make the roundabout of dreams revolve
Not sure if that helps, but it is meant well, anyway!
L
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